Why did God create men to lust? I hate it that he has to “turn away.”
I suppose it’s because I can’t understand it. I am completely fulfilled with my man. There is zero attraction for me when a hot guy hits on me.
So my question is, why? Is there a purpose? I think if I understood it a bit more in a biblical sense, I wouldn’t find myself taking it so personally.
How many hot guys are hitting on you? Where do you live? Can I move in with you?
I am not a biblical scholar, but the more and more I learn about Scripture, the more I am amazed (sometimes confused) and assured that God is far bigger than I am and man is far more broken than He is. He’s perfect and doesn’t create evil, but He allows it and gives us instructions on how to live in the midst of brokenness.
But I knew that wouldn’t suffice as an answer, so I pulled out the big guns.
I asked my dad.
This was his response:
In the wisdom of God, all good things have the potential for a dark side.
We don’t know why God allowed males and females to struggle with various things. For example, do you as a woman struggle with fear? Are you even fearful in the face of this struggle your man has? Does this fear undermine your faith? Do you become insecure and suspicious? Do you then undermine the very friendship you prize? Remember, perfect love casts out fear according to the apostle John, so is your fear making you into an unloving soul?
You could become a condemning, judgmental woman toward your man, who honestly struggles and is taking every step to remain pure but who will always know he is inches away from seduction unless he stays the course. For you to judge him for his maleness reveals another struggle in your femaleness: self-righteous judgment.
For you, because lust is not a problem, it bothers you that your man struggles here. But he may not struggle with fear, so who is the “worse” person?
In answer to the question, we don’t know why God allows the visual to stimulate males as it does, and that is why he must make a covenant with his eyes, as Job did, and not look upon a woman with lust, as Jesus instructs.
All of us are fallen, sinful creatures who need to look to God for help to follow Him.
My dad of course is playing devil’s advocate and sympathizes with your hurt over this, just as I do. But I think both of us would say that your fear and frustration are real, just as your man’s struggle is real. So what do we do?
A struggle is one thing; letting ourselves act out sinfully on the heels of that struggle is another. We live in brokenness, so we will all struggle. We won’t always know the why, but we do know how Scripture calls us to respond.
That response can bring freedom and faith to our fears – which is why God tells us to trust Him.
It’s difficult for me to trust God in the midst of things I don’t understand so I completely empathize. I would encourage you to pray for your man that he can remain pure in the face of temptation and have your man pray that you can remain at peace (without fear) in the face of trials.
From our hearts,
Joy and Emerson
P.S. If the “hot guys” that are hitting on you happen to look like my favorite J Crew model I really need to find out where you live.
(More on this tomorrow…)
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Erin – I think you will enjoy my post tomorrow. (-:
The visual becoming more and more important to women is a freaking double-edged sword. On one hand, women are beginning to realize and understand how this struggle really affects men. On the other hand, more and more women are struggling with that kind of lust themselves. At least, more and more women are admitting it. It’s something I wish I didn’t understand so well.
As a female i have to say i understand but a lot of the time it’s reversed, i have some serious problems with visual lust and even “reading lust”. the thing my husband an i have found helpful is one Emerson’s book and two to sit down and talk about our fears, that isn’t easy it’s like going to the Dentist, but it REALLY helped! Plus we now both ask “does this make it difficult for you?” that helps to keep us in check too.
I have to echo Erin’s comments. “God didn’t create visual enjoyment in men only.” Which also means that women as well have the capabilities of allowing lustful thoughts, habits, and patterns to invade their lives. In the culture we live in, women are slowly closing in on men in use of and addiction to porn, and extramarital affairs.
I do agree with Dr. Emerson’s thoughts on fear though. My husband had multiple affairs and fear has been a constant battle since his confession. Shoot, fear is a constant battle for many women even when they haven’t experienced emotional trauma in their marriage. But what I choose to do is remember that the struggle that my husband has endured is a struggle that many deal with. And God doesn’t see his sin as any different than mine. His lust and my fear are both a symptom of the truth that we as humans choose to trust in other things than God such as ourselves, our status, our feelings.
I know it may seem cliche to say God has used that evil for good in our marriage but it is true. And we have been able to build up from the rubble to begin creating a marriage that is more fulfilling for us both and more centered on God than ever before. Because God is in the business of taking what is broken and rebuilding it better than it was before!
I am looking forward to the rest of your thoughts on this tomorrow!
Jennifer, Monica and Alecia – Great insights. The “reading lust” is something I kind of address in this video https://www.loveandrespectnow.com/?p=1425 (which happens to star my incredible friend Erin in our spoof at the end.)
Whether someone believes some struggles are more gender specific or not, the reality is that we all have different struggles and we must not judge someone for a struggle that we have that is not our own. This is what I start to touch on tomorrow — but it’s definitely much more light-hearted than today’s post.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Great stuff.
1 John 2: 15-17 “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”
Lust and Pride has been one of the temptation tools of the serpent since the Garden of Eden. Eve bought into the lie first. Then the man! Why is “lust” in God’s permissible will? Why is lust a daily battle? Why did the serpent go to the woman first? I suppose it goes back to exercising the free-will choice to be in relationship with God.
Without the “choice” to make in relationship, it would be like being in relationship with a preprogrammed robot who obeys your every command or a blow up doll! Yuck! Boring!, creepy weird!
Turning away from temptation is a good exercise in self control. Express appreciation for the turning. It is a form of respect. Jesus also commanded to pluck the eye out and cast it away if you if can’t get it under control(Matt. 5:27-30-cut off the hand too if u can’t get it under control). A self-controlled “turning away” is looking better than self mutilation or being an organ donor because of sin!
