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Societal and relational implications of being cautious with who we trust.
“I have trust issues” is something I hear a lot…in my own brain when I think about dating someone…
Over the next few posts, I want to ponder the possibilities of why this is increasing in our generation and how we can stop it.
Should we stop it?
Is distrusting people unhealthy or a good way of protecting ourselves?
For many of the friends I have spoken to, having trust issues is generally founded because they encountered untrustworthy people. Society has been wounded and our hesitation to trust feels valid and necessary for self-preservation.
Dr. Jean Twinge, the author of GenerationMe (yes, that’s us) also pointed this out in a recent study I read. Her book stated that in 2000, 64% of 18-24 year olds said people are just looking out for themselves.
Distrust is increasing in our generation, as opposed to our parent’s generation, and Twinge is quoted as saying, “GenMe trusts no one, suggesting a culture growing ever more toward disconnection and away from close communities.”
But, that puts a negative spin on the lack of trust, where as in the context of romantic relationships, Author John Van Epp writes in his book How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, the importance of balancing five different areas of a growing relationship.
Guarding our hearts, and having good boundaries is something that is necessary for everyone. In relationship, it is important to not let one of these areas get out of balance. “Whenever your trust exceeds what you know about your partner, your risk goes up,” says Van Epp.
In addtion to Van Epp’s findings on trust, multiple books on relationships talk about the power of chemical releases that take place in our brain such as Oxytocin and Vasopressin. When we touch, whether appropriate or inappropriate, these chemicals can create feelings of trust and loyalty when it may or may not be valid.
So…we must be wise and careful with who we trust.
But is this idea of being careful with who we trust new information to anyone? Has there ever been a past generation that has existed without hurting each other and creating grounds for distrust? Why then, is research showing (as well as my personal experience) that our generation is gaining in its lack of trust for one another?
To be continued…
Next week, Part 2: The effects of media and our autonomous culture on trust.
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Am wondering if “I have trust issues” is sometimes said as an excuse for a sort of lazy, snarky cynicism. Like a conscious self-deception… though I think many people actually DO have them. Also, why are we so distrustful of others and so uncritically of ourselves? Just a thought.
My guess is that our lack of self criticism vs. others criticism is due to us being coddled (sp?) more than other generations. We are the generation of our parents fighting with our teachers (for us) over why little Billy should have an A+. It’s the teachers fault, not little Billy for playing video games instead of studying. Thats obviously a generalization, but overall it seems like due to our inability to be still and introspective how could we possibly stop and recognize that we have some issues to work on.
I agree, “trust issue” can seem lazy and snarky, but I think it’s mostly a blanket statement for deeper fears. Again…this is where introspection and investment in communities can be helpful in healing some of these fears, but that takes work and risk.
…and you just caused me to spill part of the follow up blogs. sneaky val.
admin thinks...
I forgot to add that the winner of the “Game” from last week was Valerie from Wheaton, IL. The correct answer was “The Eiffel Tower.” Your knives are in the mail. (-:
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