The Ask Joy question for this week was: Do you think gender stereotypes are a bad thing? My guess is that it was on the heels of me posting these hilarious videos: HERE and HERE
Oh, and Walter make another cameo. I know that’s why you watch these videos.
What do you think about my answer? Do you think men and women are different?
Do you think it’s ok to point out stereotypical differences even if they don’t apply to everyone?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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Hey Joy,
I’d be hesitant to use the word “stereotype” to describe what you’re alluding to, and maybe even what the questioner was alluding to, in this post. The etymological and sociological implications of the word “stereotype” are overwhelmingly negative and always indicate an *over* simplification of a people group. Stereotypes are by their very nature harmful and degrading, and, when used, do “violence” to a person or a people group. They don’t develop out of reality so much out of a power struggle; that is, the desire of one group to control and dominate another group and to do so by defining who they are. I wish we could just redefine the word “stereotype” to mean something less vicious, but in a way I’m glad we can’t. It’s an important term to recognize when something wrong is going on. Stereotypes are tantamount to racism.
From what you say here, though, it’s clear you don’t intend to do “violence” of any kind. Also, I just know you and know your heart. You even state in your reference to Galatians and Genesis that you agree with Scripture that neither gender is superior to the other; all are “equal” in the eyes of God and, therefore, reality. (And you do a good job recognizing the difference between “equality” and “sameness”; men and women are “equal”, but they aren’t “the same”).
I think a better term here would be “generalization”.
Generalizations can be helpful for us to make linguistic categories in our brains to sort out one person from another; one thing from another. As children, we learn that things that walk on all fours and are furry are “animals”, not “people”. As we become more familiar with “animals”, we start to recognize that there are different sorts of animals (ie “dogs” and “cats”). As we become more familiar with “dogs” and “cats” we start to realize that there are different breeds and cross-breeds even within those categories. All of this is part of neurological and linguistic human development.
An “OVER generalization”, however, is a generalization blown out of proportion; like saying something that’s “often true” is “true all the time”. “Often” and “all the time” are different; they mean different things. So generalizing to a degree is appropriate; but a disproportionate generalization–an over generalization– isn’t.
I don’t mean to get too heavy here; I’m really just pointing out the dangers of casually using the word “stereotype”. It’s important for our witness to be cautious with our terminology.
Of course there’s a place to laugh at some of the general habits and caricatures of both genders, whether these habits come from nature or nurture. And there are definitely differences in communication styles and the neurological make up between men and women. Your dad’s doctoral research makes that clear.
And I think “Boys Will Be Girls” is hilarious and hints at some painful truths.
I think there’s a way to recognize the real differences between men and women while maintaining a nuanced perspective of both genders; recognizing there is variation in both groups. Scripture and scientific research agree on these points.
I think a large part of this blog is on that journey. You are constantly looking for patterns while recognizing and analyzing variations. This is known as “research” and “critical thinking” ;).
Also, you look really cute in that black poncho. Is the dog yours?
Mike – “Stereotype but be willing to adjust.” I think that is good when you are using the definition of stereotype that one would find in the dictionary which has no negative connotations…Val on the other hand believes the definition of Stereotype is only negative.
Val – Your argument was very clear and I completely agree with you IF I believed that the definition of the word stereotype was as malicious as you would say that it is. I used “Gender Stereotypes” specifically because that was what the question asker was alluding to based off of those video’s I presented. I believe, as I said, stereotypes become harmful when they are used to view one party as superior to the other…
But at the heart of the definition of the word stereotype, superiority is not at the root. Our culture has added that to the definition I believe, and that’s where political correctness has captivated a word and put a new power or definition to it. What I think stereotypes can be defined as is very much in keeping with your definition of the word “generalization.”
However, outside of semantics…the core of my message is what I was trying to convey clearly, and in your description I think we both agree on that. Correct me if I am wrong.
And since Mike said he was “not sure,” then I want to recap in words my point of the video:
1) Stereotypes CAN be harmful if the characteristics they point out are untrue or degrading of a people group.
2) Because stereotypes can be harmful, we shouldn’t go overboard and resist the characteristics that stereotypes can point out that MAY be true. This might be denying how we were made.
3) If sterotypes by their true definition were to point out TRUE characteristics of a people group, then we should appreciate them and see how those characteristics are strengths.