It may be the outward display of “turning away” that makes her feel less than captivating. The reality is the same thing happens in her mind, a turning away from “HOT guys”but she doesn’t display externally/physically. She disengages emotionally and is more discreet. Is it possible Pink and Blue “turn away” from temptation differently too? Good communication will clarify any doubts or concerns she has. Find out what he is attracted to…or what that girl reminds him of..;-) The woman’s intuition is God-given too-trust it! Praise your man for turning, pray with him. Rebuke the fear, replace it with respect.
But is it so wrong to have that kind of fear when your man hasn’t ‘made a covenant with his eyes’? My husband made a lot of confessions to me last year including strip clubs, porn, and worse, and also, wanting nothing to do with God. All the ‘things having to do with other girls’ he promised to put a stop to, but I don’t have a high expectation of his ability to keep those promises because he doesn’t have or want God’s help.
I have found myself almost angry at God for making men the way they are. Why would he make this such a struggle for them? And what do you do when your husband gives into it because ‘that’s the way guys are, and there is nothing wrong with it’?
I do have to say that our marriage is much better than it was at that time, but I still struggle in this area.
Lisa – You TOTALLY hit the nail on the head with this line:
“It may be the outward display of “turning away” that makes her feel less than captivating.”
We aren’t discounting the feelings of the woman by any means, but addressing the depravity and struggles we all have. Which leads me to Angel…
Angel – Fear is natural, anger is natural. I empathize with your pain and so does God. Scripture teaches us how to deal with these things so that we don’t move into letting our feelings control and dominate our lives. It is so painful to hear the choices your husband has made because of how they impact you and your heart.
Fear is normal since we live in a broken world, but to let that fear move you into seeing yourself as better than your husband when fear can be just as debilitating is something we are trying to point out. Your husband is responsible for his actions, you are responsible for yours – especially in response to his behavior. God will deal with you both – and it may look differently than you desire.
Choosing to show love and respect in the face of fear which has been triggered by another person’s sin does not mean being a doormat or condoning the behavior…it is how you choose to confront the behavior that can put you in a place of obedience and I believe power.
God will help you and honor you for your commitment to obey.
About the “fear” thing, I have to say that, that’s stupid. God didn’t say: do not fear, I don’t think that’s fair to say. And as far as him saying the perfect love cast out all fears, I fell like that’s out of context.
April – I would encourage you to do a search in scripture on the word “fear” and the number of times it is spoken about in the context that I believe we were referring to. It’s OK if we come up with different interpretations, but I would encourage you to work on your own word choice when leaving blog comments. Have something helpful or encouraging to say to the person that wrote in the question if you disagree with my words – more than, what she said is stupid and out of context.
So I am the woman that asked the question and never checked back until today because.. I suppose I assumed you would email the response. I even felt abit silly for asking the question. But, oh my, what a mine-field of opinions and ideas this apparently unveiled! I just want to confirm that your Dad is right on!! In the weeks/months since I submitted the question I became very serious about seeking God on my own fears. I was so excited to come back to your page and discover that it totally confirmed what the Holy Spirit had been revealing to me personally. And I simply want to reaffirm that fear is equally as sinful as lusting. Period. There is a verse Revelations 21:8 “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and fornicators, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Notice that fearful is mentioned before the fornicator. All of this to say I am completely free from this fear… and have/am learning to trust God with my husband. Its been beautiful.. and honestly, if it helps anyone, since I no longer am consumed with this fear, there has been a noticeable difference in my husbands battle. For what its worth, I’ll take my portion of the blame. To clarify my question ” Why did God create men to lust” … I would have been more accurate by asking ” why did he create them with the ability/desire to lust”. Perhaps I’ll never fully understand… and I don’t imagine that the reality of failure in my husband will ever lose its power to sting. But I can say that my God is HUGE and he delivers those who put their trust in HIM! I adore my husband.. and Joy, he’s pretty much a dark-haired blue-eyed version of J-Crew perfection! ( Perhaps thats why I am never tempted to look elsewhere-lol-) What Lisa posted about feeling less captivating, was so right on… but when I realize that I am BEAUTIFUL the way God made me, even if I can’t compete with super-model-ness , he CHOSE me!! And in that I am so blessed! Thanks for your beautiful, heartfelt insight… and also for your Dads contribution. I found each segment and following posts to be fascinating and fun to read! Blessings to you ,Joy-girl , as you step out and expose subjects many would fear to touch! Oh.. and one day, a gorgeous girl like you will definitely stumble upon your own J-crew look-alike! Claim the verse ” Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart!!” 🙂 He did it for me in countless ways!! – SRF
SRF – Wow, hearing your words is such an encouragement. I shared it with my parents as well. How confirming that the Lord spoke to your heart before you read this. Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words! We are all in this process, growing together. I learned a ton from doing this series and all the comment discussions that followed!
p.s. The question submissions are anonymous so I don’t know who writes them in!
Erin thinks...
God didn’t create a visual enjoyment in men only. The visual is becoming very important to women as well. Some of us may be able to focus in only on our man, but other women have a very difficult time keeping their eyes (and imaginations) off when a hot guy runs by with his shirt off, for example. I love Emerson’s point: all good things have the potential for a dark side. And the gap is narrowing between men and women in regards to the visual. Both of us have to acknowledge a darker undercurrent to our desires, quick to distort what God created as good.
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