Ask Joy: Dear Joy, I know I can do all of these romantic things, like take a girl out to a nice dinner and a movie, or a long walk on the beach at sunset, or cook for her, but… …what actually adds the romance? Sam My Response: You’re right, Sam, it’s not the thing that does it… Questions: Why do we default to “formulas” or “how to’s” when it comes to romantic gestures? What is a romantic gesture that you’ve given or received that …
Ask Joy Hey, Joy! So I am a strong and outgoing woman. I am not a shy person at all! When it comes to the relationship area, people are very inquisitive, and they all have opinions as soon as they find out I’m single. I have many friends who bemoan the fact that they are single and will jump at any chance to flirt. I think something might be wrong with me. All I do is make jokes about never getting married and say things …
Hi Friends, it’s me, Joy and I have some thoughts. Er, well someone smarter than me has some thoughts and I thought I would share those thoughts and you could tell me what you thought, or think, or thew. Coo? Yes, even you creepers who always read and never comment. I want to hear from YOU. Momma’s* watching. Dale S. Kuehne’s book, Sex and the iWorld, (odd title I know, but it makes sense when you read the book) is an interesting proposal of how …
Ask Joy I just got finished watching your “The One” series. I am currently in a relationship with an amazing man who loves the Lord and who loves me in good times and in bad. His love is so deep it’s almost crazy. I feel like I love him but not to the depth that he loves me. It makes me very anxious. I don’t want to marry someone I don’t love enough, but I also don’t want to lose this love. I’m on board …
Ask Joy I often hear people ask why so many men still play video games? My Response Let me tell you why people play video games. They’re fun. Questions Maybe it’s not video games, but do you have somewhere you go to find a win? Do you have something you do to “unwind” that’s shifting into a wound-hiding-habit? How can we know when an activity is actually a distraction for dealing with our broken reality?
Ask Joy: Recently, I was hanging out with a group of friends and having a great time when a guy we didn’t know came up to us and joined the conversation. I talked with him for a while and then drifted into other conversation. A good friend of mine who was there introduced herself but didn’t speak another word to him. The next day he asked her out. I don’t tell this story in an effort to throw myself a pity party, but I do …
Ask Joy Emotional and physical issues get ninety-nine percent of the attention when it comes to talking about relationships, but what do you think about spiritual intimacy inside a dating relationship? Do you think the sky is the limit, or should we save some spiritual intimacy to be enjoyed for the first time as a married couple? As an example, I think communion taken as a couple should be done as man and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend. But that’s just personal preference; I have …
Many of you have spoken or written to me about your fears of relationships, which have often been caused by the unhealthy examples you have seen modeled around you. Many of you, like me, have experienced deep relational pain. Many of you, like my parents, come from broken and unstable childhood homes. Your sincerity in asking, “How can I heal from all these wounds?” or, “How can I not do what my parents did?” always puts a passion in my heart because I desire that …
Ask Joy If the relationships you had didn’t have any major red flags, why did you end them? What made you finally say “this isn’t working” as opposed to working through it? My Response I don’t think that I ever have said that I ended my relationships, and second of all that they didn’t have red flags. I’ve had both. I’ve had relationships that had red flags that I needed to get out of, and other relationships that didn’t have red flags, we just decided, …
One of the themes I see in many of the Ask Joy questions I get is, “How do I…?” or “When should I…?” or “Is it ok if…?” And one of my main goals is… …to not answer. I prefer posing questions to give possible scenarios pointing the asker to a more global answer. I want to push myself and all of us, to think. And that’s what I want to do for those of you who simply see The Hunger Games as one of …
Ask Joy What is an ideal first date? My Response I was recently asked this question when speaking to a group of students at the College of William & Mary, and then a couple of guys have asked similar questions this week. Men, give yourself a hearty slap on the back for wanting to know what an ideal date would be for a woman, but, as I said to the guy at William & Mary, “I can’t speak for all women, but, off the top …
Today I have asked one of my best friends to share her thoughts on marriage and “being in love” based on a conversation we had this fall when we went camping. Yes, we went camping. Yes, it was just the two of us. And yes, I laid awake all night holding onto my pellet gun and an unsheathed knife. We were not alone. Outside of our camping fails, Lisa is one of my wisest friends. I love the way she thinks and the logic in …
