In case you’re just joining us, we’re in the last leg of the What I Know Now series.
As The Illumination Project (a 6-week study) was released this month, one of the main points I try to drive home is for all of us to seek wise counsel. So this series is another example of doing that—I ask my parents to share what they would tell themselves at different life stages. We’ve heard some great stories from when they were single and when they were newlyweds and now…
…when they became my parents. (AKA, the best years of their lives)
First up is Papa E, giving advice to all you dads out there who hope to form strong connections with your daughters.
His suggestion? Tell her that you love her, even when she’s an angsty teen who thinks the bedroom floor is her closet. (OTHER THAN THAT, I WAS THE PERFECT CHILD.)
Because my dad just published Love and Respect in the Family (and because I like you), if you join the discussion in the comment section below, you’ll be entered to win a free copy of the new book!
I’ll send it to you personally and might even forge my dad’s signature…
But watch the video first—I’m watching you.
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Parents, what additional advice can you give to dads raising girls?
Children, what advice can YOU give of what worked/didn’t work with your dads?
Leave a comment to win…
If your name gets drawn we will email you to get your address, social security, police record, and last known whereabouts…and then send you your free copy of Love and Respect in the Family. Woohoo!
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
I totally agree, my sisters and friends expressed themselves in ways that caused their dads to feel disrespected and so they pulled away when they really needed to do just the opposite. I hope that my husband and I can apply this knowledge in the lives of our two girls.
That is so interesting Dr Emerson and Joy. I don’t have any children but have two nephews and three nieces. Two of my nieces are 6 and 5. I see this in them. Their daddies are good to them. I try to give them loving attention as well. Thank you both for these thoughts and the video.
God bless. Grace and Peace.
I have to agree with your dad on reassurance. I think that is such a huge problem with a lot of young girls today, they aren’t getting the reassurance from their fathers and search for it elsewhere, which breaks my heart. Also something that I liked, being a former teenager obviously, was what your dad said about how sometimes we (teenagers) don’t think how we say things or what we say affect our parents in a negative way, when in reality they do. It’s that selflessness that during those years we either don’t know about or choose not to practice.
Oh, also forgot to mention…
I don’t know about anybody else, but I love the insight you provide in your videos, wouldn’t mind if they were a bit longer! Although I know you are trying to promote The Illumination Project.
I love this! I have such great anticipation for when God may bless me with a daughter, and I cannot WAIT to use this book as a resource. I have so much respect for your parents after meeting them at Liberty. I hope to be a fraction of the man and Father that Mr. Eggerich is, one day…And when you come back, I’ll be sure to have a Chicfila milkshake waiting for you this time when your flight gets delayed… 🙂
I’m thinking about forwarding this to my Dad. I need a hug! 😛 Enjoying these segments very much, Joy. Thank you!
The concept that children need love and parents need respect is really interesting. I wonder if that changes at all when children become adults. I guess I’ll have to read the book to find out.
That story your dad shared reminded me a little of something I would ask my dad to do. I slept on the top bunk so there was no way my dad could lay with me, but I would ask him to rub my cheek until I fell asleep.
I really want to read the new book because each video I see from you and your parents I smile. This video talks about father/daughter relationship but I see many of these things in a relationship with sons as well. The love and respect relationship can be applied in so many wonderful ways. This is why God commanded loving Him first and loving others as ourselves is #1. I can not wait to apply the love and respect principles in family counseling.
haha pegs in the floor ^_^ good idea! 😛
Very good advice, though. Reminds me of the session John Burns did at the women’s conference at my church this fall, when he was talking about the importance of a father’s embrace. My dad always said, if a daughter doesn’t get proper love from her dad she will go out looking for it elsewhere. Very true, I think! The father-daughter relationship is sooo important!
The struggle with my dad (which I did understand until the last couple of years) was that we’re both introverts, yet I still had the desire to share my heart. But because I didn’t understand the introverted nature of my dad, I couldn’t find the balance between just spending time with him to deepen our relationship before being able to reach the heart level. Thankfully my growing knowledge of myself as an introvert recently, and therefore a growing knowledge of my dad, has given us the ability to understand our relationship and know how to interact and love effectively.
Growing up, my Papi would tell me, “You know that you don’t belong to me, you belong to the Lord. The Lord has allowed me to borrow you while on earth, and that one day I’m going to give Him accounts as to how well I took care of you, as an eartlhy farther. And I want my accounts to be in good standing.” (sorta paraphased, seeing as how my family is spanish speakng). At first I was a bit confused, but as he began explaining it to me, it became clear and apparent. Providing me that unconditional love; I did indeed appreciate it.
And I also have to add….Dads, I highly highly encourage you to love, affirm, reassure, and show kindness to you daughters during their adolescent years. I’m sure those years may be a bit difficult with a teenage daughter, but I will say, it will play a vital role for her as she grows and matures into a lady. Also, remember to lend her your ear. Girls like to talk, ALOT! Hear her out. That’s what she may be needing.
Don’t try to come up with a solution right away, be patient with your daughters.
I recall a particular moment when I was an outrageously angry and frustrated teen and I was behaving absolutely horrid – totally unacceptable behavior – but inside I kept thinking that if my Dad would just give me a big hug it would all be better; that I would feel loved and safe enough to calm down.
Wild stuff.
This advice came from a most recent episode of How I Met Your Mother. Classy, I know. “Kids don’t know logic. They only know you being there .” I thought that was cool. Kids just want to know you support them.
Well, said.
What worked- When dad came and apologized to me after I witnessed any argument or disagreement he would have with mom, always reassuring that he loved us, would fight for us, and sometimes with us, so we knew that he was “for us” as a family. In a world where divorce is HIGH, it was reassuring as a worried kid that my dad wasn’t going anywhere and he loved me.
I love the relationship between fathers and daughters. And now that I don’t live near my dad one of the things I wish for the most is to be able to get a hug from him. So sweet.
Encouraged by your ministry, thank you!
Our thoughts on God the Father are based in our experience with our earthly father. Dads need to be that ever loving presence in a daughter’s life. I do feel for them when the hormones hit, though, it has to be so trying and confusing at times. I’ve certainly needed hugs all the way along and was/am blessed to have a dad who decided that his daughters would know every day how much he loved them (his own father didn’t tell him until he was grown, so he made the effort to change that with the next generation). I did have to giggle at the mention of venting, out pastor recently said in a sermon that someone venting can be much like someone passing gas in the room (I may never think of venting the same way again….).
Liz thinks...
I would agree that the reassurance in the teenage years is very important. I did the same thing as a young (er) girl… I would say things to my dad because I thought that he was tough enough. Both my parents heard things like that as disrespect when (hopefully) It wasn’t that at all. My dad and I were not very close through my high school years. I think that definitely has effected me. Thanks for this video. It was definitely encouraging.
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