If I am 23, how old is too old for the person I am dating in your opinion?
93. You want them to at least remember who you are. Obviously there are different factors that come into play if you are coming from different generations. But if the person you want to date is older or younger, the bigger questions to ask are: Do the wise people around me say we are a good match? Do they support our relationship?
If the person you want to date is saying, “Age ain’t nothin’ but a number… but don’t tell your parents we are dating,” it is a huge red flag.
Someone who is honest and comfortable about the age difference is far more appealing to me than someone who wants to keep the age gap a secret.
My point? Quality of person trumps how close that person is to Social Security kicking in.
From my geriatric loving heart,
Joy
P.S. I’ve been getting a lot of questions about age differences. Why do you think people are really asking me?
P.S.S. I just found out my funny friend Sharideth wrote a blog on the same topic this week: Dear Sharideth…
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
shout outs are my favorite.
Val – Yeah, you always have to wonder about the “daddy” complex or as in Sharideth’s post, the “mommy” complex.
Sharideth – Your husbands 72 right? Paying for domain names has to come from some type of old moneybags! Way to do what you had to do.
Hey Joy! This has nothing to do with your post, though I think it’s an interesting topic and I’m heading over to read Sherideth’s post too…
I know your love of unicorns, so when I saw this headline today I immediately thought of you:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42596870/ns/technology_and_science-science?gt1=43001
What does your age say about you? What does your age say about someone else?
A 16 year old can have experienced a multitude of emotional scars and a 40 year old could be naive as a toddler.
When 900 years old you are….look as good you will not, heh!
kids don’t wear wristwatches because they’ve carry a clock on their phone. Old folks still insist on this analog insanity on their arm. Does this cause a disconnect?
Bob Seger (male) listener & Justin Bieber (female) listener, might not work.
I’m with you, Joy. Most of the time age doesn’t matter, maturity always does.
I agree with you, Joy. Ultimately age doesn’t really matter. You do have to be careful that the relationship is two equal partners, and not a ‘daddy/mommy’ relationship. You want to make sure that you both can bring something to the table, and it isn’t one older/more mature person helping the younger/less mature person all the time. 🙂
Also: Make sure that you can respect the person you’re with. If they’re older than you, make sure that they still respect you and don’t look down on you because of your age. Even if you aren’t as mature (personality-wise) as the person you’re with, make sure that they’re still able to respect you.
When I was in my early 20s I dated alot of older men. My dad was alot older than other dads, so I think that maybe my “old enough to be my father” thing could be pushed a little further. Even though technically they were old enough to be my father, there was still 20 years between my dad and them. At the time the relationships seemed to be rather normal, but hindsight shows that it wasn’t as ideal as i thought at the time.
However, I always believed that if someone treats you right, is kind to you, supports you, etc, you’d be a fool to not pursue a relationship based soley on their age. Why not discern and pray about it, and see if it is meant to be.
In the end, I married someone who was less than 6 months older than me. I wouldn’t have picked it. I was convinced i was meant to be with an older man.
I think that any relationship you need to keep secret is a bad one, whether its for an age difference or any other reason. Still trying to convince my friend of that, who thinks if she makes public her relationships to early, that she is jinxing them. But by the time, she lets her friends know, she’s too emotionally invested to hear any rational opinion.
Mary, I really like your comments here, especially about keeping relationships secret. There’s a major difference between making our relationships public and making them communal, and I think that’s what you seem to be touching on and trying to encourage your friend in.
I understand where your friend is coming from in not wanting to tell everyone and then having to deal with the breakup over and over as it gradually comes up with everyone, and that’s wise. Perhaps she is a more private person in general, and that’s okay too. But your advice to entrust those who are trustworthy with her relationships in order to help keep her grounded rather than swept up in emotional attachment is so crucial. She doesn’t have to tell the world. Just one person is a good place to start; one person she can trust to be honest and loving.
I know there may be more involved in that particular situation, but I appreciate that you brought the issue of our need for community in our romantic lives to the foreground of this discussion and couldn’t help but to comment on it. 🙂
Val thinks...
Hey! I’ve run into this issue a few times with friends too. 90% of the time, I feel like the age difference isn’t a seriously prohibitive issue if you’re both over 18. **but**
I know of one incident where there was an 18 year gap involved. When the man is old enough to be your father, maybe you’re looking for a dad more than a companion. Just ‘sayin.
You really do have a geriatric-lovin’ heart! ha!
-V
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