I don’t think it’s fair that my boyfriend at college might go home some weekends to see his family, when I can’t see mine because they live too far away. I don’t want him going home without me. What should I do?
If I were talking with your boyfriend, I wouldn’t tell him to break up with you…yet.
Question
Okay, so it’s easy to laugh at this question, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all had moments of responding with pouting and drama. What can we do in the situations that just don’t feel fair?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Mandie – wow. This is powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this story. And the coolest part about you stopping and praying and thinking this through is that you gained perspective. Such wisdom my friend! What I see on the outside is a man who IS a servant and should he turn into your man-slave, I mean husband, you will know that he will most likely care for and serve you as a strong Christian man should. This particular weekend, his loyalty is to his pops and that is pretty rad. I might be wrong, but from what I can tell – you seem to have a solid stud, I mean gentleman on your hands.
Thanks, Joy. He is indeed a pretty solid dude!
Fruit Loops crazy.
best. line. ever.
I agree!
My brothers ex girlfriend didn’t want him to do anything without her being there with him. This video reminds me a lot of her. I mean its ok for two people do do things “not together.” And I agree with the comment above. Its about serving each other and not seeking yourself, which I am also learning quite a lot about.
Erin – Maybe you could send it to your brothers ex anonymously? haha. Jk. I think like Mandie, we have all done something like this at some point in our life. I know I have, so that’s why I wanted to address it and make light of how easily we can think irrationally when our feelings are involved and we can no longer see clearly!
This is one of my favorite quotes, and somewhat ironically, it is from Bill Gates. It goes like this, “Life isn’t fair, get used to it.” It sounds harsh but I found it to be true. And the quicker one is to accept this, the easier life will be.
Tabitha – Oh Bill. Love it. It’s true though that we live in a broken world and that is hard to get used to when I think we were all made to long for something perfect. (Am I making this too theological? Ha) Basically, I love your quote from Mr. Gates. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate your ability to tell it like it is, my friend. Sometimes, our selfishness is glaringly obvious, and our siblings in Christ can make that clear to us.
It sounds like this girl stayed at school during the summer in part because her boyfriend did. I wonder if there are some deeper issues of feeling secure in the relationship going on…
Val – Good point about her feeling secure. I think insecurity rears it’s ugly head in most of our romantic relationships. My sense was from the entire question asked (I had to cut some stuff), that this was written in a moment of frustration and not logic. I wanted to address that. Her boyfriend’s comment of “might go home” on “some” weekends if she’s already working was a clue that he “might” already be living in fear of her demanding the relationship to cater more to her needs than it being a mutual relationship. That was my gut so that was the angle I took….but on the topic of feeling secure in a relationship, I think you are right to point that out because I think THAT is the very thing that can make us act irrational.
Tell Walter I don’t appreciate him not driving a hybrid. Sinner.
He usually drives a segway, but this worked better for the shoot.
Mandie thinks...
Tiny crazy confession:
Myself and my man (I have never know what to call him…boyfriend? manfriend? glorified bodyguard? I don’t know) are doing the long distance thing for the summer. He said he “might” drive the eight hours to see me one weekend. I was excited. As it turned out, his coming to visit would have left his dad home alone. He didn’t want to leave his dad alone and thought it would be fun to have a manly weekend. Totally understandable.
Except I pouted. Because I was home alone, too, and didn’t he want to make sure I wasn’t home alone? And didn’t he consider our relationship important? And didn’t he want to amuse me so I wouldn’t have to amuse myself? For the most part, I kept my mouth shut and boy toy (um, probably not an option) didn’t fully grasp the extent of my crazy.
I’m embarrassed to admit that.
I was doing some reading and praying and got a nice slap upside the head that night. Being in relationship is about serving one another, not being served. It’s modeled after Christ’s love for us. It calls for sacrifice of your own selfish desires. I was looking to be served in my oh so self centered way. I completely lost sight of the fact that while he definitely wanted to come visit, it just wasn’t going to happen that weekend. As soon as I lost sight of the purpose of our relationship (to serve one another, but ultimately to serve God together as a partnership) I went all fruit loops crazy. I was seeking to be served. It’s not about my righteous attitude and what will make me happy.
I did some more reading and eventually talked this over with lover boy (also weird?) once I had calmed down and got some perspective. I confessed and apologized that I was seeking to be served and that’s not why I am in this thing. We had a wonderful discussion about humility and being fruit loops crazy. Communication is a wonderful thing.
So while it’s embarrassing to say I relate to Miss Crazy in the video, I do. It’s not about you, lady. It’s not about him either, really.
| at |