Last week I went and saw a huge high-rise building get imploded. Apparently the person selected to push the button was a five year old little girl.
Talk about a forever let down when she returns to her building blocks…
After the implosion, my friends and I tried to get closer to the site. As we neared the street leading to the huge pile of rubble, a cop was trying to keep people out.
“Don’t go down that street! You’re wrong!”
You’re wrong? Not only did it come out offensively, but grammatically those two sentences just didn’t make sense.
Under my breath, (and with a slight attitude) I said, “I’m wrong? Like, in life in general?” What an odd, strong statement to make. The cop didn’t want me going down that street, therefore I was wrong.
From my logical view, if I was in search of a pile of rubble, then I was absolutely right!
It all depends on the perspective of the person.
I have quite a few friends who speak like this cop when it comes to men. Recently I had dinner with a friend who stated that she was a “self-proclaimed man-hater.”
She had a rough year for sure, but “man-hater?”
This isn’t the first girl to express such sentiments. Even though “man-hater” may be in jest, the attitude is the same…
Relationships hurt because they are real and we (should) give something of ourselves, yet we as women (and men) can act shocked by the opposite sex’s wrong behavior.
Well to be fair…the world is unfair. We live in brokenness and pain. But there are also times of joy, and from these happy times some feel entitled to constant happiness.
Where did that come from?
My guess is it stems from our generation having access to numbing stimuli. Music, movies, video games, magazines, and social events. These things can numb us to pain, but stimulate our senses.
None of this is bad, but it seems to contribute to a selfish mentality. I had a hard week at work, therefore I owe it to myself to watch this movie or go to this concert or buy this shirt.
I deserve this.
Carry that over into dating relationships and we set ourselves up for disappointment.
Let me make a comment here: This is not just women. We are all looking for what we want to compliment our lives and our goals. But to observe my female species for a moment…
We compare battle scars and get fired up about stories of similar frustration. “He said what?!” “Well that is just a lie.” “What was he thinking?!” “Why won’t he just ask me out?”
We don’t understand, we are disappointed and somehow the only way we know to guard our hearts is to become “self proclaimed man-haters.” Some of us say it, others just think it, but…we feel wronged, therefore men are wrong.
I’ll tell you about some men who are wrong…
The father of my friend Jamie, who molested her over and over as a little girl until he was sent to prison.
The father who raised my friend Sue in a satanic cult where men did things so awful to her, it can’t be repeated here.
That is pure evil. That is wrong.
There is evil in the world, but are the majority of men we are dealing with evil? Or do most of us just come at life with different perspectives?
Jamie experienced evil, yet after years of work and counseling she forgave her father. She is getting married soon to a wonderful Godly man. Yes, a man. Not sure she could have gotten married if she hated men.
Sue experienced evil few of us will ever come into contact with or comprehend. She too, through much work, forgave her multiple abusers. She chose not to marry, but she has also chosen to not hate men.
Both women had more of a right to hate men than most of the women I know. But they have worked hard and experienced great freedom. They had options to marry or not marry, but they knew that bitterness was not an option.
Saying things flippantly like “self proclaimed man-hater” can be brushed off as self-preservation, but where is the sensitivity that hatred may hurt the heart of God?
Understandably, I should always live in a manner that guards the heart, but if that guarding manifests itself in hatred because of being wronged, then it moves into hurting oneself and the heart of God who created both male and female…and was very pleased with his creation.
Do people have a right to hate me? Will I allow my heart to get hard because people failed me?
Am I without sin? How is this helping my soul?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
I absolutely agree Jenny. You are observing the same things that I am observing…and have been apart of myself.
The point is to not minimize someones feelings of hurt, pain, being wronged or even evil. The point is, what are we doing with those feelings. Sometimes feelings are right, sometimes feelings are wrong, but they are always very REAL to us. Suppressing those feelings aren’t good either, but staying there and blaming or hating will never heal us.
We as a community need to become aware when we are no longer processing our feelings for the sake of healing and we have shifted into sinning.
It’s a fine balance, and that’s why we need people to help us and hold us accountable.
Recently I had a friend stop me mid-conversation and say, “is this taking you to a place you shouldn’t go right now?” I thought I was just verbally processing, but she saw where I was headed…
Those are the kind of friends we need.
Keep your thoughts and observations coming! Thank you~
Jenny thinks...
I’ve been thinking a lot about these things lately, as I have a few close friends who have recently broken up with long-time boyfriends and have turned that man into a monster in their mind. In all things, they (my female friends) are right, THEY have been hurt, THEY have been misunderstood, THEY have been mistreated. I’ve seen this often enough to realize that, whoa, maybe it’s not just that their ex’s mistreated them, maybe it’s not just the male race, maybe it’s the HUMAN race. We hurt each other when we let others in and allow others to claim a part of our hearts. It’s the nature of the game. It’s not that guys are especially insensitive and cruel…gosh, I’ve seen girls treat guys with contempt and self-interest more often than the other way around. I’ll bet that guys, though they might not “feel” to the same degree as girls, could articulate the same feelings of mistreatment, hurt, and anger towards the women in their lives. And I guess it comes down to the fact that these sorts of demonizing thoughts aren’t good for the soul at all, and don’t help us to progress as healthy human beings or move on from the hurt that is inevitable at the end of a relationship. More often than not, that anger is simply a defense mechanism, and traps women in a cycle of negative emotions and entrapment in a relationship that is no longer a reality. Do you agree Joy? I would love to hear your thoughts on this stuff, as, as I’ve said, there’s a lot of it going on in my friends lives right now. 🙂
| at |