How infinite is space
And who decides your fate
Why everything will dissolve into sand

How to avoid defeat
Where truth and fiction meet
Why nothing ever turns out as you planned

These are things that I don’t understand
Yeah these are things that I don’t understand

Things I just don’t understand – Coldplay

Maybe it’s our generation, or maybe it’s just my age and the realistic fact that with age comes pain and questions…but it appears lack of understanding is why many question God’s plan.

“Why did I lose my job?”

“Why is everyone else so fertile?”

“I thought I was supposed to be married at this age.”

“Why is everyone else so happy?”

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!”

_____

Ever since I was a little girl I have been interested in death. It’s weird I know, but it fascinates me. I think about all the people that died only a hundred years ago that none of us knew or know anything about.  Will that be me?

I guess due to the internet, a hundred years from now people will be able to see that I had a Twitter account, a blog and a public report of when I took the “City of Portland” to court for towing me unnecessarily.

I lost.

This is assuming we have internet in 100 years.  Maybe by that time everyone will have iHands where they look at their palm, think of what they want to know and it glows the answer. That would be sweet. Instantly, one could have all the details of my court case at their fingertips.

Literally.

So, this weekend I was reading Matthew 17 (cause nothing says crazy Saturday like the transfiguration passage) and I noticed something new. In verse 9-13 Jesus is explaining that the Son of Man (himself) will be raised from the dead. The few apostles that are with Jesus remind him of the Old Testament prophecies which state that the prophet Elijah has to come back first. Jesus (who probably didn’t need to be reminded) clues them in that the prophecy had already been fulfilled by Elijah’s spirit coming through John the Baptist.  Then scripture says, “The disciples understood…”

These men, who walked and lived with Jesus during the days of John the Baptist didn’t understand the full picture of what was happening. This occurs again when Jesus tells them of his upcoming death in verse 23 and then again in chapter 20:18-19.

They were so accustomed to hearing the Old Testament passages, and so sure they knew how everything was going to play itself out, that they completely missed what was happening in front of them.

Peter’s denial of Christ is an even greater depiction of what happens when our lack of understanding shakes us up.  Can’t you just see Peter freaking out?

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!”

Like the earlier Peter of Matthew 17, I would love to have Jesus respond to my questions so that a hundred years from now people could look back and read, “And then Joy understood…”

But I doubt it’s always going to happen like that. My faith doesn’t promise me full understanding while I am on earth, so I will most likely die with a number of questions. My desire is to be ok with that; to take deep breaths and reject the idea that trusting the unknown plan is foolish and un-intellectual.

This is not to discount the losses and lack of this life, but to grieve the unknowns.  There is no gain in the suppression of my sorrows.  But for now I will attempt to live in the freedom of what I can know about God’s plan for my life. Then one day when I die I will say, “ahh, I understand.”

Romans 11:34
“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”