• Visit the Mothership
  • All About LRN
  • Subscribe
  • Contact

Love and Respect (Now)

  • Articles
  • Events
  • Community
  • Resources
subscribe to love and respect now
subscribe to love and respect now
subscribe to love and respect now
Mail Chimp Heading

Stay Connected

Get Updates Copy

Don't leave just yet. Besides these articles, sometimes I send out extra special stuff. Don't miss out. Sign up here.

Mail Chimp Sign Up

Stay Connected

13746

people are love and respecting (now).
Join the movement.

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Youtube
  • Pinterest
  • instagram
  • email

Learn about all my subscription options

See my posts by type...

  • Read
  • Watch
  • Guests
  • Most Popular
  • Back to Articles List
  • Next
  • Previous

4

Illumination Guest: Blair Jacobson — Expectations

I know Blair from the streets. We used to hoop it up on Saturday mornings in our SE Portland hood.

And by hoop it up I mean we would play H.O.R.S.E. or I would run around and try to set picks and do a lot of screaming.

Lately, we’ve been having hoop dreams. We plan to put the high tops back on their respective feet and intimidate the 9 year-olds who have taken over our courts; but until then, get to know my friend, Blair…

Baller and writer.

(He’s the one balling in Toms on the far left)

Expectations

By: Blair Jacobson

________

When I was in fifth grade, I had a VHS copy of a movie called “Rising Stars of the NBA.” It featured ten-minute profiles of young stars such as Grant Hill, Kevin Garnett, and Kobe Bryant. Like many boys that age, I wanted–and fully expected–to play in the NBA. I would watch those videos over and over, imagining it was me on the screen. For all the times I watched that video, I have only vague memories of the actual film, but I clearly remember what the description on the back said:

“Every boy’s dream is to play in the NBA but for most it will always remain just a dream. Rising Stars of the NBA highlights the best of a new generation of Basketball players, the best of the few who did the impossible and achieved their dream.”

Cringe-worthy copy.

Still those words spanked me with the reality of my own limitations. It’s not fun or glamorous; it’s a ringing in your ears that makes you want to bang your head against the wall.

And we spend a good portion of our lives trying to scratch that infinite itch. 

I had a lightbulb moment on a drive home from work about three weeks after a break up. I remember thinking that I didn’t actually miss the girl I had been dating, just the relationship and the self-esteem that seemed to have vanished with it. As I healed over time and prepared for the possibility of a new relationship, I continued to think about that time in the car and what it suggested about my motivations.

I began to suspect that unless I was able to find a way to fall for a person, instead of a relationship, I would never be able to receive or give any kind of meaningful love.

These threads all came together while I was on a walk in my neighborhood. Something was missing inside me, some inadequacy, some sort of limitation that gnawed at me. Life wasn’t what I expected as a child; dreams don’t always come true and when they do, they can be miserable.

All the romantic poets that I read in high school had ingrained in me that life was bliss when you’ve met your true love–jet lag is a thing of the past and mosquito bites induce a contemplative euphoria. But as I walked down the sidewalk, dodging spiders that were hanging from the trees, I remembered a quote by Einstein, “No problem can be solved by the same level of consciousness that created it.” I realized that these kinds of feelings and experiences are human and I was expecting another person to solve my problem and make me perfect.

No human can do that.

Once I had this epiphany, I noticed a sudden flagging in my desire to be in a relationship. Girlfriends are a lot of work. They cost money and time; they cause emotional turmoil. With the illusion of benefit dispelled for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to be in a relationship.

Ironically, I started dating my fiancée a couple months later. Would our relationship have lasted if I hadn’t come to this epiphany? Who knows. But I will say from the beginning something was different:

For the first time, I didn’t want a relationship, I wanted a person. 

______

Question

Have you ever fallen for the illusion of a relationship instead of the reality of a person?

________________

Blair lives in Portland, Oregon and is an agent with DC Jacobson and Associates, an author management company.

Follow Blair on Twitter HERE. Find out more about DJ Jacobson and Associates HERE.

subscribe to love and respect now
subscribe to love and respect now
subscribe to love and respect now
Mail Chimp Heading

Stay Connected

Get Updates Copy

Don't leave just yet. Besides these articles, sometimes I send out extra special stuff. Don't miss out. Sign up here.

Mail Chimp Sign Up

Stay Connected

Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.

Share this post (now)

Check out some other great posts (now)...

From My Heart

From My Heart

All of the Love and Respect Now Posts

All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!

Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs

Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death

Fighting for Love and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches

Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)


Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /nfs/c10/h16/mnt/151748/domains/loveandrespectnow.com/html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 405

4 Comments

Cancel Reply

    • Val thinks...

      I’ve never worked with Blair, but DC Jacobson is my go-to recommendation for authors here in Chicago who are looking for an agent. So cool to see one of them on your blog, Joy! This was an especially good post. Thanks!

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        So glad you liked! Yes- Blair is a good friend and fellow Westmont guy. And Baller. (-:

        Reply| at |

    • Erin thinks...

      Question

      Have you ever fallen for the illusion of a relationship instead of the reality of a person?

      Oh yes. I have been there, and I am SOOOOO glad it never worked out and God had and still has other plans.

      Reply| at |

    • Diana Key (@dianakey) thinks...

      This post is so what I needed to read today. The line “I realized that these kinds of feelings and experiences are human and I was expecting another person to solve my problem and make me perfect.” really hit home.

      Reply| at |

    • Community
      • Prayer
      • Unicorns
      • Internship
      • Research
      • Submit Your Art
      • Gallery
    • Events
      • Endorsements
      • Media Kit
    • Articles
      • Read
      • Watch
      • Archive
    • Resources
      • Ask Joy
      • Store
      • Recommended Resources
      • Submit Resources
    • All About LRN
      • About Joy
      • About the Mothership
      • Subscribe
      • Contact
    subscribe to love and respect now
    subscribe to love and respect now
    subscribe to love and respect now
    • Twitter
    • Facebook
    • YouTube
    • Pintrest
    • Instagram
    • Email

    © 2012 All Rights Reserved. Love and Respect.