Joy,
I used to be on pins and needles waiting to get married. Every interaction I had with a single person was weighted with, “Is this the ONE?”
But now it’s changed. These days, I really dig being single, not least of all because I get to spend time with lots of different people. I still think I want to get married sometime, but I’m really enjoying the freedom and the intrigue of getting to know people without expectations for the relationship.
But sometimes I wonder if this isn’t how a “good Christian” should feel. It feels really freeing, but is it right?
Let me tell you, there is no shame in your enjoyment of being single! Like I said in an earlier conversation with my friend, Kristen, we need to back off making marriage an idol in our society.
All I’m sayin’ is, we should be allowed to become cat ladies (or cat men) in peace!
I think it’s great that you love this season of singleness. Your perspective can be a healthy one, but I would encourage you to find a balance between your current relationship status and your relationship desires. If you have a heart for marriage, don’t ignore it just because you’re not currently sharing a spaghetti noodle with your soul mate.
Enjoy meeting new people and enjoy your independence. But always make sure to be honest and ask yourself: in this season, do I truly feel free, or am I pushing down a fear of never tying the knot?
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Whether single, dating, or married, do you ever find it hard to be truly honest with yourself about your relationship status?
How do you find the balance between accepting your current season in life and pursuing your future hopes and dreams?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Thanks for sharing Sefanie!
Thanks for bringing up the part about God maybe growing us in the single season and maybe using us in ways that He wouldn’t use us if we were attached. I’ve been able to explain myself to some using that explanation. It often helps keep my focus off of myself.
You are welcome!
It seems to me that a major theme of this video and others is the spiritual discipline of openness, learning to position ourselves before God as open to… whatever. Knowing that God is good, we can trust that ‘whatever’ will also be good. Not necessarily easy. But good. We place ourselves in a position of openness toward, and embrace of, our present circumstances while remaining open toward the future, more specifically, open to God, the One who holds the future.
This is not to say it is never appropriate to be somewhat closed, or guarded. But that guardedness is housed in a larger framework of openness, suspicion, or fear, takes refuge in trust. A position of openness and trust is one that yields fullness and abundance of life. Whereas, ironically, fear-based self preservation–ie. guarding our hearts against it’s own legitimate desire for marriage because unfulfilled openness hurts too much–deadens the senses of the soul. If only we could numb ourselves only to pain, but it doesn’t work that way. Our emotional sensibilities are all connected; to diminish any is to diminish all.
Well said! Yes, this is why I did the Guarding Your Heart video. I realized our new definition of that phrase was generally producing people to shut down and put up a wall as oppose to opening their heart to things that are good and true, knowing that the result will be an attractive aroma to the right person. But of course, easier said than done. Especially when we’ve been hurt!
This is a great discussion we have in our young adult group from time to time. I absolutely love being single. First of all, I love the time I get with God. I also love the opportunities that I have to do Kingdom work (mission trips, mentoring, etc). But I also see the downfall of this. I have several amazing female friends that I notice never date and I can’t even imagine asking out because of my fear of ‘messing up our friendship’. Now I’m wondering if people have the same view of me because I have been single for so long. I get the ‘big brother’ or ‘he is safe to be around’ comment all the time. Maybe my female friends have adapted to my own singleness and have gotten comfortable with it (I do get a lot of questions for advice on ‘other men’ – haha). It’s an interesting conversation and I guess the best answer is to be aware of this and pray about it just to make sure that I’m not keeping up guards over insecurities I may have. At the same time, I do believe in being friends first with someone before making the plunge into a dating relationship. Just some thoughts…
Good thoughts! I say, if any of your friends seem date worthy, just take them out! The reality is, once they do meet someone, your friendship will change to some degree anyways. Sure, it might be awkward if they say no or it doesn’t work out- but if you want to be married and you’ve got a lot of quality friends around you, you don’t know until you give it a shot! Just be upfront and honest about what might or might not happen. And try to have fun!
Stefanie thinks...
I think this is a normal cycle. In my early 20s I was obsessed with getting married and dated a lot, trying to find the one. Then I stopped dating all together and really enjoyed being single and grew so much in my relationship with God. Now, I am 30 and God brought me my soul mate and we are engaged and getting married in April. I think we learn so much about ourselves when we live alone and are single, it is an important thing for all young people to do.
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