Lately my siblings and I have really been feeling neglected and unloved by our parents. When we’ve asked other people whether or not to confront them about it, everyone has said, “No. You have to honor your parents.”
Can you confront your parents?
Dad’s becoming a real staple around these parts! I’ve loved having him here to discuss these questions and to travel the world with me (Did you see? Last week we were in Russia!)
And since this Ask Joy is about parents, I thought I’d let my parent offer some parental wisdom.
My parent’s ministry of Love and Respect teaches that you can say anything to anyone…as long as you say it with, well, love and respect.
Weird how that worked out.
But though maturely confronting your parents is an option, I encourage you to be cautious—they may not currently have a teachable spirit, and the conversation may not go how you envisioned, leading to more disappointment and resentment.
Instead, my dad talks about creating a positive environment using your attitude and actions to soften their spirit. While the hurt that you feel from your parents’ neglect is very real and valid, you can choose to be an instrument of influence in the relationship.
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Give an example of when you’ve confronted your parents—was it successful?
What are some practical ways we can show love for our parents in times of conflict?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Wow Alison! This is such an awesome application to the video even before you saw the video. So great to know you sought counsel and took that risk. Sounds like you are a wise woman and I’m sure your communication style had great impact on your father. Thanks for sharing!
Joy, my fiancee and I attended your parents Love and Respect conference this weekend, and can only say, “wow!”. What a powerful message it is! Here’s the thing, we are both in our fifties, it is my second marriage and her first, and we are STILL dealing with issues we have with our parents. We both lay plenty of blame on our parents for the failures of OUR relationships. And I think they probably blame themselves too! BUT, your Dad made the greatest point: We are responsible for our response. We cant move forward and heal if we just go on blaming the previous generation, call it the “blame chain”. If each generation just blames the previous, then it just goes all the way back to Adam and Eve, and who do they blame? Their Father? It is not very wise to blame God! It would help heal things by telling them “I wish you had told me these things”, but also keep in mind it is “water under the bridge”. The main thing is: Don’t neglect your own kids, their grandchildren. I am trying to impart some wisdom about relationships on my own kids, and it is a difficult sell, especially to the teens. But even if they don’t seem to be listening, something will get through, and when they find relationships falling apart on them and start wondering why, just maybe they will go back to that “Love and Respect” book I gave them and take a second look. That is where your ministry comes in! So keep it up!
Thanks for the encouragement John!
AlisonH thinks...
Just last week I confronted my my dad with some needs that I have in our relationship. I definitely prayed and sought wisdom from a trusted counselor. It was the hardest conversation we’ve ever had, but I think it was also the most honest conversation we’ve ever had. The one thing I aimed for was connecting with my him, and that took extreme vulnerability. It would have been easy to just tell him where he failed me and how he could fix it, but that would not have been successful. Instead I stretched beyond my walls and laid my heart before my father. He had no idea I needed anything more from him until I told him how I felt. I invited him into better relationship and he accepted. I’m 31 and my parents have been divorced most my life, and I still need my dad. Matthew 7: 7-11 and Philippians 4 helped me take the GIANT leap out onto this relational limb.
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