How do I know if I’ve heard from God before entering into a relationship?
(Note: We shot these very last minute before I left Michigan. We didn’t do a sound check hence the poor audio. However, my brother IS a fantastic videographer and I am so grateful for his help when I am home in the mitten state. Check out his site: Motivity Pictures)
Does waiting to hear from God ever paralyze you from making decisions?
Do you even incorporate God into your decision making process? How?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
@Julie, Ha…don’t go checking yourself in anywhere just yet. Loved your words.
I have had experiences where I was 99% confident that this was God speaking to my soul, and I think we can take it to that 100% by asking ourselves, “Does this line up with or contradict scripture?” Depending on that, we can move forward in confidence and PRAY the Lord will be glorified in all that we do during this life.
I think people sometimes forget that God is not the Great Dictator. He gave us the capacity for wisdom through the Holy Spirit and expects us to use it. We are not always going to make the right decision, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we were acting outside of God’s will when we made it.
@sharideth smith,
And sometimes even when we make the “right” decision, it may not turn out the way that we want, hope, or expect it to. In relationships specifically, just because we’ve discerned (or directly heard from the Spirit) that it is right to pursue and enter a new relationship doesn’t mean that it will work out in the long-term. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we discerned or heard wrong. There are a myriad of reasons, other than failed discernment and making a wrong decision, why a relationship may not end in marriage, or a successful marriage at that.
Fortunately, we can rest in the truth that God is faithful and will use each experience to draw us closer to him (Romans 8:28).
@Robby, Amen again.
@sharideth smith, Amen woman.
I really needed to hear this. Not for a relationships, but I need to make a decision about something and not sure if God is leading me to say “yes” or “no.” I feel pretty good about saying “yes” but was fearful on acting just on a feeling, like not sure if I should trust my feeling about pursuing this choice. And whats really funny is I was talking to God about this just yesterday, and this morning, you post this video! So of course I am still going to give it some time and seek God’s Word before giving my answer, but I feel even better about it now than I did yesterday.
@Erin, This is so encouraging to hear. I really wanted to encourage people in the Freedom we have in Christ. He isn’t trying to trick us in this life, but He DOES know what things will help or hurt us and wants to give us some guidelines so we make wise decisions. But the reality is…even in making the best decision, people and situations in this broken world can hurt us.
Thanks for the post Joy. I just came out of a relationship where I felt like I needed a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer from God, and at times I was so frustrated. I became so wrapped up on the right vs. wrong decision that I forgot to look at the big picture. Thankfully I have wonderful people in my life to remind me that God is faithful, always, and he is a glorious God who can [and will] bring glory to all situations.
The ‘yes’ and ‘no’ decisions were to determine on whether or not Boy and I should continue in our relationship. Throughout our relationship we had been pursuing the Lord in our relationship, keeping him in the center, being discerning with the Spirit; basically we did everything you were supposed to do when you think about how to ‘do’ a relationship right. Because we had constantly put God first, when we came to this point where we had to make a decision on whether to proceed or not, the ‘yes’ or the ‘no’, I think God gave us the freedom to make the decision ourselves, without some blinding, obvious sign from God screaming at us the ‘correct’ answer. I felt like he was telling us to trust in him that he will be faithful to bring glory to whatever decision was made.
In the end the decision was ‘no’ and we broke up, and while there was pain, we both left the relationship so unbelievably thankful that it had happened. God taught us both so much, and I can already see how God is using the decision we made to not be together to enrich both of our lives. Was it the right answer? I don’t know. I’m not totally convinced that either decision would have been better than the other, but rather they were different, but it is God who is constant; trusting in him allowed us to proceed with our decision in confidence.
Wow, I don’t think that this post went where I expected it too, but I hope that’s ok. If nothing else, thanks for hosting a place for me to get my words out. Kind of like when people thank their friend for lending a listening ear, except this time I should be thanking you for your reading eyes. But that seems weird so I’m not going to thank you for it.
And now this post is so long, I don’t know how to end it… uhhhhh, shoot.
🙂
@Eliza, Haha….You and I both have trouble knowing how to end things apparently. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150306012961698
This IS a place to share, so don’t ever hesitate. Well, unless it turns into a novel. (-:
I kind of relate with what Sharideth is saying. It’s often a fine line between having patience/listening for God’s voice, and not acting when opportunity presents itself.
I heard a quote last Sunday in church (and I don’t remember who said it) that stated: “Sometimes the holiest thing we can do is to do something.”
Of course, there are limits to a statement like this. It doesn’t mean we should be reckless or go out and become serial daters. But at least for me, as someone who hesitates way too often, it makes sense.
I think the key in all of this – and you mentioned this Joy – is simply to pursue the heart of God and focus on that relationship.
As long as I am pursuing the heart of God, I’m beginning to think that I don’t need to be afraid to act, at least not as often as I have in the past. I have to trust God enough to believe that as I draw towards Him, I’m going to begin to hear His voice more clearly in my life when He does choose to speak. To go even a little further with this idea, even if I have been mistaken and acted perhaps when I shouldn’t have, if I am pursuing God, I have to trust Him enough to believe that He has the ability to meet me wherever I’m at and work in my life and to continue to write a story with a good ending.
I don’t know if that makes sense, or if it relates to the issue at hand. I sometimes go off on tangents. 🙂 I guess really I just am starting to believe that unless there is an emphatic “no” or an emphatic “yes” we hear, God is ready to work with us in the choices we make.
@Jason, I’m tracking. Makes sense to me and I agree.
