If you are reading this on Valentine’s Day morning, then my guess is you are probably at work and avoiding the actual work that…
AAAHHHHHHH! Your boss is standing right behind you! And you are reading something about making love!
OK, so that was awkward.
So now it’s noon, and you were so impressed with my psychic skills from earlier this morning that you are now in your car eating a PB&J (or Hot Pocket since you sometimes get crazy on holidays) and reading my post on your iPhone.
Wait, what? Not everyone has an iPhone?
OK, so my psychic skills can’t be right all the time. I hope I at least got the eating in your car at noon part right.
But can we talk about me now? Thanks.
If you were wondering about my whereabouts, there are most likely three possibilities because I just landed this morning after a week in Hong Kong. If my time-zone calculations are correct, I get two Valentine’s Days for the price of one. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a literal “love is in the air” with seat 16C. But if that hasn’t happened, you might find me…
1. In bed. I probably don’t remember much of exiting the plane or the car ride home, but now I am all set with eye mask, space heater, and my beach-bed. (Midwinter tip: Purchase a small space heater and set it on your nightstand. Point it at your face and pretend you are on a warm beach. Nine out of ten doctors say it works better than Ambien.*)
Or:
2. I’m still in Hong Kong because they decided to keep me. Please inform my parents. And the authorities.
Or:
3. I’m wandering the streets of Portland in a jet-lagged stupor, trying to give relationship advice to hipsters while they eat from the food carts on SE 12th and Hawthorne. (In between love chats, I might also be overheard saying, “I bet I could ride that unicycle… this time.”)
So whether your Valentine’s Day is 24 hours or 36 hours, I thought it important to note that many of us don’t enjoy this day.
Many of us actually love to hate this day. And I get it. All this love in our faces, flowers galore, chocolate flowing forth, cards that say nice things, etc., etc.
Wait. I just reread that last sentence. Why do we love to hate this day?
The reality is, many of us feel forgotten, foolish, and frustrated.**
Expectations too high.
Expectations not met.
Love not reciprocated.
Reminders of love long gone.***
Whatever you deal with today, here is my challenge:
Whaaaaaa?! Joy, I’m telling your parents.
Look, if this day brings you disappointment, loneliness, or pain, don’t approach it with dread or disdain.** There are plenty of other days for stuff like that. (For instance, Canada’s Boxing Day.) Today, choose to remember that there are other people out there who are lonely, hurting, and desperate to feel like someone cares about them.
Make love a reality for them.
It seems almost impossible to give or create feelings of love when we feel starved of it ourselves. But I’ve shared multiple times that one of the most transformative times in my life was when I was on the brink of serious depression and my father challenged me to serve and give in the midst of my feeling unable to give anything.
Through some pretty tough seasons, I now believe God can work with our willingness, even in the midst of our brokenness.
So today I’m going to ask God how I can make love a reality for someone. I pray that He opens my eyes, and I pray that you will trust Him to open yours, too.
Literally. He’s going to have to open my eyes. Otherwise I’m gonna be passed out in this beach-bed all day.
From my heart,
Joy
*Maybe
**Alliteration station
***Try to say those last three words five times fast.
What are some tangible ways you can give love away today?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
@Ros, Thank you!
YES! I think we hate on Valentines Day because we see what we want, and rather than say, “today is hard because it reminds me of this desire that lives, unrealized, deep inside me,” we say, “I HATE Valentines Day, it’s just so commercial/obnoxious/dumb!” I think a little honesty goes a long way, and makes today a lot easier to handle as we watch couples hold hands and make googley eyes at each other. I think the honesty even makes it easier to be thankful that all this love exists, even if, right now, it’s not manifesting itself in our own lives as we would like.
@haleykc, Good thoughts…as usual. Love you lady.
This is the best ‘Black Tuesday’ ever! I heard Valentines Day referred to as Black in 2004 from a Christian comedian (Kerri Pomarolli*) when we had a Singles Comedy Date Night for Valentines Day. It has carried that name from my single days through my marriage and now into my post marriage days as a joke.
The reason I am calling this the Best Black Tuesday ever is because I am actually lonely this year. In the past it was never that big of a deal to me; pre-marriage it was just another day as it is with most guys, mid-marriage it was a great day that took a ton of preparation but was always appreciated by my wife at the time and now two years post-marriage it is actually a lonely day for me. I have not yet decided if it is it lonely because I have no-one to try and spoil me or because I have no-one to spoil or both; I an leaning towards the ‘both.’
