First you may want to read…
Singleness and the Church: A Helping Hand May Help.
Singleness and the Church: Part II
Continuation from Friday’s Singleness and the Church: BELIEF…and the Satisfied Single.
…Then there are those who want to be married. Some are actively pursuing, while others simply don’t see any viable options or have anyone desiring them. The last option can be the most devastating.
No one desiring them.
If being married is a desire of our heart, and scripture says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) …then what do we do when no one desires us?
This is where belief comes into play.
Old lady in church says to young lady: “God will give you the desires of your heart, so if you desire to get married, he will make that happen. Plus you’re normal and pretty.”
Uh…ok.
What about the people who are abnormal? Or not “pretty?” What do you tell the person who is 55 and still longs to be married?
I think it would help us in many aspects of our Christian lives to go to the “worst possible scenario.” Maybe this is just due to my personality, which will often sit down on a plane and figure out who’s the hijacker and what items from the “pocket seat in front of you”* I can use to bring them down.
Note to Villains: Don’t underestimate paper cuts.
But…getting back to “worst case scenario” and how it pertains to our Christian belief…
This was first introduced to me when I watched my father walk a man through the fear of his future wife leaving him. My father and many other people knew this woman and knew her credibility. There are never guarantees about human behavior, but everyone had confidence that she would be a loyal wife. The man was still paralyzed by his fear, so I remember my dad saying to him, “Go to the worst case scenario…she leaves you. Is God still a good God?”
Woah.
There are a few things in my life that have caused me to completely reframe my thinking. It has shifted my approach to life’s unfairness.
So, what do we do when the unrequited desire for partnership seems unfair?
I believe we must dig deeper beyond just the isolated “desires of our heart” verse in Psalm 37. Read the surrounding verses, read the Gospels and Christ’s loving but firm exhortation to our little amounts of faith and worldly minds. Then we must ask ourselves…
“Do I really believe this stuff?”
“Will I believe God is good if life doesn’t happen how I planned?”
The only way I think we can truly believe scripture regarding marriage, singleness and God’s promises is if we first believe in Jesus and the scriptures that say our lives have purpose that transcend this present broken world. Sadly, some of us have experienced the reality of life’s brokenness repeatedly.
I never want to minimize people’s pain. Our pain can easily affect our belief, and that’s why we must be aware and guarded against letting heartache and unanswered questions be the undoing of something we once believed. What kind of intellect or logical person are we if we let happiness or unhappiness gauge the reality of following Christ?
I know for myself, in pain or uncertainty, it is very easy for me to stop asking God for my heart’s desire. Never asking and not getting from God, is safer than asking and him seemingly failing me (and my belief in him) by not answering and giving me what I want.
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Do you believe He has disproved himself by not answering?
How do we live, have faith and tell God our desires in light of what we believe?
Do we believe?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
That is my go to question . . . Is God still good? When I have chronic pain, is God still good? When my desires go unfulfilled, is God still good? When my support level is low and people don’t get my ministry, is God still good? When my team is eliminated in the first round of the World Cup, is God still good?
YES! Yes—through all the ups and down–the small ones, the humongous ones. He is good. Always. It is the truth that keeps me going. It is the truth I cling to when lies flood my mind.
Recently a friend reminded me that God is always mindful of me. That truth brought tears to my eyes and questions to my mind. There are times when it feels like he is not, but I know wherever I go, whatever I do, I NEVER escape his attention (Psalm 139). He is mindful of me and wants HIS best for me. It doesn’t stop me from asking, from hoping, from desiring, but it does remind me for the need to remember truth and refute lies.
Kora – you honor me with your words. Can’t wait to see you in September!
Sheryl – well said and thank you so much for sharing. Keep your insight coming!
i never thought i would find myself back in this place… but there’s a part of me that is very scared to honestly ask God for what i desire. i actually think the fear starts before the asking… it starts with actually thinking through what it is that i desire.
hmmm…
I think if the recognition of fear is a catalyst to understanding our true desires, then as you said, that’s a great place to start. But I think if fear becomes a place I stay in or find an identity in, then the next place I must try to shift into is what does it mean to trust. And ultimately trust God’s goodness. I think God appreciates me asking and the more honest I am about what I want has allowed me to discover that I find peace in that place. When I don’t ask then I am just denying what I want and never address the longings. I can truly say…peace does not come from that spot!
God always points me to your blog at just the right times. It’s insane. I’m going through my proverbial desert and have been for a while. I feel like so many areas of my life are on the verge of completely crashing down around me. And that one line– worst case scenario… Is God still good? Is he still good if I never marry him? Or not marry at all? Is he still good if I do marry and still can’t have kids? Is he still good if I never truly feel at home… anywhere? Is he still good if I never get rid of student loan debt or fall so far behind that I end up on the street… Is God still a good God?
That question hit me, too, like a ton of bricks. My heart of hearts says yes and believes it.
I’m mad (/sad/gut-smacked/…) that I even needed this article today (well, this month/year/…), but I’m so glad it was here for me now. Maybe it’s more acutely felt as I’m in the vicinity of anotherrrrr birthday. But, sincere thanks for the reminder that God is good (and may He truly help me abide in that).
Kora thinks...
I love the way you think! You have a gift:)
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