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Today you can read my “love story” in a guest post I did for my friend, Diane.
Diane is the Director of Women’s Ministry for a local church here in Portland. She is also, among other things, a pastor’s wife, mother and beautiful writer. My mother and I solidified a bond of friendship with Diane and her daughter Elizabeth when we spoke at their church’s women’s retreat a couple summers ago. It was an honor, a blast and a lot of estrogen. My friend – who was one of the few males – doing sound for the event said,
“You just go into those things knowing you are going to hear a lot of things you wish you never heard.”
Women get crazy when we are alone. Trust me.
So men, if you visit her site, I can’t promise it won’t leave you feeling estrogenized.
Male or female, make sure you don’t miss reading Diane’s incredible story and the obstacles she faces on a daily basis, but first let’s kick things off with the obstacle that is my love story so far.
Spoiler alert: this love story doesn’t end like the movies! Roger Ebert has vowed never to watch it again.
On that note…
I almost got married.
I had said yes. My love story was written—or so it seemed.
When the final chapter of “us” came far more quickly than I had imagined, I went to a place of waiting and have remained ever since.
One might immediately think that I have been waiting for a husband this whole time. Sadly, that is not the case. After “we” ended, I couldn’t fathom becoming an “us” with anyone else. The idea repulsed me. And I knew it could never be the “we” of before.
My waiting is on the transformation of my heart…
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Hi Joy!
I really appreciated what you shared! I was really feeling confused and wondering, and just all-around down in regards to my love life (or lack there of lol). But it was just encouraginf reading your story, it seriously was 🙂 And then I read some more posts on your friend’s blog, which were also very encouraging. I really appreciate how you approach the topic of relationships and God. Offering advice and words of encouragement and truth, without making one feel like they’re not doing something right. Anyhow, long-time reader, first time commenter 🙂 Cheers! Keep it up!
I was really hoping I had found your soulmate when I saw that unicorn sticker on a car…but alas, it was yours 😉 I’ll keep trying…
on a more serious note, I love that you are so open and your story, pain and struggles…keep it up, it’s very encouraging! It’s definitely encouraging for me 🙂
Joy,
I feel like “Waiting with a purpose” all boils down to one of your last lines.
“So my desire is that my suffering or questions will not become an idol or obsession that keeps me from waiting well.”
To put it simply, the goal is to basically “get over it.” Tell myself anything in order to lose these feelings of fear and perhaps anger (even to light degrees). The most important part of this is that you went to God with your anguish. Honestly, there is nothing better for anyone to ever do… with anything!
However, I feel like an important part of waiting is growing, rather than just eluding angst. From what I gathered from your post (rather than your experience), I think it would be safe to say that some people might easily interpret “waiting with a purpose” as blind faith. Blind faith in itself is terribly volatile and has the potential to be the greatest kind of faith or the weakest. But that’s a conversation for another time.
I guess if I had one suggestion it would be to help your readers complete the circle. Get them to not only understand, but to grow! Its one the biggest pet peeves I have with Christian authors today (and the reason I’m trying to put something together myself). As leaders we can’t just toss out “angles.” Its important, like anything else in life, to create a complete value. I was so happy when reading through your Singleness column just a few moments ago because we share the same outlook on the most effective way people learn (basic self-realization). It think its great that you offer questions for people to consider themselves. Very powerful, indeed.
I would however, encourage you to place that weight on growth. If people don’t know they need to be growing, they will just be changing their mindset, or perhaps putting a bandaid on severed limbs. When Jesus says, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” do you think he means “do this” “alone”? I don’t know. That’s something each of us needs to explore. I would venture to say that he can do this if YOU WANT HIM TO. How can he tell if we want him to? I don’t think us saying, “I know you will do it because you can and its what I want” is sufficient. He’s wants to see us grow into it. Ask the right questions, hear the right answers, choose the good choices. Yes, I trust that God has a plan. Yes, I trust that life’s a rollercoaster. Yes, I understand that bad things happen so that I grow in You. Yes, I’m going to reflect and when I’m done I’m going to have a renewed value in my heart. God and I are going to take on the world through 1, B, iii. Lets change our perspective but give action! to our purpose as well!
On a more personal note, I love that you made your list at the end of your story. I feel like lists totally keep us accountable. Its that tangible reminder that says, here is what I value going forward. On that note, your new list seems a bit fun and silly! Not good or bad, of course, as you are you and you choose to interpret as you please. I would be curious to ask: What your list looked like previously? And why you chose to submit the list you did for your audience?
Also, forgive me for the use of ALL CAPS, as I’m unable to italicize via this channel of communication.
Always my very best,
Joe
Post Script – I can tell that your heart is not only large, but also very capable and I encourage you to continue growing with your audience! I know that sometimes, even in my own exploits, its easy to lose momentum in personal growth when you’re helping others navigate their own growth.
Post Script Script – Feel free to delete this or paste it into your own records. If you’d like to continue dialogue about, well… anything, feel free to shoot something my way. 😀
I may know your Future “us”
PRINT AND KEEP WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.
– Believer in unicorns
==> This will be a hurdle, but his Ma races horses and I am sure he will do all he can to find a ‘Alicorn’ and a way to affix it to one of the horses just to make your day.
– Beard
==> How about a GoTee
– Slightly dirty looking (you know, the “I shower once a week” look)
==> With his Ma racing horses, this is an easy one!
– Taller than I am
==> What’s your Height again?
– Passionate about something (God is a given)
==> Yes God is a given. His calling is to disciple the future disciples and godly men who will lead in the church for generations to come.
– The ability to give me piggyback rides
==> Loves them!
– Willing to promise daily foot rubs in our wedding vows
==> Little concerned about this one; if you are gone for a week teaching somewhere, are these accumulative where you will have seven or so stored up if he can’t travel with you some time?
– Orphan (so we can spend every Christmas in the Michigan snow with my parents)
==> He is not an orphan; he lives in southern California, but 95% of his family lives in Harrison, MI and he would love to visit over the holidays.
Those are just a few things to get you started on your hunt for my new “us” or “we.”
==> Great list to get started with!
Eliza thinks...
Joy, thank you so much for sharing your story. Through your words I find encouragement and comfort– what a gift!
Though my recent(ish) break up was nothing near as serious as an engagement break, it still nonetheless left me questioning if I was ever going to be able to return to that state of happiness again, to ever become a “we” again. While the break up didn’t make any sense to my feeble little mind, all I knew to do was to trust in God and his purpose for me. “This is when I have to stop and cling to truth. And remember I believe in a God who transforms and redeems.” I love that. He has already and will continue to redeem all, especially our hearts and our stories. It’s so true, and if nothing else, you can always trust in that and fall back on a foundation of belief in a God who has provided for his children since, uh forever. (Woah, was that a prepositional phrase overload, or what?)
So, in this singleness I can wait and trust in his provision for me. I can say, that God has graciously revealed to me some reasons why that previous relationship would not have worked. In my obedience to trust him and his will for my life, he allowed me to see a little bit of his reasons and his plan for me–what a blessing!
Anyway, thank you for sharing. I definitely take comfort hearing other’s stories, especially ones that I can relate too.
PS. I totally support you in the beard and height requirements. At 5’10” I personally believe the perfect man-height for myself is 6’4″. Also note: telling a man who is 6’4″ that he is your perfect boyfriend height right when you meet him does not make him want to pursue you as much as one would think.
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