Watch the intro to find out what this is all about: RSOTU Intro (1 of 15)
Let me be clear. Respect does not mean foolishly staying in an unhealthy relationship. However, there are wise and respectful ways to remove oneself from an unhealthy situation or confront a hurtful miscommunication.
Have your insecurities ever caused you to misinterpret someone’s statement? How did you respond?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
./’./’ “Take Six” ./’./’
i know my insecurities create a filter through which i see and hear and experience things in my life. it taints my perspective and then causes me to respond out of that place of insecurity (fear)… vicious cycle…
retranslating things that people have said is my specialty. I can turn almost anything into some sort of insult against me. But i’m very aware of it, so I always try to clarify things before I take what i’ve heard too seriously. With my husband, if he says something, I’ll tell him what my brain turned it into, so he can strip it of all the stuff i’ve added that he never intended. Its ok with him, because we have the communication skills to get around that, but if its with someone else, like a colleague, it doesn’t work as well, because to admit that maybe sometimes i will misintrepet things is revealing yet another of my insecurities. So i’ll probably go off and have a cry about the secret meaning i developed from some innocent statement that someone said
Lisa – you have a great way with words. Loved the closer and I also loved “misplaced sense of value.” That can happen to me often!
Renea – I know you have the cassette tape don’t you.
Alece – I am EXACTLY the same way. Have to talk myself down often. We can help each other not stay in those places.
Mary – I hate to admit it, but crying can sometimes be the best release. And then we pull ourselves up and gain some clarity on the situation.
I am just now catching up on the ROTSU after being out of town/pretty much unwired for a while! It’s awwweeessome. I really appreciated your simple, direct response to this one, and completely agree. Having your guy approach this issue as wanting to pursue a healthy life together is much more significant and motivating then “lose weight”, which, I agree, is a flag to head for the hills.
lisa thinks...
Joy, you ask good questions..this one is tougher! I tend to be more intuitive, and one time I inquired out loud to an acquaintance “Why am I feeling scorned?” And he replied non emotional, “Because you are. ” In the moment, I did not react with words …felt a little stunned-remained calm and was able to carry on with the conversation. I had my poker face on I suppose. Later these words stung to the core! I had to resist every desire to be ugly cuz I was hurtin’ but instead prayed for the Spirit’s blessing over the situation, that person and for myself. I regret not getting more info to understand the motive for his response. Decided to let the dead horse lie. However, I did ask myself why was his opinion really important to me? I realized that I had misplaced my sense of value and was relying on others to validate it. The good news of the “scorning” is that it sent me on a journey remembering how God views/embraces me and areas that I needed to repent of. God knows me better than I know myself, I trust with my soul. I appreciate God’s Word which is true and right. The whole incident was a good reminder to consider the source. While I didn’t like being scorned there is a reality that I will smell like death to some people and to others I will smell like life. Not afraid of that anymore. Thanks for the training, Mister. Making lemonade out of lemons… it’s refreshing in the desert.
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