Watch the intro to find out what this is all about: RSOTU Intro (1 of 15)
Was I too harsh? What would you have told her?
Men: If a woman is nice to you but has an attitude towards other people, how do you perceive her?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
No Joy you were not too harsh! You are on point. More facts would be helpful to really nail down the heart of the issue.
The girl admits she is out of line right off the bat with “I know this is wrong…”. I suggest exploring the fear of how this “keeper of a man” would change or interfere with the “girl friend” pact they have always had. The friend is moving onto more a mature relationship as a woman with a good man and this will impact their friendship. Her time, energy, choice of activities and the focus will all shift , can the hate-filled friend deal with this? Is she feeling: jealous? envious? frustrated because she can’t influence her decision? Why does she want to sabotage the goodness her friend is enjoying with hate and rudeness? Is she concerned he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
However, let’s get a good working definition of a friend. Stormie Omartian offers a guideline for discerning a desirable friend in “The Power of a Praying Woman” pg144-146. A desirable friend will
1) tell the truth in love (Prov. 27:6)
2)give you sound advice (Prov.27:9)
3) refine you (Prov 27:17)
4)help you to grow in wisdom (Prov. 3:20) 5)stay close to you (Prov. 18:24)
6) love you and stand by you (Prov.17:17)
7)help in time of trouble (Eccl. 4:9-10).
She also gives 7 signs of an undesirable friend:
1)immoral and has no regard for others
(1 Cor. 5:11)
2)Changeable and unstable (Prov.24:21-22)
3)frequently angry (Prov. 22:24-25)
4)gives ungodly counsel (Ps. 1:1)
5) is a lawless unbeliever (2Cor 6:14-15)
6) is a fool ((prov. 13:20)
7)irreverent toward God (Ps. 119:63)
I would finish with asking her if she is a desirable friend?
Caitlin – You are on the right track. When we aren’t aware, there is nothing we can do to change. You won’t be perfect, but what God wants is a heart that desires to obey and believe that his instructions are to help us!
Lisa – You are quite the resource. Thank you!
not too harsh. Good rebuke!
As man I answer: she really treats other people that way when she doesn’t want something from them, soon she will not want something from me…so she’ll treat me that way. ALARM ALARM!
NICE.LY.DONE.
Pk – I love hearing that mentality from the guys perspective. Thank you!
Alece – If I ever have a daughter with this kind of attitude, I expect you to lovingly kick her in the pants for me. I will do the same for your kids. “It takes a village.”
“it takes a village to kick a bad attitude.”
A man of God I know once shared that if we have a problem/issue with someone else, usually it’s not them who has the problem/issue, but us.
When our attitude becomes sour towards others we must ask the Lord questions on why we feel that way and ask Him to help us discern what the real issue is. Questions like, “Why do I feel this way around/towards this person?”
“Did they offend me?” “Hurt me?” Perhaps even, “What are You trying to teach me?”
A lot of times, people just find it easier to blame others for their so called wrongs. It’s been happening since the fall of man (Gen 3:11-13)
I encourage anyone who struggles with this kind of attitude: carry an attitude of righteousness and humility. And how about regarding others better than yourself?
My hope is that it will be dealt with sooner than later.
Love your vlogs Joy. Be blessed sista. <3
There was a time that my sister hated someone I was dating. It was really difficult. I was always trying to work out if something had happened that i didn’t know about but she never communicated any real reason, but would have nothing to do with him.
Then she ended up in a relationship with someone who created conflict with me. Although I never hated that person. It was more that person didn’t like me based on a few superficial judgements based on where i worked and who i vote for. And then my sister realised what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t get along with your sister, let alone having your sister hate that person. And she apologised for the way that she treated us.
HEaring what that woman wrote in her letter reminded me of how my sister used to feel. I wonder how she would feel if her friends were disrespecting the person she was in a relationship with. I don’t think you were too harsh and if it was 5 years ago, i would have probably forwarded this to my sister.
Dooood, you were so NOT harsh, Joy. You were spot on.
Seriously, what about him could elicit her hatred? I mean, I could see, “Yeah, he’s just ‘meh’ to me. I’m not sure why she’s over the moon for him, but I don’t get it. I need to work on how to be not merely nice but actually cordial to him… to see him more through her eyes. Heck, even through ‘gospel lenses.'” But this gal? Yep, she needed to hear what you said, Joy. I hope she heard it and heeded it.
Caitlin thinks...
Respect is so easy to demand but so hard to give. Let’s just say this is something that God has been working on my heart about. Eeek.
I think about the woman in Proverbs who speaks kindness…that’s a quality I desire but find it so hard to enact.
| at |