Last weekend I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in my friend Sarah’s wedding. Despite the rain, the ceremony was one I will never forget.

Maybe it was because I was holding an umbrella…

or because I was barefoot…

or because minutes before the ceremony Sarah was playing air hockey with her father…

Those things may contribute to the memory, but the stories that were shared about Sarah and Cassidy are probably what I will hold onto the longest.  I don’t think there was a person present who didn’t get choked up while also laughing hysterically.  The ceremony began with letters they had written to one another, followed by our friend Mike, who is not a “pastor” but officiated like he had been doing this for years.  Well done Mike.  And well done Sarah and Cassidy.

Blessings to you both!

(a little background: Sarah works for an organization called These Numbers have Faces. Cassidy works for Nike.  They are both highly competitive and very into health food. Although, I could probably beat them in a bike race…if I blindfolded them.)

Sarah and Cassidy’s Wedding Homily by Mike Pacchione

“I can’t remember who told me exactly but early on in the “OMG Cassidy and Sarah are engaged and they’re getting married four months from now” movement, someone described the wedding as “very them.”

To which I wondered:

Does this mean they’re getting married at 24 Hour Fitness? Is this going to take place at six in the morning? Do I have to be in shape? I didn’t think too many people would be into that

(maybe Erica)

I kid, I kid, but this (motioning to the setting) and promises of games, BBQ, health food…this is very them. I’ve been to something like 34 weddings in my life. That means I’ve heard that song “Brickhouse” 34 times. I’ve probably seen 34 daddy daughter dances.

I have never been at a wedding with an air hockey table.

I have never been at a wedding with daddy daughter ping pong.

This is not an ordinary wedding.

These are not ordinary people.

This is not an ordinary couple.

Playing the role of bride today, we have Sarah Michaelis. Sarah here is an insane competitor on an individual level, but hates watching team sports because she can’t bear that one team will lose.

At groom we have Cassidy Levy. I was really excited when I got to know Cassidy and learned he loves both country music and rap. I thought I was the only one. He might seem normal but then he asks things like “why would you go to a concert when you can just turn off the light in your room, put on the CD and save $30?”

These are not ordinary people.

This is not an ordinary couple.

And I’m pleased to say that part of the reason why they’re not ordinary is because of their Christian faith. Neither of them came about their faith in a “traditional” way and neither of them celebrate it like a Christian you’d expect from watching TV.

So yes, this is a Christian wedding. If you’re unclear on what that means, let me give you a quick rundown –

It’s not about rules

It’s not about success

It’s not even really about happiness

It’s about a relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ

And a Christian marriage is about demonstrating Christ’s love to the world through marriage

Their choice of scriptural representation is also atypical. You may have been coming in here expecting some sort of reading from a Christian classic – Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5, that sort of thing. Uh-uh. When I asked if there was any part of scripture they wanted mentioned, they chose an interesting one: Proverbs 27:17, a verse we traditionally use in the context of friendship.

I’ll read it to you:

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

I love the imagery of that verse: iron sharpening iron.

My friend Alissa is a chef in downtown Portland. I asked about what the whole “iron sharpening iron” thing meant. She was telling me about iron in the form of knives. I had basically envisioned two iron batons hitting each other. Uh-uh. What I was describing was iron beating iron, and that’s a bad thing. If iron is just hitting iron, the two pieces of iron are actually worsening each other. Each piece is becoming more and more dull. A dull knife is harder to use. It’s dangerous to control. It’s dangerous to use.

The process for iron to sharpen iron is a whole lot different. It is a delicate, precise measure. You have to carefully grind the knives  – the iron – in a specific way. This is not something you can do on autopilot. It takes time, it takes care and it takes effort. A knife cannot sharpen itself and it can only be sharpened by precise, careful measures. What this might look like in real life is a relationship wherein you’re always respectful and loving to each other. Disagreements are not opportunities to air grievances; they’re opportunities to add depth to the relationship. You sit and talk. You respect and love one another. You encourage each other and you add to your collective relationship with Christ.

