A few weeks ago, I attended an event on the topic of abuse. One hour before I left, I wrote down something that was weighing heavy on my heart as I thought about myself and the LRN community. This is what I wrote…

Photo Credit: Branden Harvey

Right now, I have the same feeling I get right before doing a work out. I know it will be good for me and beneficial in the long run, but I sluggishly dread the toll I know it will take. 

This morning, before doing a workout (which resulted in a physical reminder of how old I am getting), I tweeted something that resonated with many.

When you’ve been wounded by the minority, don’t project that onto the majority.  All men & women are not like the person who hurt you.

Many of us have been wounded.

Some by an unrequited-love-let-down, some by betrayal, some by abuse. And while I think it’s utterly important that we always remember and take stock of what has happened to us, (and for many of us that involves getting counseling to process the pain) I do think it’s important to remember, when we meet someone new, they are NOT the person who hurt us.

Yes, there may be legitimate fears because of how we’ve been hurt and moving forward in a new relationship should always be paired with cautious care.

But when you start emotionally or mentally projecting the sins of someone in the past onto someone in the present, you put them in metaphorical handcuffs.  

Essentially, someone new will be taking the punishment for the sins of someone old, and they will begin to feel locked away and helpless. Sure, there are those people who will “fight” for us, and that’s romantic in its own way; but, it can also be exhausting and unfair for them over the long haul. We all must…

…find the difference between allowing someone new to build trust and forcing someone to climb an endless ladder. 

I would encourage all of us today to take stock of our wounds and remember: the new person in your life is not the old person who hurt you…so let’s let them out of jail and off of the ladder.

Here is part of a prayer from a book my mother lives by called 31 Days of Praise. It’s encouraged me in my own journey, so I thought I would share it with you.

Day 20

“…And I praise you that I need not fret about these people, or be envious, or mull over angry thoughts to prove I’m right. Thank you that by Your power I can receive them as You receive me: just as I am, warts and wrinkles and hangups and all…that I can choose not to judge them, but to forgive them…to cancel any debts I feel they owe me–any apologies, obligations…that through Your grace, I can choose to wipe clean any slate of grievances I have within me, and to view these people with a heart that says, “You no longer owe me a thing…”

From my heart,

Joy

P.S.  The training I attended was put on by an organization called Mending the Soul. It was intense and very impacting. If you have encountered any type of abuse or trauma, I recommend looking into the program. I also highly recommend the book Shame Lifter if you have been a victim of abuse.