Ask Joy

How do you get your 18 year-old son to see that committing himself to someone at his age is not a good idea. Also, how do you get him to see that going to the same college as her is an even worse idea?

My son is a strong believer in Christ and God isn’t even on her radar.

My Response

Maybe your son isn’t a strong believer?

Sometimes we can have rose-colored glasses about our own children.  I would try and shift your focus from controlling where he goes to college and who he dates to praying he knows and believes in Christ on a deep and authentic level.

If you really feel like it’s something you have to control and you are the one paying for college, then it’s your choice to not pay for his tuition.  Your money is 100% in your control.

Your son is not.

While you have every “right” to control the financial aspect of his decision, my real desire is for you to have a relationship with your son, not a financial agreement.

I would suggest asking him questions about their relationship. Why he likes her, wants to be with her, etc. The reality is, he’s 18, going to college and will make decisions without you.  What I would encourage you to do is to pray about what role the Lord would have you be as a parent of someone who is considered by most governments around the world, “an adult.”

You are obviously a parent of prayer and devotion who loves the Lord and wants the best for their son.  Your son is lucky to have such a strong support system.

I am not sure why I assume this, but I visualize this being written by a mother. My apologies if I am wrong. However, if you are the mother, I would strongly recommend seeking out any strong male figures (Father, Uncle, Pastor, etc.) in his life and seeing if they have the same concerns.  If they feel it is something that does need to be addressed, then I would consider letting them have a man to man conversation with your son.  I am not minimizing your effectiveness and influence as a mother, but now that he is moving into his adult years, my opinion is that your role and the way you influence will need to change.

Give thanks and pray for wisdom in how to communicate or “not” communicate with your son.  You may also want to think about how the Lord may use you in this young girl’s life, who according to you, doesn’t have God on her “radar.”  You may have an opportunity to introduce her to the love of Jesus…and that is very exciting to me.

From my heart,

Joy