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Men were challenged in church on Sunday to step it up and date. The fact is, there just ARE more women in church than men.
Anyone up for Polygamy?
Women could be heard saying, “that was such a great sermon. I am glad the men heard that.” It was excellent, but left me with the question of what or who needs to change?
So then I started imagining myself as a man.
A daydream I try to keep to a minimum.
As much as I would love to say that women and men have the exact same needs from church, it wouldn’t appear that way from looking at the bulletin. We are different.* That’s why there are Women’s Retreats, Ladies Night Out and Women’s Forums.
There are some men’s groups, but for the most part, the feel is that they are generally based around accountability and the “do you struggle with porn and other addictions.”
Sounds like a hoot.
But outside of the multiple women’s clubs and the XXX guys group, is it possible that men are less hungry for God, or have we created a system that has filtered men away from the gospel found inside the walls of a church?
In his book Why Men Hate going to Church, David Murrow quotes business guru W. Edwards Deming who says, “Your system is perfectly designed to give you the results you’re getting.”
What and how did this system get started?
For the answer to what the system is at church, observe your own. Each one is different so I can’t make any blanket statements, but just look around, how many more women are there than men? The reasons for how could stem from the Second Great Awakening in 1838 as well as the impact of the Industrial Revolution on the family unit.
Sounds boring, but trust me, it’s fascinating.
Total Truth, a book by Nancy Pearcey, explains the history on these events and how it effected men and women differently. The Awakening of 1838 was incredible because it encouraged women to read the Bible for themselves instead of solely trusting a man’s interpretation of scripture.
The downside to The Awakening is that “…they began to speak of women as being more naturally religious than men…”
This was magnified during the Industrial Revolution. Before it began, most had a family trade that they were a part of. The unit consisted of both father and mother working together, all the while equally teaching and caring for their children. Because of the Industrial Revolution, work was removed from the home and the father was absent, causing the roles of men and women to alter drastically.
Sermons and manuals on child-rearing, (which would be the equivalent of Parents.com today) was a huge social presence. As a result of the Industrial revolution, this was the first time these items were only addressed to the mothers.
The fathers were simply removed.
The negative effects this had for women, was that they were taken from being equal producers with their husbands, to household consumers who were dependant on their husbands’ paychecks. Not to mention being socially isolated with young children all day.
The new work ethic outside the home threw men into a “competitive world of commerce and politics.” The masculine character itself was redefined. The home was now seen as the place of virtue (women were in the home) and the world was seen as corrupt (men were in the world).
Originally when the family unit was at home, the fathers had the responsibility of “moral and spiritual leaders” but now were being told they were “naturally crude and brutish.” Churches shifted towards the more “virtuous” parishioners and the men were no longer viewed as fit for the role of spiritual leader, nor did they view themselves this way.
That seems to me, to be the system that was set up in the dawn of the Industrial Revolution.
And it has produced results.
In light of the systems we have set up in the church today, how do women view men and how do men view themselves?
What can we do to help the system?
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
I agree I feel like most churches tend to cater to women. Even when they do have men’s stuff I’m not sure how appealing it actually is (do guys like sitting down and talking over coffee?). I was actually kind of impressed with my church a few weeks ago (Athey Creek in w-ville) as I was looking at the bulletin board and noticing literally everything on it was a men’s thing (not the typical men’s things either) young mens groups and men’s bible study’s. It was great! Except I sat wondering “where’s all the women’s stuff?!” they have a lot of that too though I’m sure 🙂
ps. I would picture you more as a cowboy riding a unicorn personally.
I read a book in 1999 titled: The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager. (Thomas Hine). No one writes better about the effect of the Industrial Revolution and the effect of men than Thomas Hine in this book. Clearly men changed their role too much and too quickly and the fall out is in effect today more than ever. That is the starting point for decline in the “Men Culture” in this country as weel as the industrial Western nations. I might ad it was the best youth ministry book I ever read…and its not a y-m book. Validation is a big theme in the book. Joy if you took the time to read this excellent read…you would not be disappointed. My parenting to my child and other young people pretty much follows this book. I was already writing about the approach and working Hines insight…and Hines just validated what I had been trying to articulate and explain for several years.
LOVE the two books you mentioned. Everyone should read them. Not just for an understanding of how men and women think or how the church has responded to those differences over the years but to gain an understanding of what it means and how it looks to live an authentic, uncompartmentalized life.
I think there’s a lot of validity to this. My grandfather was a salesman in the 1950s, and that ‘Industrial Revolution’ family dynamic was the way he raised my old man. There was an expectation that you provide financially for your family, and aside from that you could do pretty much whatever you wanted because you ‘did your duty.’ Even my Father, who took a much more active role in the home and brought my stepmother in to help run his business, still fell into that mindset from time to time. The lessons that I learned from my (admittedly successful and good looking) forebears involved getting yourself together financially and picking out the right ‘nice girl’ to take care of all that pesky home related stuff for you.
My obvious distaste for this shouldn’t imply that I’m a wishy-washy, limp-wristed, house-husband-to-be. I’m a red-blooded American male. I like steak and football and anything dealing with explosions, and I genuinely DO want to provide financially for my future family. But I feel like a father’s role as ‘moral and spiritual leader’, as you put it, is totally lacking in our culture… when it should be our #1 priority.
Some preachers recognize that, and talk down to us from the pulpit because we’re dropping the ball. Which on one hand is great, because we dudes like to make excuses about why everything we do is AWESOME and we need people to keep us accountable. But on the other hand, I sometimes feel like preachers add it as an afterthought that they don’t really believe can happen. ‘And oh, by the way, you’re supposed to be a spiritual leader in your house. Step up your efforts, even though we both know your wife will still be nagging you to do the right thing.’ Challenge is good… I’d like to see challenge with EXPECTATION.
In any case, this was thought-provoking and thanks.
Marisa thinks...
1. lindsey's child is creepy. 2. your asterick made me laugh out loud. 3. love where you're going with this joy! keep up the conversations :).
regardless of whether or not you're a fan of mark driscoll, check out this sermon on ultimate fighter jesus (who men can worship).
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/vintagejesus/where-is-jesus-today
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