…I don’t have any desire to replace my current life with my imagined one, but my mind is good at weaving stories…
…Is this just a harmless remnant from that phase of life, or is it something ugly that I should be fighting harder than I have already been?
Question: If you had to be really honest, what things cause you to become dissatisfied with your life?
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Hey! Great answer!
For the people out there struggling with this: persevere! Disciplining your mind gets easier and easier the more you do it (but never let your guard down either!). Remember that there are always ups and downs in relationships and there isn’t one out there without real problems (so even if you were with “old flame”, there’s nothing to guarantee the same problems wouldn’t crop up in that relationship that you currently struggle with in your real one– or a whole different batch of much more serious problems).
Claim the name of Jesus when you struggle with temptation. Sometimes we can’t always control our imaginations–ie, in dreams. When that happens don’t spend too much time thinking about it, but continue to pray when you struggle with these thoughts. Refuse to dwell on them, and they’ll eventually become easier to fight!
I know I’m being really enthusiastic about this one, but I just have to say: God loves to answer the prayer of the person who throws themselves at his feet during temptation. If you have to get on your knees and beg for him to help you fight these thoughts, you’ll be surprised how quickly sometimes he’ll run to answer that prayer!
Yep. What Val said. Plus, being gracious with yourself as a person in process allows you to watch yourself gain victory small step by small step through the power of the Holy Spirit, and that is super gratifying! When we’re beating ourselves up, we only see where we fail.
When real-life relationships have to compete with imaginary relationships, real life always loses.
Joy , your response is right on point! I like the time you spent on breaking down the details of an emotional affair. I would add to your thoughts lusting for old intimates and fulfilling the desires of the flesh lead can lead to covetousness which is a form of idolatry (Colossians 3:5-6 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.) These thoughts can become like an altar where you forsake the ways of God to worship this fleshy idealism. Obviously she is having a conscience crisis if she is asking for advice and you correctly affirmed her that fighting the temptation is wise. Agreed rekindling the old flame is disrespectful to the husband and we need to be reminded that which ..” God has joined together, let not man (or woman) separate.” (Matthew 19:6) Hurting God’s feelings is a reality when you disrespect the covenant you made in His eyes. More thoughts on the subject make me ask: 1)If the tables were turned, how would it make the woman feel if her husband was rekindling old flames?! Jealous? mad? insecure? vengeful? 2)Can she be transparent with her husband and tell him about these “curiosities” or “pursuits of boredom”. Better to confess that waywardness or loneliness or the emptiness or emotional stirrings with her husband than be sneaky about FB encounters. If she can’t share with him… that is another sign she is moving in the wrong direction in her marriage relationship-harming the reality. Women do need to learn to be good stewards of their loneliness and times of feeling alone. Married women can become wayward wives if they are not guarded in their emotional life. Proverbs deals with them harshly warning men to avoid them: Prov 23:27-28 …” for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well. Like a bandit she lies in wait, and multiplies the unfaithful among men. ” Hollywood glorifies lustful encounters and adulterous affairs, desensitizing our sensibilities and boundaries. God lays out the harsh reality in adulterous affairs, he will let the ..”one worn out by adultery, …..let them use her as a prostitute, for that is all she is.'” (Ezek 23:43-44).
Spending time in the presence of the Lord makes a huge difference in contentment for women! Seeking fulfillment of those legitimate feelings of wanting to be “pursued” and “desired” are real for a woman ..and can be met in the Lord! Renounce the false lovers and get face to face with the Ageless Romancer!
Good discussion Joy.
I love the discussion on this too. The mind is such an important part of who we are–our brains and imginations are such beautiful and vulnerable things…just like anything good: food, sexuality, love…our enemy is lying in wait for a vulnerable time (loneliness, misunderstandings, etc.) to pounce. I know that outwardly, my life may look clean and squeaky, but I have an enemy who wants to distract me with what, to me, looks beautiful and ideal but is self-centered and provides a cheap way to feel important, beautiful, successfull, cherished. I agree with Val. The mind is worth fighting for, and discplining. I know when I can recognize lies or dreams disguised as good things, and replace them with reality and truth, my mind becomes a little more transformed into His likeness.
