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How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, but I think it would be naive to assume he doesn’t struggle. I know that I do, and I guess I just want an open conversation. Maybe just be honest about my own struggles and ask him about his?
Don’t be. If you want an honest conversation, you may hear your man describe temptations that aren’t the same for you or to the same degree. Recently I did an Ask Joy series about men’s sexuality. Women (myself included) were like, “We struggle too!”
Yes, we all struggle. But even though there is no reason why, it has been proved that men have neurological responses that are far stronger and more responsive to the female form than women toward the male form.
Doesn’t mean I don’t struggle; my struggle may just look different or be subtler. I need to have the humility and strength to recognize that we struggle differently. AND THAT IS OK. But we need to address our differences with bold grace and believe that God’s perfect design for us is something that will always be in process.
To shame someone or assume they are “worse” than you simply because their weakness is not your weakness is hypocritical and un-Christlike. Scripture speaks about this:
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Note: If someone who professes to love God shares something with you that is a red flag according to the moral code of the Bible and he or she doesn’t bat an eye or they try to persuade you why it’s no big deal, then it’s OK to be a little shocked—not necessarily at the behavior, but at the person’s disregard for healthy living. This is a signal that it’s time for you to respectfully leave the relationship. No shaming or piety needed. Just scoot on out.*
Don’t rush the tough conversations, but don’t avoid them either. God knows what you need to know and will give you wisdom (if you ask) on when and how to address the issues on your heart. I have been amazed at how when I pray, He gives a perfect segue.** (Rhyme!)
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
From my heart,
How do you know when to show grace and when it’s time to “scoot on out?” Can feelings and emotions fool you? So what do you do?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.