4) If we view different stereotypes as strengths that one person may have and we may not, we will enter into conflict with a more open mind. If we don’t, we will enter conflict assuming everyone thinks and behaves as we do, and when they disagree with us, we will only be able to view them as less than or inferior to us…THUS…the negative affects of what we fear about stereotypes (unjustly judging someone) will happen.
Does that make sense?
p.s. no the dog Walter is not mine…it’s my friend Lindsay and her husband Matt’s dog…Matt films my videos. He’s cute until he forgets he is not the size of a puppy anymore and wants to “show love.”
Hey Friend,
I do think my main hesitation was merely semantic in nature. It’s unfortunate that “stereotype” has such a strongly negative connotation for me (definitely related to my anthropology background). I’m definitely willing to admit that I’ve overblown that negative aspect of the term personally.
Everything from :54 on I agree with! I would quibble with “stereotypes come out of truth” because my understanding of “stereotypes” is a little different than what you’re communicating in the video. (And yes, I did look it up too, and still observed that there were somewhat negative connotations, though admittedly not as insidious as I first felt).
So thanks for the gentle challenge on that.
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I think that the videos you’ve posted have mainly used satire and farce as a means of commenting on something true about gender differences. Satire and farce often use generalizations or caricatures to make a point. Sometimes satirists are merely malicious, but often they cleverly reveal that the emperor indeed has no clothes. We need satirists and jesters in our lives to help us take ourselves more lightly and to challenge us to think differently.
how have i never heard the word “androgyny” before? i feel so much smarter now. thankyoueversokindly.
your hair looks SO cute. seriously.
Val – Once again great thoughts. Do you have my dads book Cracking the Communication Code? (it’s now called the Language of Love and Respect) It was so funny because I was flipping through it the other day and noticed in the endnotes on page 321 my dad references generalizations and “negative” stereotypes. I thought it was so funny that I would find that on the heels of our convo.
Alece – Seriously, it’s something about the filter on that camera. It really does make my hair look good. I’ve started fearing people seeing me in person and being like…”Do you bathe?” Your hair looked great on camera, but in person it looks like you are in “pre-dread” stage.
Yeah! We have it… it’s been in a box since the move, but I’ll try to find it.
You are a rockstar!
Ok, so next question… when are you going to start taking these and creating online or DVD based training modules for NextGen relationships?
This stuff is awesomesauce friend…like I could totally take this to be an ice-breaker in a women’s small group. Use it to kick the group off…
Not a sermon, just a thought (as my pastor would say) 🙂
Jenny – You make me start sweating with your ideas and honoring words. Use away. Love and Respect NOW’s goal is to be a resource! Now…DVD’s? That’s crazy talk. You would not want to see me on anything bigger than a you-tube screen…
Oh c’mon girl! You, the dog, the camera… it’s bound to be a best seller (btw, did you notice there was a dog in the clip you sent me a while back? Is that part of your identity branding? I might have to steal it – give my pugs top billing on the new website instead of me 🙂 )
Hi 🙂 I know this comment is completely irrelevant to the topic of this video blog, but I can’t help but comment on the video quality… I really like it. The depth of field, and the color saturation (is that the right word choice?)… it looks like film. Kudos to your cameraman.
P.S. I liked the blog topic too. As a member of Generation Y, I know that I have been indoctrinated (by society) with the false idea that acknowledging that there are differences between men and women is politically incorrect (or just plain incorrect). I am just now beginning to deeply discover that this false idea is actually truly diminishing to my own gender. It’s like saying, being a woman is not good enough, so I have to be just like a man to be equal. How silly is that!?
Michael Pacchione thinks...
I’d rank “how we teach stereotypes” as the second most frustrating thing in the world (number one being “how we teach the use of exclamation points). Here’s the deal: we need stereotypes. They’re what the brain uses to process information. If a woman were to enter a room dressed entirely in leather and the brain didn’t deduce anything from her outfit or gender, we’d all go crazy.
What we should be teaching isn’t so much “don’t stereotype” as much as “stereotype, but be willing to adjust.”
I think this is what you, Joy Eggerichs, are saying too but it’s really hot in this house, I don’t have the best attention span anyway and I’m just not sure.
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