First you may want to read…
Singleness and the Church: A Helping Hand May Help.
Singleness and the Church: Part II
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The two general categories of singles I see in the Church:
1) Those who are satisfied single.
2) Those who are not.
Man, I had to do some ground-breaking research to come up with those didn’t I? I think my brain just exploded.
Regarding how these two categories may affect our belief in God, I attempted to get at the heart of people who are Satisfied Single or Ready to Wed.
For Christians who want singleness glorified in the Church, they often quote Paul. He says in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better to be single.
Paul does say that, (v. 7) but we must not take his praise of singleness and neglect the rest of chapter 7.
What is Paul’s greater point?
I believe he is saying that serving the Lord supersedes any relational status. So, ultimately we should live in a way that will keep our interest in the Lord undivided. (v. 34) Paul was living life for the sake of the Kingdom. He had such a profound conversion and encounter with the Lord (Acts 9) that he realizes nothing of this world matters in the same way a life devoted to Christ does. Paul is trying to help some legalistic Christians in Corinth realize this point. He is trying to reframe everyone’s perspective on life. Paul lived a painful, but freeing life of purpose.
True believers know they have a purpose beyond things of this world. (v. 29)
This is where belief comes into play.
I hear far more Christians who are single use Paul’s endorsement of the “better” lifestyle, yet in the same breath scoff at his call to marry if you “burn” sexually. (v. 9) We all know the young horny Christian kids that got married for that reason alone (which is unwise), so we throw out all of Paul’s instruction because “no one should get married just to have sex.”
I agree…but what is our purpose for getting married?
I recently heard Francis Chan say that according to 1 Corinthians 7, he knew his attention would be less divided with a wife, so he actively pursued. He was wise. He understood himself and knew he wanted to be on mission for the Lord above all else. He believed that being married would help him focus and accomplish his work for Christ more effectively, thus he found a woman who also wanted to live a life focused on spreading the love of the Lord. (v. 35)
We cannot ignore the fact that Paul says serving the Lord and being unmarried is best ONLY if your “desire is under control” (v. 37). Paul understood how God designed human beings anatomically. Christians call singleness a “gift” because we believe it entails having the gift of celibacy. It has to be a gift, because as we can see by looking at the human race…it rarely comes naturally.
So, for all of us Christian singles out there who are not actively open to or pursuing relationships, I will trust that we truly believe 1 Corinthians 7 and have been given the gift of singleness…
Jesus said,
“…some men are celibate because they were born that way. Others are celibate because they were castrated. Still others have decided to be celibate because of the kingdom of heaven. If anyone can do what you’ve suggested, then he should do it.” (Matthew 19:12)
There’s a reason Paul & Jesus both referenced celibacy or serving without burning. (Woah… “serving without burning” just came to me and I wasn’t even trying. Note to church leaders: I might be putting a patent on that beauty. Call me if you want to re-name your singles group.)
The reason was Paul and Jesus were focused on the kingdom.
We often don’t like when the church talks about celibacy or abstaining because it can be taught without ever teaching “why” scripture encourages such behavior. All our generation has seemed to hear is “don’t.”
We also don’t like when the church says that singles should serve more because they have more time. Everyone is busy. Note to church leaders: Please don’t use us as free slave labor.
But…
What if we chose to believe Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians, or Jesus’s words in Matthew? What does it mean if we really buy into the whole “our life is meant for the sake of the Kingdom” shtick?
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How do we live if we believe?
…to be continued on Monday…
we will be looking at the second group I fondly refer to as: Ready to Wed
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Thank you Kiersten–you are so sweet and encouraging!
I have heard of that book but don’t have it yet. Thanks for the recommendation.
Hope I don’t do anything to decrease my awesomeness, but there is a good chance. (-:
oh.my.dang you are hilarious
serving w/o burning – bwaaa ha ha ha ha! i love that. 🙂
It seriously just flowed forth from my typing fingers. I’m not gonna label it prophetic or anything…we will let God be the judge of that.(-;
I was just on the Love & Respect page on facebook looking through the notes and one of them said that you had posted something on singleness. So I clicked on it and it brought me to this page.
I love this blog! Especially that you said “please don’t use us as free slave labor.” Most people are trying to hook me up or utilize my so called “free-time” because I’m single. But I’m constantly trying to remind these people that I’m in a relationship with God which is just as time consuming if not more than your “human” relationship.
This guy recently asked me out (he seemed like a pretty good candidate for being called my boyfriend) but I had no desire for that kind of relationship and turned him down. I tried to explain to him the joy and fulfillment I found in being single but he couldn’t get that I was so happy and so not lonely being single.
