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Ask Joy If the relationships you had didn’t have any major red flags, why did you end them? What made you finally say “this isn’t working” as opposed to working through it? My Response I don’t think that I ever have said that I ended my relationships, and second of all that they didn’t have red flags. I’ve had both. I’ve had relationships that had red flags that I needed to get out of, and other relationships that didn’t have red flags, we just decided, …
Ask Joy What is an ideal first date? My Response I was recently asked this question when speaking to a group of students at the College of William & Mary, and then a couple of guys have asked similar questions this week. Men, give yourself a hearty slap on the back for wanting to know what an ideal date would be for a woman, but, as I said to the guy at William & Mary, “I can’t speak for all women, but, off the top …
Ask Joy: Could you share your thoughts on the increasing percentages of women involved in pornography? And by “involved,” I mean watching it. My Response: I am not an expert on this topic, but, as always, I have many personal theories based on what I have researched and studied from those who are experts. I can point you toward some healing discussions and resources based on my assumption that you believe pornography has a negative effect on our culture—for both men and women. If you …
Ask Joy: Recently, one of you wrote in – anonymously – asking what I want in a man. My Response: I was going to pass on this Ask Joy, and then thought, I might as well capitalize on my site and use it to find a man. Boo-ya. To watch the rest of my aforementioned e-Harmony video, click HERE. Question: What is your equivalent of my beard requirement? What’s been your shallowest deal breaker?
Oh, hello! I’m just wafting the aroma of this soup I’ve been slaving over all day long. I’m so skilled at domestic chores, that my hand isn’t even burning right now as I hold this pot of soup. Welcome to my kitchen. My name is Holly. Holly Homemaker. Ask Joy: This question is from a 27 year old single male who deeply values the fact that his mom stayed home to raise him. He wants the same thing for his kids, but doesn’t want to …
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Joy fireside chat. Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. (Actually it’s just me and the camera man.) Ask Joy This question was written in response to a three part series I did on The Art of Asking Questions. This person wanted me to offer some tangible questions to actually ask. So I will do that, because that’s such a great question… My Response Question Do you have any effective question-asking tips you …
Recently I spoke at Belmont University and later that afternoon did an “Ask Joy” session with students. This is probably my favorite aspect of my job. I love hearing from you all through the site, but there’s something about seeing your face, hearing your questions, and then getting to respond to you with an answer that results in you lying on the floor in the fetal position. It’s the BEST! I heart my job and inflicting psychological damage on you all! But, seriously, there were …
Ask Joy How can we respond to young people who want to live together before marriage? I am referring to my son and other friends in their late 20’s. I am trying to be quiet and work with it but it is very awkward. What do you say to young people about this topic? Would you recommend any books or speakers? My Response I want to answer this question looking at your relationship with your son and the people we deal with personally. My heart …
Ask Joy A person who wrote in recently found a quote, stating that “a girl’s heart should be so wrapped up in the Lord, that a guy should have to seek Him to find her.” And then she asked me if I agreed with that? My Response Questions Do you think it’s true that you can experience an “intimacy” with the Lord that supercedes anything you can experience with a person? Why or why not? Have you said or heard this quote yourself? How has …
Ask Joy Is the right thing at the wrong time actually the wrong thing? My Response The video below was part of, what I affectionately call, my Paddle Board Series, shot spontaneously by my brother while I was in Michigan. Now, weeks after the shoot, I can’t shake this question; the more I contemplate it, the more different scenarios play out in my mind. Just a few that could fall under the “right thing, wrong time” umbrella include, the other person is: married; lives across …
Guys: Since we know there may be varying opinions due to different personalities, I thought it might be good to directly ask you this question so you could shed some light for our female readers. It’s along the lines of the question I answered a few weeks ago in an Ask Joy Video. (See video here: Part One & Part Two) Ask Joy I met an amazing man last month who I really like a lot! How do I let him know I’m interested in …
Ask Joy How do I know if I’ve heard from God before entering into a relationship? My Response (Note: We shot these very last minute before I left Michigan. We didn’t do a sound check hence the poor audio. However, my brother IS a fantastic videographer and I am so grateful for his help when I am home in the mitten state. Check out his site: Motivity Pictures) Questions Does waiting to hear from God ever paralyze you from making decisions? Do you even incorporate God …