In all this I am so stoked God has not only softened my heart for others after my divorce, I was planning on trying to ‘Make Love Today’ for a couple great friends of mine; I am hoping a little phone call will brighten their day just a bit to let them know they are appreciated and loved.
This is a great idea Joy, thank you for sharing and validating my idea of this day also, I was worried it may be one of those ‘That just made our friendship awkward’ thoughts, hopefully not!
* No I didn’t remember her name from eight years ago, I googled ‘Female Christian Comedian’ and recognized her eyes. Couldn’t forget those eyes!
@Arlo, Selfless Plug for a great message taught this weekend at at Calvary Oceanside:
@Arlo, “Black Tuesday” — haha!
Should I be scared that I completely followed along with the craziness at the beginning of the post? Oh, and I loved the * points.
I appreciate your sense of humour.
(er…That’s all I was going to say but then I realized you asked a question…and I don’t want to seem rude by ignoring it.
Tangible ways to give love away today for me will start with re-focussing to make this day about others and not me (and my desires). I have a supportive family and many great friends whom I should send even a brief text to reminding them how much I appreciate and love them. ‘<' + '3' can go a long way today.
@Shalon, I’m always cool with just a compliment…(-:
But your added thoughts are good! Glad the question got you thinking. Thanks.
Wise words, Joy.
I definitely used to be one of those people who hated Valentine’s Day. I always thought it was kind of an obnoxious, inconsiderate day.
But over the past few years, my attitude has kind of changed. Rather than mourn what I don’t have, I’m finding a reason to become excited about all that life still has in store for me. So I haven’t met the woman of my dreams… sure, that sucks, but it means its still coming. And in the meantime I can also be happy for those who have.
As I’ve begun taking my eyes off of myself, it’s freed me up to start trying to be kind towards others around me.
@Jason, “Rather than mourn what I don’t have…”
This transition in thinking will revolutionize how you approach all of life. If we can do this, we will live a life of purpose and contentment in the midst of difficult seasons.
I’m single and that’s okay 🙂 🙂 i used to hate Valentine’s DAy…hate it. Not anymore. I’m taking this holiday back. Today I bought my dad some of his favorite bacon. He LOVES bacon…so that’s a practical little gift for him today 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂 Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 🙂
@Heather 🙂 🙂 :), Love and hugs to you! Way to give love lady!
Ahhh, to be loved. This day dedicated to the passionate pursuit of romance for centuries. Whether a celebration of fertility, of the defiance of a king in the name of love or simply the beginning period of avian mating rituals, Valentine’s Day holds a special place in the hearts of all those in the throes of and seeking love’s kiss (even if it takes the form of a bitter arrow to the heart at times).
I have often considered this day to be superfluous and commericalized to the point of nausea and justified rejection of its ideals. Everyday should be a day to express the love in your heart to the one’s you care for right?
I have slowly come to realize that it’s not all about that. I have come to adopt the belief that this day is set apart for a purpose that rises above a box of chocolates and jar full of roses. It has become the symbol in my life of the love God has for me. This perfect, unending, yes limitless love that no noun on Earth can compete with. There is no person, place thing or idea that has the capacity to love or be loved as perfectly as He.
In my walk to find a true mate for this life, I have to carry the belief that there is only one way to assure the love I have to offer is true. To hold fast to the truth that whether I’m married, dating or single, God’s perfect love is sufficient and anything beyond that is gravy.
When my heart is aligned with His will in my life, even on the days when I feel like curling up in a ball in bed and weeping from loneliness, I know I will thrive.
I believe God is preparing my heart for the right woman and when it’s ready and hers is ready for my love, we will be together.
Have a blessed and joyful day and may all the needs of your precious heart be fulfilled in a loving and abundant fashion.
MTB
@Matthew B., Thank you for sharing and your kind words!
Great post. Thanks for sharing. This is the first VD that I am perfectly content being single but yet feeling totally loved by Jesus. He certainly meets all of our needs if we stay close to Him.
@Jillian, So happy to hear this.
You are so wise! I love this post. Keep on keeping on!
Ros thinks...
Thanks for a lovely post Joy. I think your point about expectations being unmet causing frustration is a good one. And I like your remedy that we pray God opens our eyes to who we can show love to.
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