Hi Joy,
I’ve recently gotten married. I love being married, but now my single friends are leaving me out. My best friend, for example, no longer calls when she goes camping or to a concert.
I know I can’t go out as much as my “free-wheeling” single friends, as I’m balancing school and my husband, but I don’t want to feel like there’s this divide growing between us.
What do I do with these emotions? How do I create a balance and transition into this new season of married life?
As we talk about in the video, communication is key in a friendship where one person is married and the other is a “free-wheeling” single. It’s so important to tell each other what you need, and to remember that seasons and transitions come with gains and losses.
You both should be intentional, but you can only be responsible for your initiation with her.
Invite your single friends over to dinner with you and your new hubby. Make sure your friends know that, even if you can’t always attend, being invited to free-wheeling camping trips makes you feel included and loved.
Since everything’s better with my gal, Stephanie, we thought we’d answer this Ask Joy together.
Annnnd the Twitter #AskJoy question of “What do Unicorns Eat?” is your special bonus answer at the end. You’re welcome.
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How have you practiced intentional friendship throughout changing seasons?
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Oooh that’s a good point and I love that you were able to communicate that with her. Insightful and helpful addition.
Great post. My closest friend is getting married this Saturday and I can’t help but be nervous about what the future holds for our relationship. I agree that I want to be included in her marriage as Joy said but I also don’t want to invade her space. Thanks for this incredibly timely input!
Yea! So glad when that works out. Have fun at the wedding and celebrate what this new season will hold for both of you!
Yea! So glad when that worked out. Have fun at the wedding and celebrate what this new season will hold for both of you!
Good topic. One of the essentials in all relationships is really finding a balance in communicating our expectations. There’s quite a bit that can be gained from nurturing friendships with those in different seasons of life.
When I gave my life back to the Lord a few years ago, I had spent most of my twenties as a “professional bachelor” and had to completely re-learn how to do relationships correctly. Building and maintaining friendships with Christian married men, both my own age and older, has really helped me grow by giving me an example to help me examine my own life and figure out what I need to work on.
I love this topic. My married friends have been awesome about including me most of the time. But I agree with @reneamac in sometimes I just want to hang out with my girlfriends. What’s really great about it is that most of my friends’ husbands are great friends, too, and don’t mind spending an evening with just the guys, as well. I think it’s important to feel included, but I also think it’s important for there to be a good balance. I want to be with my friends all the time, but I also know that they need to have some family time together that doesn’t include me in their space. And quite honestly, there are times I need time away to be by myself, too. Great topic!
Wait, you mean my married friends don’t always want me around? Oh no. (-: Thanks for sharing Julie!
I just tell my friends, I know you think I’m incredibly awesome and want to be around me all the time, but my staying away sometimes is the best thing for you. I know it’s not the easiest for you, but sometimes the easiest thing isn’t the best 😉
reneamac (@reneamac) thinks...
I love this. Open communication from all parties is a must as we work our way through various transitions. “Keep inviting me” is something I have to say too, being single but married to the university for this season in my life.
I was also reminded of a time when I had to communicate to my married friends how much I appreciate getting together with them and their husbands, but that too much of that was… too much–it was hard for me and when I was honest with them about that, they got it and were more sensitive and intentional about doing some things with husbands but more things just us girls. I certainly didn’t want to be un-included from their marriages; being invited into their marriages is, as you commented, Joy, really precious to me and an important part of my development as a person. So striking that balance was vital. But it never would have happened without intentionality and open communication.
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