I’m glad you wrote this because the older I get the more pressure people put on me to find a husband. Then when I tell them I don’t want one they ask if I am a lesbian. It’s nice that I can back up my decision to be celibate and single with scriptures. The thing that I find hard is when people ask me if I am single. I want to tell them that I am in a relationship because I don’t feel like I am single. I belong to God. But that makes me sound crazy to the world. AND if you tell people you are single that translates into “this person is available and looking for a man.” Any thoughts on how handle that?
Amy – Here are some of my thoughts and questions based on what you have written. I am glad that you are feeling so comfortable in your relationship with the Lord. This is a great place to be in, and as I said in my post, this should be the place you are in because you feel it will help you serve the Kingdom better.
My questions are:
1) Are you planning on being celibate for the rest of your life? Have you had people pray about this with you to see if this is a life you are devoted to?
2) My thought is that you are feeling like this is just a “season” of not dating since you were on my parents site which is all about marriage…correct? (-: If this is the case then my thoughts on how to “handle” people trying to set you up would be this…”Right now I am feeling called to serving the Lord alone, but I am in prayer (if you are) and when the time comes for me to partner with someone, I will let you know!”
My last comment and caution: Some people grab onto the “dating Jesus” title as protection. They are scared to date. As I was telling someone last week, “any human relationship takes more work than a life of isolation.” Dating can be scary, but I would encourage you that if you do hope to marry some day and people are asking you out who are Godly men that would make good “boyfriend candidates,” then unless you know the Lord is saying NO, I would just enjoy dating from time to time. You don’t have to marry every guy you go out with. Dating from time to time can help you determine what things you need to work on and what things fit well for you in a relationship.
I know numerous people who said “no” to dates out of fear or putting their life and career first…then one day they woke up and realized they had passed up some really quality people.
Not saying this is you…but just based on the little info I wanted to cover all the possible bases. Thanks so much for stopping by the site–would love to hear more of your thoughts on other posts!
Hello.
May I first start off by saying you are an amazing God-send in my life. My name is Beth, I am 18, never dated, and an unsatisfied single. I know I am just 18 and still so young but an overwhelming feeling of being unwanted and just lame has ravaged my life. Recently, God has started me on a journey of finding my way back to Christ and a Christ-centered purpose. I have begun to realize how blessed I am. He has been there for me all along, creating distance from the influences bringing me down as well as leading me towards relationships that build me up and SO much more. (I had to start writing it all down!) Recently I began praying for a Godly woman in my life. By His hand, I stumbled across your blog. So much good! You are balanced, thought-provoking and sincere. And of course, to top it off, you are from a Portlander and Mumford and Sons fan! God is Amazing! I was standing three people back at their concert! But anyways, I just wanted to say thank you! This blog post in particular was the one “answer” I had been looking for. You know, the slap in the face that everyone needs from time to time. The thing that makes all the evil inside of you say “Dang-it. She got me with logic”. I know that Paul is right and in my current state of.. yearning… a boy would most likely (definitely) be a source of distraction from the current path I am on with God. I can feel myself being strengthened by Him daily and for now I will choose to be content. I keep in mind my favorite Mumford quote from the song Sister “If you want to feel alive, then learn to love your ground”. Thank you so much for helping me to find this revelation. (It may have something to do with the fact is it 2:30 in morning…) But definitely a God thing. He is good! I look forward to reading much more from you.
Beth
P.S. Unicorns ! Of course their real! Just ask their uncles the Rhinos. Or their swimming companions the Narwhals.
hey joy,
i ran over here because i was curious about which category i fall under, thinking there must be about 17 and i love taking quizzes like the kind we used to take in seventeen magazine.
or…the kind…i…used to take?
and now i’m curious about the second category because i’m wondering why we can’t be both?
i’m a satisfied single who is also ready to wed. i’d rather be single the rest of my life than be married to the wrong person. i’m not out there whining and pining for that person, i have a life that i love. but i’m open and ready for that person and have the space in my life for them.
so…? can’t we be both? or…
i’ll just wait til monday.
you’re awesome. by the way.
xo
Thank you Joy.
The college/young adults group at my church might go with that name… 😉
You covered some much needed areas. I remember at one point thinking I would not marry, but not I have seen that it is not for. I appreciate your ministry.
K, bye
Kiersten Johnson thinks...
I just want to say that I absolutely adore you. I have found your blog just yesterday and am loving every minute of it.
This relates to woman but I just found a book called “Lady in waiting : becoming God’s best while waiting for Mr. Right” by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones. You may have already read it but I reccomend it. It makes really great points and goes along with my favorite book in the bible Ruth.
Keep up all your awesomeness. I love it and probably many others!
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