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Will there ever be a point in a relationship where you will feel free of doubt and be 100 percent ready to choose to commit?
For some people, yes, but I think that’s more indicative of a personality trait than whether something is right or wrong with the other person. Regardless of personality and feelings, it’s more important to say, “Am I free to date this person based on what Scripture tells me?”
Based on your personality, you can decide and be free in your decision—not because you are without doubt, but because you are without fear that, by making this choice, you are sinning against God’s commands.
Move forward freely.
Some of you may be saying, “Joy, are you nuts? When I married my wife I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was the ONE!”
Guess what, Confident Cleon. Not everyone has your personality. Anxious Andy has been this way since he had to get up and choose what color of name tag he wanted at the second grade science fair. Overanalyzing Opal has had an overabundance of ankle sweat ever since she was first asked to pick players as the kickball captain.
Some of us STRUGGLE with making decisions. Second-guessing our decisions is part of our DNA for a number of reasons. I feel bad for those personality types who believe their stories have to be just like Confident Cleon’s and Know-It Nancy’s.
If they can recognize their personalities and cling to the truths of Scripture (and I really mean cling to, as in repeating verses to oneself and BELIEVING), then I believe they can move forward confidently.
Luke 12:22–23, 31
And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.…Instead, seek his Kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”
There are plenty of passages on anxiety in Scripture, but I like this one because it says, “Life is more than what you will eat….Seek his Kingdom.”
In the midst of not knowing whom you should commit to, are you seeking God and asking for direction? If you are and you know your life is more about serving Him with someone than just about some… “one” then committing to a partner based on that should help free up some of your doubt.
But there still may be some doubt, and that’s OK.
It’s probably been your MO your whole life to second-guess your choices and commitments. If that is the case, and if everyone around you is saying this is a good choice for a life partner, then move forward and commit if this is the person you can imagine doing life with.
If it’s your personality to be more like Know-It Nancy and Confident Cleon, then maybe this doubt is for a reason, and, in the depths of your soul, you know this person isn’t right for you.
And let me be clear: I am not discounting a doubtful person’s doubting. You could be right about your uncertainty. So how do you know? Same way as everyone else—seek counsel from people who know you both!
No matter what personality type you are, once you have committed, there is going to be work involved, but also great reward. Let’s pray that Opal meets Cleon and Andy meets Nancy.
That should even things out…at least in the gene pool.
From my heart,
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.