Ask Joy

My boyfriend just broke up with me again. He’s had a rough past with his family and some trust issues. He admits and KNOWS that I love him. He wanted to marry me, but felt so disrespected and was hurt, so he gave up. I’m understanding now after reading your parents book. I want to show him I understand what he meant by disrespect, but I’m also afraid it won’t help.

My Answer

Proverbs 24:16 says, “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again…”

I commend you for trying to be Biblical by addressing this issue of respect in your response to him.  You regret the way you treated him, but don’t let that keep you in the past.  As you are striving to change, don’t live in fear of what happened.  Instead, claim the redeeming nature of Christ and the hope that is there.  You are learning what respect looks like and striving to be active in that understanding.  That’s commendable!  God isn’t going to waste this situation or leave you to figure it out on your own.

Don’t let fear keep you from doing what is right and ultimately full of power for you as a woman.

It won’t hurt to start showing that you understand what respect looks like. As best you can, view him as a man that you care about, but try to remove the mentality of trying to win him back.  See your behavior as an act of trust and practice in showing respect to men in an authentic way. If it prepares you for him—awesome—if not him, another man.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, be at peace with the fact that you left it with a clear conscious and that you desired to meet his need for respect in the most Biblical way you could.  Either way, you will come out stronger and more aware of what respect looks like and that you ARE able to make a change.

There is power in obedience.

Should you get back together with this guy, bring accountability into your relationship. I don’t know all of the details on this relationship so my advice can be lacking.  You must bring Godly people into it with you.  Sounds like he has a lot to work on when it comes to his “rough past” and trust issues.  But just as you desire him to remember the truth of Proverbs 24:16 with you, you must also give grace to a man who may have some past baggage.  Like you though, he needs to actively desire obedience out of his belief in Christ.  Then, with accountability, you have the potential of being a powerfully redeemed couple with a powerful story.

From my heart,

Joy