Also, – we know if we are manipulating God’s word to get the “yes” or “no” that we want.
Hi, it’s me again. Girl who voted yes for e-harmony because of a white horse shortage. So I broke up with the guy on Sunday. I finally realized that this was not the guy that God has for me. It took me a year to figure it out. On Sunday I felt released. I knew what I had to do and there was no question in my heart. Why didn’t I get it sooner? I don’t know. I’ve been praying the entire time. What I choose to focus on is that God was faithful and he gave me an answer. My only sad part is that I’m back to the drawing board. 🙁
@Kate, That is sad. Breaking up is never fun. I pray this weekend you can rest, reflect and be encouraged.
LOVED what you had to say about Scripture and the Holy Spirits direction!
Reason #10,238,974 (on my count) why God is awesome- He knows our hearts better than we know them!
For me, on any major decision, I’ve recently come to take comfort that God already knows how I’m going to choose and has worked it into the grand fabric of His plan. Yeah, behind door #2 there might be some awesome blessings awaiting that I didn’t choose. I’m certain there will be a few moments where I’m gonna hit my forehead on the flip-side because I didn’t know- but God isn’t sitting up there going ‘NO!’ like a rabid sports fan.
Salvation covers right vs wrong. Outside of sin vs not-sin, it really becomes a matter of choosing good vs choosing God’s best. Good usually equals more work, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Isn’t that the comfort extended in Romans 8:27 and 28? When we don’t know- the Spirit intercedes for us. If we are passionately pursuing knowing God’s heart, His plan, but don’t know which way to go, what to pray, what to do, His grace has already stepped in.
It makes me wanna giggle like a silly school girl.
@Missa, Or perhaps giggle like Anderson Cooper… 🙂
Its always tricky.
When i was young, going through one of my angsty phases, I was kind of involved with this guy, who i was fully aware was no good for me, but so very tempting, and I prayed to God to send me somone else so i could avoid being pursued by this particular person. Now it seems like a ridiculous prayer, but it made sense that night. And the next day, along came this guy, who swept me off my feet, and i thought for sure that this was my answer from God. And then we proceeded to have a horrible horrible relationship that was probably more damaging than the first one, but because he’d been sent by god, i had to keep at it. I think that if I had been praying properly, then I would have realised i needed to get out of that relationship quicksmart. If i had recognised the wisdom that God had given me, I think i would have made smarter decisions.
This covers a whole lot. I know you’re only addressing relationships in this particular post but I struggle many times with major life altering decisions. The key that stood out to me from what you said is 1) salvation and knowing the Holy Spirit lives in all of us to have the necessary conviction and discernment 2) being an active Christ follower. How often do we call “Lord, Lord” yet turn around and do our own thing based on our own feelings within the safety nets and comfort zones we’ve created for ourselves? I like that quote from Jason about the holiest thing we can do is doing something- that reminds me of taking a leap of faith fully trusting God- sometimes we act 80/20- we give 80% to God and the other 20% we try to control or hold back. And you’re right we can’t conclude that we heard wrong from God if it doesn’t work out. God allows circumstances for His greater purpose, to mold our characters in the likeness of Christ. Loved this post. Thanks Joy!
I’m not someone who likes to wait to make a decision, so incorporating God into the decision making process, while I think it is wise and ALWAYS a good idea, is something that I can struggle with. It’s like, “Dear Jesus, I have this thing I’m trying to figure out. Get back to me in the next five minutes, cool?” Not an attitude or posture I’d recommend.
I think your advice, Joy, to be in the scripture and to examine what we believe about the Word is very wise. Ultimately these big decisions aren’t so much about asking, “what do I want?” or, “is God okay with me dating this person?” it’s about asking, “how do these choices line up with what I profess to believe?”
One last thing, I think we can get enter into a relationship with the full blessing of the Lord, and I think that relationship can end anyway. Just like some friendships are only here for a season, not every relationship ends in marriage. I think it’s easy to think, “if God says it’s okay to get into this relationship, then it will work out and I won’t get hurt,” but like you point out Joy, we each have free will and there aren’t any guarantees. Relationships require risk and they require trust…which requires risk.
@haleykc, I want to pretend this is my comment. You said what I wanted to say but better. So Joy, if you have anything to say, you can say it to me
@haleykc, agreed! I think sometimes we miss the mark in merely wanting God’s will because we are afraid of getting hurt. We want Him to help us avoid the pain, but maybe we don’t *really* care if it brings Him much glory.
seriously. you are paddling on a surfboard. that’s really all that matters right now.
I wish I read this blog 4 years ago! I got stuck with a guy for 3 years after we broke up! I couldn’t accept the fact that God gave both of us a “A” ok go ahead with the relationship then as my ex has said “God told me to break up with you” -lol! You can just imagine why I got stuck for 3 years trying to figure out this man’s reason for dumping me. Now sadly, I have been traumatized with this “hearing from God” deal that i went with common sense..I am dating a guy who is not a Christian but treats me so well (like he is a Christian)
I really am starting to think the best time to state that God told you something or led you to do something, is after it has come to pass. This phrase “God told me…” has been a stumbling block to many.
Mu-Mu boarding! yes that was hearing from the Lord! haha! Loved this video!
great wisdom friend
Julie thinks...
I used to sit around and wait for a sign or to just hear God’s voice. What I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that He’s with me. Those feelings of this way or that way, or yes or no, etc, I believe, like you said in the video, that those can be the way that God chooses to speak to me, through His Holy Spirit.
If I ever heard an audible voice, I’d probably check myself into the psych ward somewhere…
| at |