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Can you be sexual without having sex? I mean, as a single twentysomething Christian, how can one abstain from sex but still not completely shut down their sexuality? Any thoughts? Thanks!
Yes! We are sexual beings through and through. Our sexuality must be more than just sex, but it will look different for everyone. Abstaining should not mean denying how we were created. Once we can separate our sexuality from just sex, I think we are free to discuss this in our close communities with people who know us. I believe our sexuality is different than just the act. And I believe the act is meant to be done in relationship. From those premises alone, there is a lot that can be discussed and defined around each individual.
I love talking about it – especially with my friends! I encourage you to do so as well. Check out Part 4 and Part 5 of the Formal Lunch series I did with a few friends of mine. We discuss this and more. Plus, the comments section is rich with additional insight from readers! For example, I loved what commenter Val had to say after Part 5:
“I wonder how much pursuing creativity might be linked, somehow, to an outlet for our sexuality (okay, this is such a stretch, and maybe some people won’t follow at all). The thing is, the sexual impulses we have are, I think, partially linked to our inherent desire to pro-create. As long as we aren’t bearing children physically, maybe there’s something to meeting that desire by bearing fruit artistically…”
Sexuality and Holy Longing by Lisa Graham McMinn
Real Sex by Lauren F. Winner
And I haven’t read the whole thing, but many people like A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit which describes how our view of sexuality has shifted and what we have lost.
Tim Keller podcast: “Sexuality and Christian Hope“
Series on Sex from Ecclesia Hollywod: “Skin Part 1”
I believe that by unpacking what a healthy view of sexuality looks like, we become free to embrace and be confident in the fact that we were designed this way by God and it is a GOOD thing.
From my heart,
Joy
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
this has nothing to do with sexuality, but I thought of you when I saw this 🙂 http://www.etsy.com/listing/69764017/dear-noah-letterpress-card
This is a great paragraph from an article I just read on how our sexuality and the question of chastity should not be done alone. It portrays how we engage topics that are seemingly for one demographic and take them on communally. We look at the BIG picture and not the legalistic details.
‘Call me an optimist, but if everyone in the congregation understood that they shared the same calling as the unmarried 24-year-old in their midst, maybe the aforementioned guidance might be forthcoming. And hopefully that guidance would transcend “what can I get away with and still be a virgin?” Instead, we would ask, “What must I do to become what I was intended to be?”‘
Thanks Joy. I love these thoughts–particularly Val’s comment about the arts creativity as being procreative and so part of being sexual. Awesome (& totally new thought for me!) Also, great resources here. I’ve read Real Sex, but none of the others!
A good friend and I have been wrestling with this question for a couple months (it was my question by the way; thanks for answering!)…for me the problem has always come in the nitty gritty practical “What the heck does/could this look like?”
I’ve heard a lot of people say you can be sexual without having sex (particularly a lot of married men, for some reason), but I’ve been stumped by the idea of what in the world that means (beyond the nice semantics of it.)
Great food for thought here. thanks!
Erin thinks...
Chest butt for the good resources on this post. I’m involved in a discussion/book group on Lauren Winner’s Real Sex, and among other things, like getting to put Real Sex as the subject line for many e-mails, books like these are great to discuss and wonder about. Questions like, HOW DOES GOD WANT ME TO USE THIS GORGEOUS BODY IN A CHASTE WAY? Well done, Joy.
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