Ask Joy I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend for over three years. Having others speak into our relationship is really important to me—but there’s just one problem: My sources of wise counsel disagree with each other! Half say I could do better, and the other half say that the uneasiness and uncertainty I’m feeling are because I have unrealistic expectations for relationships and men (which, I admit, I do have). How do I know which source of wise counsel is really the …
Ask Joy I finally decided to sign up for E-Harmony. It took a lot of courage. I want to know your thoughts on online match sites. I am still very apprehensive about the whole thing. P.S. I am a teacher, and our school mascot is the unicorn. My Response Question How can you bring community into your online dating experience, and not become isolated? Didn’t catch the series that I referenced about asking questions? Start HERE
Ask Joy I have a friend who is currently dating someone who is not a Christ follower. She knows I disapprove and, because of this, I haven’t really talked to her in months because I don’t want to hear about their relationship. Am I wrong in not speaking to her? I don’t know how to be a friend without her thinking I’m OK with them dating. My Response It’s good that you are trying to figure out how to be her friend; however, not …
Ask Joy I don’t think it’s fair that my boyfriend at college might go home some weekends to see his family, when I can’t see mine because they live too far away. I don’t want him going home without me. What should I do? My Response If I were talking with your boyfriend, I wouldn’t tell him to break up with you…yet. Question Okay, so it’s easy to laugh at this question, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all had moments of responding with pouting …
Ask Joy I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks, and last night he confided in me what he considers to be his darkest secret. It’s weird, and it freaks me out. How much would it still freak me out if this relationship were to result in marriage? My Response So I took a little “creative license” with this one…Enjoy! Question Seriously…what could it be?? I know you guys have some weird ideas in you. And on a more serious note, how …
Ask Joy I have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend for three years. I can’t picture myself with anyone but him. Recently, many of my friends have either gotten engaged, gotten married, or had babies. I feel like I am the odd woman out. I am eager to get married and continue the next stage of my life. When I discuss marriage with my boyfriend, he usually says, “Patience is a virtue,” and leaves it at that. I want to speed things up, …
Ask Joy How do you handle the “I can’t believe you’re still single!” comments from people? I think they mean well, but it’s still discouraging. My Response This statement is usually said to me at weddings. And I generally respond with, “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER! Thanks for affirming my fear that I smell like cheese and will die alone!” Then I try to give some grace as I remind myself that most people filter life through their own stories. They got married young. They …
Ask Joy I’m interested in this great person. All my friends say, “Be open to the relationship…but guard your heart.” What does that actually mean? My Response Questions In relationships have you ever done the wise thing over the pain free thing? Since most people associate “guarding your heart” with playing it safe, how does one guard his/her heart by the video’s definition? Any other phrases like “guard your heart” that cause you to pause and think, “Hmmm, what does that actually mean?” p.s. Confused …
Ask Joy How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, but I think it would be naive to assume he doesn’t struggle. I know that I do, and I guess I just want an open conversation. Maybe just be honest about my own struggles and ask him about his? Part 1: SAFETY Part 2: SHOULD I? My Response Part 3: SHOCKED Don’t be. If you want an honest conversation, you …
Ask Joy How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, but I think it would be naive to assume he doesn’t struggle. I know that I do, and I guess I just want an open conversation. Maybe just be honest about my own struggles and ask him about his? Part 1: SAFETY My Response Part 2: SHOULD I? Pray. Don’t discount this instruction as “Joy is just saying this because …
I want to answer this question in three parts. Let’s be honest, it’s all finished and ready to go, but we are all A.D.D. and can’t handle reading anything longer tha…I wonder if I should update my Facebook status to “catching up on my blog reading!” Welcome back. As I was saying. Here is the beginning of three short parts… Ask Joy How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, …
Ask Joy Is it normal that I am _____ years old, and never dated? My Response “Normal” is subjective. Maybe you’ve: 1) Never dated. 2) Haven’t dated in ten years. 3) Your only date consisted of your cousin being forced to take you to your senior prom in your Uncle Fred’s mint Toyota Tercel. It’s normal to feel not normal. Especially when what we long for seems to be magnified in everyone else’s life. When you desire to be in relationship, EVERYONE is in relationship. Even the …
Ask Joy Can you be sexual without having sex? I mean, as a single twentysomething Christian, how can one abstain from sex but still not completely shut down their sexuality? Any thoughts? Thanks! My Response Yes! We are sexual beings through and through. Our sexuality must be more than just sex, but it will look different for everyone. Abstaining should not mean denying how we were created. Once we can separate our sexuality from just sex, I think we are free to discuss this in …
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