Hello again, for the third time. Can I just say that I absolutely hate this topic? This whole thing that we’re addressing about the words in Scripture that the “husband is the head” and the “wife is to submit.” I absolutely hate this stuff. But I want to address it because I feel like I missed it for so long. I didn’t understand it so I disregarded it. And I think so many of us don’t understand it so we either manipulate it, we miss it …
Ask Joy In the last video I answered a question from a girl who was asking what book she and her fiance should read to prepare for marriage. They believe in mutual submission and love, and don’t agree with the husband being the head and the wife being submissive. And I totally relate with that stuff because those are the passages in scripture that leave me asking, “what in the world does this mean?!” What is this actually saying? My Response I don’t know. I …
Ask Joy My fiance and I are looking for books to read as we prepare for marriage. Do you know of anything that isn’t completely based on the man being the leader and the wife being submissive? We believe in mutual submission and love and it’s hard to find any good resources out there. My Response I really want to get at the heart of your question: what is mutual submission and why are these words in the Bible like the “husband is the head” …
Ask Joy: Could you share your thoughts on the increasing percentages of women involved in pornography? And by “involved,” I mean watching it. My Response: I am not an expert on this topic, but, as always, I have many personal theories based on what I have researched and studied from those who are experts. I can point you toward some healing discussions and resources based on my assumption that you believe pornography has a negative effect on our culture—for both men and women. If you …
Ask Joy: Recently, one of you wrote in – anonymously – asking what I want in a man. My Response: I was going to pass on this Ask Joy, and then thought, I might as well capitalize on my site and use it to find a man. Boo-ya. To watch the rest of my aforementioned e-Harmony video, click HERE. Question: What is your equivalent of my beard requirement? What’s been your shallowest deal breaker?
For those of you who ask what books I recommend, I have one I would like to highlight today. My mother’s close friend Marilyn Hontz has written an excellent book on the topic of shame. I want to be clear however: I am not promoting this book because she is my mother’s friend. I am telling you about the book because it is powerful. Through sharing stories of her childhood, Marilyn opens up about how certain small yet significant moments affected her adult life. She …
Paul is a friend from Westmont College. You may remember his face from a guest post I did with him a while back. We have a mutual love of Double Dare, Marc Summers and many other glorious staples of the 90’s. He has a great spin on “the one” topic that I wanted to share with you today. I also hope you will check out his site www.allgroanup.com for some great articles and resources on the topics many “post grads” face today. Paul has written …
Today I am guest posting over at my friend, Preston Yancey’s blog, as part of a series about “the beautiful, mangled Church.” He’s featuring over 50 amazing writers, so be sure to check out the entire conversation, which is entitled At the Lord’s Table. Enjoy! Church: Starring a Simple Cast I respect people who have intellectual reasons for walking away from the church. Not because I agree, but because I can empathize and grapple with questions, too. But then I dig deeper, and usually the …
Oh, hello! I’m just wafting the aroma of this soup I’ve been slaving over all day long. I’m so skilled at domestic chores, that my hand isn’t even burning right now as I hold this pot of soup. Welcome to my kitchen. My name is Holly. Holly Homemaker. Ask Joy: This question is from a 27 year old single male who deeply values the fact that his mom stayed home to raise him. He wants the same thing for his kids, but doesn’t want to …
If you are reading this on Valentine’s Day morning, then my guess is you are probably at work and avoiding the actual work that… AAAHHHHHHH! Your boss is standing right behind you! And you are reading something about making love! OK, so that was awkward. So now it’s noon, and you were so impressed with my psychic skills from earlier this morning that you are now in your car eating a PB&J (or Hot Pocket since you sometimes get crazy on holidays) and reading my …
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Joy fireside chat. Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. (Actually it’s just me and the camera man.) Ask Joy This question was written in response to a three part series I did on The Art of Asking Questions. This person wanted me to offer some tangible questions to actually ask. So I will do that, because that’s such a great question… My Response Question Do you have any effective question-asking tips you …
Recently I spoke at Belmont University and later that afternoon did an “Ask Joy” session with students. This is probably my favorite aspect of my job. I love hearing from you all through the site, but there’s something about seeing your face, hearing your questions, and then getting to respond to you with an answer that results in you lying on the floor in the fetal position. It’s the BEST! I heart my job and inflicting psychological damage on you all! But, seriously, there were …
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