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3

Ask Joy: Emotional Boundaries

I wasn’t going to post this “Ask Joy” response because I was really tired when I recorded it and I hope whoever asked the question doesn’t feel like I am un-empathetic…it’s just those lazy eyes that kick in when I am fatigued.

I promise.

And why…oh why…do I end “Ask Joys” with “you should be good to go!” I sound like a 68-year-old car mechanic.

The reason I decided to go ahead and post is because recently I have had multiple conversations on this topic.

How do we have good boundaries? How do we not let past hurts keep us from moving forward with so much caution that we never give anyone a shot?

My answer talks about asking for advice from people who know you, but also to not be so hard on yourself. Don’t be surprised when pain comes.  It may simply mean you have a soul and care about people!

Does that mean we subject ourselves to the pain of heart break over and over? Hopefully not. But we do live in a broken world.  Christ does not delight in seeing our heart break. Because he experienced humanity, he hurts when we hurt.

My theory is that we were never supposed to give our entire heart to someone more than once.  Many of us have to experience and live in the midst of that type of pain due to our broken humanity.

And so, we must press into the hope of scripture, tread forward and ask for support from our diverse community and then, even though the pain isn’t necessarily minimized, we do our best to live a balanced life.

We get up again and give with our heart, trust with our soul, and move on, even when fear and old wounds resurface.

Blessings to all my broken-hearted friends. Soon enough, “you should be good to go.”

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3 Comments

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    • Michelle thinks...

      Joy, I LOVE what you said—something like “every relationships except for one is going to fail.” Maybe it would help the dating process if we changed the way we looked at those “failures”– not necessarily as bad or negative things, but rather as ways to keep learning and feeling and growing.

      Reply| at |

    • alece thinks...

      i agree — that short statement is so freeing.

      i’m learning to “fail well” in so many areas. i know i’m going to eventually need to transition that lesson into my relationships…

      Reply| at |

    • Joy thinks...

      Michelle and Alece, thanks for your thoughts. I wish I could take credit for that line, but I heard it in a lecture at Pepperdine. It is freeing, but will be hard to actually apply!

      I must let the knowledge of truth supersede my feelings at times…

      Reply| at |

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