Last week my friend Lisa said, “You have a lot of people telling you about their relationships, don’t you…”

I do. And I enjoy it because I am passionate about it, but it can also be hard to hear all the brokenness that is keeping people from successful relationships.  I pray that being a listening ear and attempting to give advice to my friends actually helps and isn’t just another “voice to a conversation.” Sometimes we talk and converse so much that we forget to live and exist. We over think, over analyze and sometimes I want to slam my head against a wall.

My default thought: “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE PEOPLE! WHY ARE WE BELABORING THIS?!

But then I remember that:

1)   I am a type A personality and use the “death card” far too frequently when wanting someone to get over an issue.

2)   Who do I think I am? I too am an over analyzer, worrier and have been known to take far too long to get over a broken relationship.

My in depth analyzing process: 1^st week post break up: “NO!” 2^nd week: “Why did he say that?” 3^rd week: “But why God?” 4^th week: “What was the point?” 5^th week: “I bet he’s gay.”

So now you know how I analyze and process in a healthy way. How have you dealt with broken relationships? Be honest!

After a break up I tend to __________________________________________.

My friends encourage me to ________________________________________.

If interviewed, my X would say that I am _______________________________.

I know I can be hyper critical of others due to what I have gone through and been guilty of doing.  Typically after a break up, I don’t rent a bunch of movies and eat gallons of ice cream to numb the pain, but I do have my go-to’s.  I try to figure out what they did wrong so I can feel better about why it ended.

And then I think of ways to make them suffer.

Because of this, I am so grateful for the trusted wise people who will call me out when I am going to an unhealthy* place. For those of you who are saying, “yeah, but I don’t have anyone in my life like that.” Then seek them out. I had to. You can too. But you have to be willing to listen to their counsel even when you don’t like it.

One scenario was a day I was expressing a “theory” to my friend Melissa. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but she calmly stopped me and said, “Are we going somewhere right now that isn’t healthy for you to go?”

The conversation stopped right there.

Sure, it’s fun to have friends who will help you plot how to send anthrax to your x’s house, or ways to remove parts of his anatomy, but at a certain point, it becomes unhealthy and we continue to dwell on something that we can no longer claim as part of the “healing process.” The “processing” or “analyzing,” becomes sinful and maybe lacking in grace for another human being who we once loved and who God loves.

*yes, I am mocking my own emo-go-to music. don’t judge.