Thanks for the reality check Joy. I know that I am easily tempted to check in on old boyfriends, even though I am happily married to an honorable man. My husband is not a jealous man (I’m thankful to be his one and only relationship because I’m afraid I would be a jealous wife). Anyway, in the past we’ve invited my ex for dinner and to hang out. I honestly believe my husband when he tells me that he doesn’t care because he trusts me, my love, and my commitment to our reality marriage. However, I know that I get giddy when I am anticipating an interaction with my ex, which I recognize is NOT healthy.
Stacey – Woah, crazy story.
Val – Great insight. Discipline is so hard, especially when it is of the mind and it’s hard to see any physical manifestation of that discipline. But it is to benefit us and we must trust the power of the Holy Spirit as you mentioned.
Renea – Great reminder to be gracious on ourselves. Depending on your personality, many women can beat themselves up over having an unfaithful thought, but instead of beating ourselves up we must practice saying, “Uh, Lord…I need your help please. Thanks.”
Lisa – Great insights as well and I love your passion on this topic. Thanks for writing. I would add that while it is super important to have open dialogue with your spouse, I think sometimes its healthy to bring your struggles to someone of the same gender that you see as a mentor for accountability. Depending on your spouses personality, it might not be healthy to tell them every single thought you have, but rather to have accountability with someone over those thoughts. I would say the same thing for guys…it’s important your wife knows your struggles, but it may not be AS important to tell her every time you have a thought as it is what you do with those thoughts and what kind of men you have checking in with you over your struggles.
Erin – Exactly! It is so easy to put on a show. While I said that discipline of the mind is hard to gauge outwardly, I do think over time it probably has huge repercussions on how we physically feel. Making healthy decisions with our mind can only promote freedom and peace in the long run!
Kayla – Wow, thank you for your honesty about this. I would really encourage you to share it with an older woman in your life so she can encourage you. Sounds like you have an incredible husband! Jealousy is NO fun.
awesome stuff!!! thank you for sharing
Girl you did it again! You hit the nail on the head – I will be embedding this video on my blog on Women Living Well – very soon. I have some words from my own heart on the topic of facebook ( I have officially unfriended all my guy friends – not because of any trouble of my own but because of seeing others struggle with it – I just wanted to stay above reproach…I did keep male family members – but the rest are gone and the worst part – they all keep re-inviting me lol! I feel so bad)
This video will sandwich very nicely with my thoughts on facebook – I’ll let you know when I decide what day it will run! Thank you! GREAT job putting it so elogquently!!!
Keep walking with the King!
Courtney
Charisse – Glad you liked!
Courtney – You are too kind. I pray the Lord gave me wisdom and that it will help people think and be aware of their thought life. Let me know when you post it! Any video of mine you post turns to gold!!
Joy,
II really appreciated this video .Thank you for coming to my school and speaking passionately for the Lord.
Blessings to you.!
Student – a) I hope your name isn’t really student. But then again I could be putting my foot in my mouth like when I made fun of anyone with the name “Cherry” during the forum. Oops.
b) I had a blast. I love and am praying for all of you guys.
(i like the deep voice you bust out when you’re talking to yourself…)
(and walter is HUGE. seriously. but he looks oh so cuddly.)
you handled this topic so so well. such good wisdom here.
Question Submission I received:
Q: How can a girl stop herself from getting emotionally attached to boys on Facebook? It has become a vicious cycle for me with different guys..Please help me!
A: Re-read your question a few times and pray about what you think the solution would be. In my mind if you seem to have the personality that is getting emotionally attached to anything that is causing you to cry out for help, you would want to cut that “thing” out of your life.
Or you can keep it, and continue to live in emotional agony.
Boundaries for your own sanity will take work on your end. There isn’t a magic button, but I am proud of you for recognizing your triggers. Don’t live in agony that you have control over.
Thank you
Thank You for this Video
Stacey thinks...
I know some people I went to school with who reconnected this way on Facebook and they started seeing eachother. They are both married and now she’s pregnant with the old flames child!
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