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I have an Ask Joy question for you. Can you do a blog post about guys that actually step up and clearly ask girls out (via the phone), pick them up, open the car door, pay for everything, drop them off, walk them to the door, call a few days later to go on a second date….and then the girls tell their friends they aren’t sure if it was a date or not? We have a spreading disease in my city.
Well, my friend, all of that sounds good and well, but when you bring your mom with you, it can leave your date a little confused. Leave Nancy at home. For now.
But seriously, it is always interesting to me to see how easily we misunderstand each other’s intentions. Rarely is either party trying to be unclear, but misunderstandings occur because we all communicate differently. To me, what you have described seems perfectly clear as a date; but like you said, there seems to be a “spreading disease” of misinterpretation where you live. Either something is in the water or people have different expectations of what a date is.
The sometimes “bold Joy” in me would ask the confused parties for clarification.
And, I’m just spitballin’ here, but a sure-fire way to prevent confusion would be to say, ‘Hey, I’d love to take you out on a date.‘ If she was still confused as to whether it was a date or not, I would recommend asking out a woman with a higher IQ.
Or, maybe she said she didn’t think it was a date because she wasn’t wanting it to be a date…and was playing dumb.
You could also go to one of your trusted female friends who knows the bewildered female(s) and ask, “Could you help me understand where I might not have been clear?”
If we don’t start seeking clarification and understanding our own expectations, we will end up labeling each other. “Guys are Jerks” or “Women are Crazy”—and labeling rarely gets us anywhere.
Trust me, I know.
I want to hear from everybody else that has either been on the side of, “not sure this was a date” or Jared’s side of, “I have no clue how I could have been more clear.”
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.