So this is the part of the message where I tell you that you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, that marriage is hard and so on. I’m certain you’ve heard it before, and with good reason: it’s true. If you’re not putting in the requisite effort, then iron is not sharpening iron. It’s just two knives banging against each other, arguing, dulling each other and making each other more dangerous (not in a cool, Top Gun way; actually dangerous).

And here’s the funny thing: the dulling of iron always starts in the same way – with a little voice in the back of your head saying “it’s no big deal.” So it’s no big deal to disrespect him this one time; it’s no big deal to have this one big argument. Every little thing is no big deal.

Then you get enough “no big deals” and suddenly there’s another voice in your head: one telling you you’ve actually gone too far – that what you’ve done is unforgivable, that you can never recover from all those “no big deals.”

As Christians, you should know that this is not the case. We can always be redeemed through Jesus. He is ultimately the iron that will sharpen your iron.

I feel like a lot of these wedding messages go down the road of pessimism, projecting a world of fights and annoyances and a life where you’re lucky to tolerate each other. This can be a dark and tricky world and obviously those lives do exist. But that is not my prayer for you. When I think of the two of you I think of a sweater that fits really well. You know the feeling of a sweater that fits really well? That’s how I would describe your relationship and it seems like that was the reaction from so many people when the two of you began dating –

Cassidy and Sarah? I can totally see that. Those two just fit together.

You two do sharpen each other. But in case there ever comes a day where you doubt that being the case, I want to draw your attention to the absolute miracle nature of your relationship.

Cassidy had to have a college professor who suggested applying at Nike (even though Cass lived in California)

Cassidy had to apply, be interviewed and hired to intern at Nike

Cassidy had to be willing to stay in Portland

Nike had to have funding to keep him around at the end of his internship and he had to be good enough for them to hire

Sarah had to get into graduate school in Portland and be willing to leave San Diego to go to grad school

Sarah and Cassidy each had to make friends in Portland and then have these friends bring them to the same church

Someone would have to decide that the Lucky Lab was a cool place to hang out on Wednesday nights

Sarah and Cassidy  — not exactly two people who frequent the bar scene – would each have to decide to hang out at the Lucky Lab one fateful Wednesday night

Sarah would have to be willing to talk to Cassidy even though she was angry at the male gender at the time

Cassidy would have to be talking about running (a subject near and dear to Sarah’s heart)

But wait — there’s more:

Cassidy would have to work with and be friends with Kristina,

Cassidy would have to be roommates with Kristina, who would have to be a runner so that Sarah would have an excuse to go over Cassidy’s to “talk about triathlons.”

Cassidy would have to make friends with people – all of whom had their separate set of circumstances going on in their lives — who convinced him to “go for it”

There would have to be some person in the city of Portland who decided to create a fall “mud run”

Cassidy and Sarah would have to separately decide to participate in the mud run

Last but certainly not least, Cassidy would have to be attracted to a girl drenched in mud, running a 5K in bathing suit, cap and goggles

…and that’s only the stuff I know about and that’s all before you started dating

You are not an ordinary couple. You’re a miraculous couple. You’re a couple where iron truly does sharpen iron, and as you advance through your lives –

Doing different jobs

Helping different people, in different countries to do different things

As you give birth to children and raise them to crave quinoa, kale and carrots

As your children go to college and eat a candy bar for the first time

As you grow older and wiser, my prayer for you is that iron will always sharpen iron

That:

After all the shoes have been developed

After all the gluten has been avoided

After all the housework has been done

After all these numbers have had faces

That iron continues to sharpen iron

That you continue to make each other stronger

And that you do it all in the name of Jesus Christ.

Just do it.

You are not an ordinary couple.

May iron continue to sharpen iron in your lives, and may it do so until the end of this age.”