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Is the right thing at the wrong time actually the wrong thing?
The video below was part of, what I affectionately call, my Paddle Board Series, shot spontaneously by my brother while I was in Michigan. Now, weeks after the shoot, I can’t shake this question; the more I contemplate it, the more different scenarios play out in my mind.
Just a few that could fall under the “right thing, wrong time” umbrella include, the other person is: married; lives across the globe and doesn’t want to move; is in jail; has major emotional issues and isn’t seeking help; broke up with you and is dating someone else…
I want to cover as many of these ideas as possible without writing a novel, and would absolutely appreciate you jumping in with your insights, too.
I need all of you to hang with me, as we venture into algebra territory to use an analogy that helped the “right thing, wrong time” concept click in my brain.
Consider a multiplication RULE…
You tracking? I know, I got kicked out of math class, too.
But let’s run with this concept, with zero representing a person first, and then time. Consider these “formulas” occurring under the following premise of:
We’re talking about today, and today only.
If either zero is true today, then it cancels out the relationship, making the relationship…WRONG.
Now, stay with me as we look at the today’s zero, five years from now. Can the zero change?
In other words, could the zero someday be the right thing at the right time?
If we hold onto the possible “yes” for five years from now, how does that impact us TODAY? Two obstacles come to mind:
1) Fantasy – you decide to ignore or disobey today’s zero that makes the relationship wrong, on the hope or fantasy that the zero will change in the future.
2) Discontentment – you lose satisfaction with your current reality as you mull over the zero’s that could change down the road (i.e. thinking about someone else, even though you are in a committed relationship).
Beyond the maybe-things-will-change-in-five years thought, I can hear others of you with your heartfelt protests:
You can’t let go. You can’t move on. You truly believe that it IS the right person, but the timing is just off. I can understand this. I was in a relationship that I desperately wanted to be right because I loved him so deeply…but there were zeros.
And here, I must interject my opinion that there is not just “ONE” out there for you. Could this person you adore have worked out if circumstances or timing were different?
For whatever reason, it did not work out for the two of you today. That’s why I like the logical approach of just saying, “If it didn’t work out, it was the wrong thing. I can’t emotionally continue to stay here; it’s not healthy for me.” Staying from a loyalist’s perspective is so romantic, but from a realist’s perspective it is foolish.
So to be clear, on a non-emotional-logical-level, my conclusion is that the right thing at the wrong time is not possible because if it’s not the right time, it’s the wrong thing.
Watch the silly little video below and if you feel like this is something you need to honestly take a look at, I would invite you to ask yourself the hard questions below. Questions that will force you to honestly look at where you are TODAY. I know I have had to consider many of them myself…
Have you ever called something “bad timing” but proceeded anyway because you wanted it to be right?
Have you ever used timing – or another similar “reason” – as a smokescreen/justification for wanting to end a relationship?
Do you ever look back with regret on “The One Who Got Away” and attribute it to bad timing? Are you living in a fantasy world? What will it mean for you to let go, and how is it preventing you from moving forward with someone else?
How does this response change when “bad timing” has something to do with your person of interest going through a divorce? Or being in a relationship with another person and then falling for you?
Some of you may disagree with my conclusion…at least emotionally, if not logically. So what do you do with that? How can you hear this as “truth” and have it help you let go?
Married People: While this post is primarily for the context of dating, are you using this phrase as an excuse to get OUT of a marriage? Where is the logic in that?
Are you using this phrase to fantasize about a past love? Is it making you discontent with your current love? (More thoughts on that in THIS VIDEO.)
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.