Most of you know Sarah and her writing already, but for those of you who don’t—here is a wonderful introduction to her writing style, thoughtful mind, and open heart. I had the honor of meeting her and her hubs a couple years ago and get to serve with her and a group of women to help launch the IF: Gathering next year.
But right now I’m excited to have her share an illumination moment with us.
Thank you, Sarah!
Photo Credit: Nate Grubbs
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My husband, Chad, tells an eighth grade story full of shenanigans, dark gymnasiums, and of mercury vapor lights.
Apparently he was quite the prankster five years before I met him and many of his jokes landed him in the vice principal’s office. One of these particular jokes consisted of him pranking his entire Christian middle school by turning off the gymnasium lights during an assembly.
Recipe: 1 Cup of Darkness. A few hundred middle schoolers. A teaspoon of sinister prankster-ness. Stir well and pour into dish. Bake at 350. Let complete chaos ensue.
The mercury-vapor lights that inhabit gymnasiums everywhere take only an instant to be extinguished but take what seems like a lifetime to return to their original brightness. Once the vice principal found the switch to power them back on, the 13 year-olds squealed and laughed in that familiar grey-light twilight. They waited and watched as the full-strength brilliance eventually came back.
I can only imagine what my husband was doing at the time. Undoubtedly he was wreaking havoc somewhere else in the school.
This series is about Illumination. Illumination is when we get a shot of brilliant understanding; an epiphany even. From a mentor. From a parent. From one of our kids. From Jesus. Maybe even from ourselves.
Some periods of my life have been characterized by these intense bulbs of lightening brilliance. There was that one idea that I had. That one thing I said to that one girl that felt like it was coming from Jesus and not me. That one time I spoke and it just flowed. There was that conversation that I had with a mentor a few years ago and it changed the course of my life.
But most of my life has felt like the mercury-vapor gym lights as they turn on. It’s like I’m waiting for inspiration. Or wisdom. I’m watching as a grey twilight becomes full incandescent brightness.
I think we all wait for these bursts like we wait for the view as we come out of the mountain tunnel. We know it’s coming because the tunnel has to end sometime, right? We have to emerge on the other side of the mountain at some point.
But I really think that so much of life is in the in between.
It’s the making the cup of chai morning after morning and reading the news on the iPad and getting caught up on blogs and this forever in between-ness of it all. It is the waiting in the Starbucks/carpool/airport line. It is the in between-ness of the what-do-I-do-after college? Marriage? Kids? It is waiting and watching and hoping for that brilliance that is on its way.
And I know that I’ve been sometimes guilty of using the grey-twilight as an excuse to do nothing.
I’m not going to write that book until I get that amazing idea. I’m not going to move to the next city until I have all of life in line. I’m not going to join that ministry until I hear from God directly and I won’t move forward into what I know I’m supposed to be doing because I’m waiting for the perfect time to do it. I’m waiting for the amazing illumination I know must be coming around the corner.
Those times do come and when they do, it feels like every little piece of my life is right and correct and laid out nicely like it should. But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes we need to act and do and jump even when it feels like twilight.
Of course the lights came back on for all of Chad’s classmates. The VP got very angry and eventually (for other reasons we won’t discuss today) kicked him out of that school. And I’m not sure if Chad even remembers if the assembly continued. Doubtful.
We could sit around and wait for that light to come back on. Sure. But we’d waste a lot of time if we did. Plus, most of the best life is lived in the in between.
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What do you tell yourself in the “in-between” moments, when the life you’re living now seems so far away from your dreams?
What are the “go-to excuses” that keep you from pursuing your dreams?
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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The in-betweeness is hard, isn’t it? i’m kind of in that space right now too. thank you so much for your comment! =)
This made me think of Matthew 13:31-32:
“He (Jesus) put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.”
Sometimes when things start as small as the smallest seed, it’s hard to see what God is doing, or to see him doing anything at all. However, we are enabled by faith to see that that little seed will one day become the largest of plants, a tree. Sarah’s words reminded me not to wait for the tree, but to be excited and trusting during the growth.
yes!! sometimes we forget it’s all about the journey, right? thank you!!
Jenni Williams thinks...
What do I tell myself during the in- between??
I am in that moment. I remind my self that I am more precious than gold to Him and that in the mist of it all He is refining me, strengthening me, preparing me, healing me, loving me, providing for my every need and pulling me closer to Him. I was made to endure all things, to run the race of life so that God may be glorified in the mist of it all. I have put reminders all over my room so that I can read them and remember that God has not forgotten me that He who began this good work in me will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ return. I remind myself that there is no act or part too small in the eyes of God. And I will rest in victory with Him one day because He has already won. I must be patient with myself and allow myself to receive, submit, listen, be teachable, open…. wait. And in the mist of waiting have fun jump out on the edge do something unexpected.
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