I often hear people ask why so many men still play video games?
Let me tell you why people play video games.
They’re fun.
Maybe it’s not video games, but do you have somewhere you go to find a win?
Do you have something you do to “unwind” that’s shifting into a wound-hiding-habit?
How can we know when an activity is actually a distraction for dealing with our broken reality?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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@Jon Griffith, Thanks Jon! I really do hope to hear back from the guys on this because it’s often a bit more intimidating to say how a guy operates since…well, in case some hadn’t noticed, I’m a woman. Appreciate your words!
I have a second job and I disciple a couple younger men, those are my ‘WINs.’ Second job to get rid of my mortgage ASAP (long distance Big Win). Discipling Younger Men teaching them to share the Love of Christ with others, and to be Mature Men in Christ (Long Distance win). I do start a timer and dedicate no more than 10 minutes to Angry Birds on FB each night before bed; I find it helps me to sleep better.
I used to have a problem with video games and TV as I would use the “unwind” excuse; but they totally turned into addictions so I have no video games, cable TV or Netflix because I know these are stumbling blocks for me. When I get married –it will happen someday– I will re-evaluate Netflix as I am sure it will give time for my spouse and me to relax together; I will warn her ahead of time though so we can keep our eye on me getting addicted again.
“Broken Reality” is a tough one. From a man’s perspective, I have seen men “Lose Hope” and fall into the “Practice the Goat” story.* After they lose hope because of a job loss, breakup, bad decision or the worst of all divorce; many men look to something that will help them forget about their problems so they don’t have to face them. This is in no way acceptable behavior for a grown man, but they must be approached in a respectful manner. I have in the past few years been blessed with the opportunity to help some men find hope in the lives they have and that is more of a blessing than I can really communicate.
My 2 cent tangent; women tend to cry through situations and talk to their lady friends about whatever the situation is they are being hurt from, I think this is awesome to see women supporting other women. Men typically get angry and turn inward on themselves; after a couple of these self-inflicting situations they lose hope and sort-of become a zombie, just going through life. This is a hard area for a Man; it is an area where he needs more men in his life for encouragement and discipleship, however, if he has a female friend, he may attempt to fill this need with “just having her around.” This is where women get hurt because he is caring/loving/attached, but he does not realize it is not what he needs. Be careful out there ladies, we don’t mean to hurt you, but without older godly men involved in our lives, we may not realize we are trying to fill a need in an inappropriate way.
* Practice the Goat Story. Taken from FPU and DR tells it much better than I can type it.
There was this little girl who wanted to be a goat roper. Her parents bought her a horse and a goat so she could practice her goat roping skills, they even named the goat “Practice.” They would release the goat from the shoot, the girl would lasso it, hope off the horse and run to the goat as it ran out of line. When the line ran out, the rope would pull the little goat off its feet, the girl would jump on it, tie its feet and put her arms out for time. They did this 15-20 times a day all summer and wore the grass in the spot where the goat would run out of rope. This started to register with Practice and he started to stop right before the “dirt spot,” eventually he would run to the spot and just lie down. They told the girl, if she could teach Practice to tie his own feet, she could will all her events. Practice lost hope and would go so far, then just lie down.
@Aron, this helped me IMMENSELY. I am one of those girls that is “just around,” and I needed to see that so carfully and thoughtfully articulated. Thank you.
@Lilia, My pleasure Lilia!
I like Mario Cart. Me an my brother were so competitive at that game to where we broke the only controller we had. haha.
I could get addicted to video games fairly easily. You’re right. It’s an escape. Now I just have a Wii and the only games I keep are some for my nieces and nephews and fitness. That way I won’t play the little kids games or I’ll get in shape.
Are you wearing a sweatshirt with a unicorn on it?
Tetris. I will level ANY persons ego with that. =)
I have no idea what this video is about because all I saw was a bubblegum pink sweatshirt with a unicorn on it.
OH yeah, and whose dog is that? He looks like a giant polar bear.
Good video! It made me think of this quote from The Glass Menagerie:
“Yes, movies! Look at them–all those glamorous people—having adventures–hogging it all, gobbling the whole thing up! You know what happens? People go to the movies instead of moving! Hollywood characters are supposed to have all the adventures for everybody in America, while everybody in America sits in a dark room and watches them have them! Yes, until there’s a war. That’s when adventure becomes available to the masses! Everyone’s dish, not only Gable’s! Then the people in the dark room come out of the dark room to have some adventures themselves–goody, goody! It’s our turn now, to go to the south Sea Island–to make a safari–to be exotic, far-off! But I’m not patient. I don’t want to wait till then. I’m tired of the movies and I am about to move!”
Nice post!
I read a book called “Reality is Broken” which makes a great explanation for the appeal of games (and why so many people are addicted to the escapism of games.)
Basically, games always provide a compelling incentive (to win). The incentive is always within reach (with enough persistence to master the game), and failure is always able a result of user error, not outside forces, so players always know that they CAN succeed, given enough effort. Real life often does not provide these three factors in such an obvious way. Sometimes, there is no real incentive to succeed. Or we try hard, but other factors lead to our failure. So people turn to games, because they represent the world as it should be. 🙂
I definitely needed this post today! I’ve been on both sides of this. My last relationship failed due in part to their obsession with video games.
I never saw it from the perspective that they are using video games as a means of a “win” or accomplishment, but what you said really hits home and puts my current situation in perspective and in better light.
I’ve never had a really positive outlook on video games. I always felt they were a replacement to me or they offered more than I could in a relationship. I’m beginning to understand that it may be the other way around. The guy feels he doesn’t have much to offer or feels like he has ultimately failed, so he turns to video games where he has control over his life, even virtually.
Thank YOU, thank YOU for this!!
You’re funny!!! Seriously enjoyed this video as my husband is a “gamer” always “poning noobs” and I think sometimes I’m too hard on him. You make a good point about respect and also that if the behavior isn’t unhealthy (he works hard, hangs out with friend, connects with me and our son) I should maybe back off a little and not look down on him for it. Thanks Joy! ps. love the way your dog is trying to figure out what the heck you’re doing at the end there…so cute.
Jon Griffith thinks...
Nailed it…
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