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“Cynicism is not activism” is one of my favorite quotes from author Patton Dodd. I love it because it forces me to think about what I am doing in this life rather than what I am complaining about.
While the trigger for criticism and action can be the same thing…
Cynicism is easy.
Activism is hard.
We can’t change men. Only God can. But I believe we can be agents of change, used by God to restore a belief in the male population. I think many of us fear doing this. Why? Because we have been hurt.
I know hurt. Trust me.
But I also believe men have been hurt. They’ve been hurt by our words, which shame and make them feel like we no longer believe in them. My desire is to start a movement of strong women who don’t fear speaking belief and encouragement into the lives of the men around them.
As women we want grace for our shortcomings. Don’t we? Shouldn’t we be willing to offer the same grace to men? Men aren’t perfect, but they shouldn’t have to be perfect for us to speak encouragement and belief into their lives.
Cynicism names the problem. Activism renames.
For example, cynicism complains that men are passive. Activism respectfully confronts the passivity, while simultaneously showing belief in who he is as a man. Activism replaces the cynics’ wrongful contempt, which no human being created in the image of God deserves. As my father says, contempt will shut a man down and usually make him passive.
Hmmm… What did The Wall Street Journal article call men?
So let’s rename men. Not because they deserve to be renamed, but because none of us deserve to be renamed and God has renamed us anyway.
We are redeemed.
Or let’s rename men because we might have mislabeled some of them in the first place. We took their withdrawal as rooted in passivity, yet maybe they withdrew because they felt like we didn’t respect, value, or trust who they are as human beings.
Thank the Lord we are redeemed!
But what does it look like to actively rename men? I think it looks like letting them out of the box we’ve mentally or verbally put them in and being strong enough in our womanhood to honor men for simply being men.
So my question for you is: Can this be as scary of an idea for you as it is for me? Why?
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Val – Make your responses as long as you want. I love them and learn from them. You nailed it for me when you said the word “Control” and “Fear.” Fear is what drives my desire to control. Not even necessarily controlling men, but controlling my feelings. If a man makes me feel a certain way or I have fear of him making me feel a certain way I either label him or don’t interact with him. Hmmm. I want to counter this — especially in light of what Scripture says about fear.
Sounds a lot like Pastor Mark Gungor’s Butt Kicking Women conference. Are you familiar?
http://www.buttkickingwoman.com/
Joy I wasn´t first getting what you where about to say with your post´s(So now what) . I think as a guy I have to submit something to this discussion.
I´m a mama´s boy. I just easily get along well with my mom. We have almost every time the same opinion. But my relationship with my dad wasn´t that good. I was criticizing him often, we had a lot of arguments, we almost never had the same opinion. I have 3 sisters, so somehow that must have played in that situation as well.
But I wasn´t happy with that situation a few years ago. So I decided to take some steps toward my dad. We started to do sport together. Now these days we still don´t always have the same opinion but we are good friends now. I just realized what it is about. My dad isn´t perfect, there´s a lot to criticize. He likes to drink wine. He smokes Cigarrs. He talks foolish when he drinks to much. Well he doesn´t dress up that well(therefore my mom does this). He easily gets you in weard situations. He´s sometimes complicated and makes things in a way that doesn´t make sense. I could go now on and on but I think you get an idea. But my dad is a real follower of Christ, understanding salvation very well. It was my mom after all. The way she acted toward my dad was washing down on us/me especially. My dad always got to hear: Don´t do that or that, do that different… . I was following my mom and not respecting my dad. I started to respect now my dad. It is really great, it works. Our relationship is way better. We even have secrets. I can´t have secrets with my mom, she´ll tell others. My dad is also good to ask for advice in the topic of dating. Who would have thought of?! I tried respect toward my dad, and now I already get benefits from the rewarded cycle. If you want to know what I´m talking about read Joy´s dad´s book “love and respect”. Even if you´re single as me! It helps you to understand what you need and what the other sex needs.
At the end I just ask you women out there to give us men one thing: Respect. Not because we deserve it, but because of Jesus. I´m not perfect, I know that. I like to drink alcohol sometimes. I like to party till early in the morning. I like to do crazy things. I like to sing along a song while driving cars. But deep in my heart, I like to find a soulmate. Someone who takes me as I am. I think we as man are willing to give up on things for the woman who doesn´t see us as a project but respects us. Period.
before we were married, my husband made some bad decisions, and we broke up for quite a while. But it was God’s example of redemption that brought us back together. After doing a pilgrimage in Turkey and Greece, God revealed to me the fact that he had loved and forgiven me for all my wrongs, so perhaps I could extend that same love and forgiveness to the man who had wronged me. And I did, and we got back together, and got married.
So now whenever i have a moment where I feel I’ve been hurt for someone, i take a deep breath, and think about God’s love and forgiveness for me, and the power that can have when i try to live it in my life.
Our young women’s group met this week, and the topic was the Power of Words. I think this renaming thing fits great into that theme. We did discuss something like this, but I wish that I could have read all your posts on this before the meeting, because I could have been even more insightful.
Micayla – I haven’t heard of the conference but I do know Mark – Funny guy. Was actually on a cruise where he and my father were both speakers. I am now a fan of Mark, not of cruises. (-:
Renea – This movement won’t happen without powerful women like you behind it. Holla back girl.
Andi – Thanks so much for sharing your story. Sounds like you have processed this a lot and are seeing the power of believing in people’s good will. Awesome.
Great Discussion. I am a 41 year old single female and have really become kind of disillusioned with the whole”marriage” thing. I rarely see the principles discussed in Love and Respect played out in couples lives I know. It could be I am not “in on” their day to day lives. It seems so foreign. Kind of like a fairy tale. I want to believe it exists for sure. I read all the books, listen to all the speakers, go to all the retreats and yet ALL of it is so elusive. I pray that we can ALL encounter truly divine God ordained healthy relationships with sincere brothers and sisters in Christ who are wrestling with these issues and we can learn and support each other. Personally I tell myself ALL the time I would rather stay single then have all the problems I see in marriages out there. Why does the bad have to outway the good???
At this point, where Jesus -my Redeemer, my confidant, my lover, my King, my friend has brought me, there is absolutely no fear in standing behind something godly and ennobling.
The verse that comes to mind about your movement is: Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
You really defined your vision statement with:”My desire is to start a movement of strong women who don’t fear speaking belief and encouragement into the lives of the men around them.” A movement needs a name! What will u name it? Define your house if u will!
Knowing both male and female are made in the image of God, equal in value, different in abilities and giftedness speaking words of life and encouragement into people is respecting the Creator/our Father. Being made in His image is VERY GOOD according to His Word! We really need to trust the Creator’s Word in this and not add to the Devil’s lies!
Healing our understanding of who God is and who we were are in Him is @ the core of how we treat people- especially opposites and those who make us uncomfortable. Those who are redeemed by Jesus Christ need to know their value/worth ..their validation comes from Christ!
http://www.healingofthespirit.org offers direction in many areas of healing of the Spirit. Starting on page 122, it has a section on learning how to Heal our image of God!
Scriptures tell us the truth about God; they say God is:
• intimate and involved (Ps. 139:1-18)
• merciful, gracious, and compassionate (Ps. 103:8-14)
• accepting and filled with joy and love (Zeph. 3:17, Rom. 15:7)
• warm and affectionate (Is. 40:11, Hosea 11:3-4)
• always with me; eager to be with me (Jer. 31:20, Heb. 13:5)
• longsuffering, patient, and slow to anger (Ex. 34:6, 2 Pet. 3:9)
• loving, gentle, and protective of me (Ps. 18:2, Jer. 31:3, Is. 42:3)
• trustworthy, wanting to give me a full life (Lam. 3:22-23, John 10:10)
• full of grace and mercy (Luke 15:11-23, Heb. 4:15-16)
tenderhearted and forgiving; His heart and arms are always open to me (Ps. 130:1-4, Luke 15:17-24)
• committed to my growth and proud of me (Rom. 8:28-30, 2 Cor. 7:4)
We are made in his image we should walk in His spirit!
The scriptures tell me that in Christ:
• I am accepted and loved (Gen. 1:26-27)
• I am the salt and light of the earth (Mat. 5:13-14)
• I am God’s child (John 1:12)
• I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)
• I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15:1, 5)
• I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
• I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
• I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
• I have been justified (Rom. 5:1)
• I am united with the Lord and one with Him in spirit (1 Cor. 6:17)
• I have been bought with a price; I belong to God (1 Cor. 6:20)
• I am a member of Christ’s body (1 Cor. 12:27)
• I am a saint (Eph. 1:1)
• I have been adopted as God’s child (Eph. 1:5)
• I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
• I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Col. 1:14)
• I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)
• I am free from condemnation (Rom. 8:1-2)
• I am assured that all things work together for my good (Rom. 8:28)
• I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35-39)
• I am God’s temple (1 Cor. 3:16)
• I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
• I am a minister of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:17-20)
• I am God’s coworker (2 Cor. 6:1)
• I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2:6)
• I am God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
• I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)
• I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3)
• I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1:6)
• I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20)
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
• I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7)
• I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)
• I can find grace and mercy in time of need (Heb. 4:16)
Operating in faith and walking/talking these truths are a great place to start!
Amen! Amen! Amen! Sita’
You nailed it on the head. Choose THIS DAY whom you will serve. As for ME I will SERVE the LORD. We can either SERVE Jesus and Intentionally line ourselves up with His TRUTH or we can SERVE our sinful nature. Our flesh and reap death!! Turn the MIND!! 🙂 Praise Jesus!!
I agree that it is high time for us to be strong women of the Lord who speak words of life and encouragement to the men around us. All of us have fallen short. None of us are perfect and yet Jesus redeemed us and renamed us out of his pure unconditional love. I have greatly benefited from reading this five part mini series so far and wholeheartedly make a decision to edify men with the words of my mouth. Most importantly to edify men with the word of God and not use the skewed and demeaning labels this western society has chose to label men with.
Val thinks...
Hey Friend,
Love the encouragement you’re putting forth on the blog. I think this is a scary step for many of us because we know that the human condition is affected by the fall (nature) and that has resulted in people abusing and neglecting one another (nurture)…. to a degree. (I know that’s only *one* side of the redemption story)…
Anyway, what I mean to say, is that as women or as wives or mothers or friends there’s only so much we can do before the power of our influence peters out. It’s up to the Holy Spirit and the man himself to take up the mantle and decide what to do with the environment we’ve sought to create (in our homes, conversations, etc).
So what I think I’m saying is: yes, it is a little scary, because there are always factors outside your control. Sometimes, when the result is unpredictable, we hedge our bets by not even taking the risk of respectful behavior and grace. We think it makes us vulnerable, and it does. There’s a kind of dying to self that happens that is really scary. But when your life is hidden with Christ, you can do these things without fear (not because the result will always come out the way you hoped, but because you can trust that God loves you and is taking care of your whole life). I think that’s part of what your ministry is all about… helping people to step out in faith by acting lovingly and respectfully toward one another, knowing that God is behind them.
I don’t know why my responses are always so wordy in the mornings. Sorry about that!
Happy St. Patricks Day!
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