Hi Joy,
After dating my boyfriend for a significant amount of time, he says he loves me and can’t imagine his life without me, but can’t find the words to say he wants to marry me.
I feel like this should be a no-brainer. Am I being crazy for wanting him to fish or cut bait, or do I need to respect his needs and timing?
—Lisa
Hey Lisa,
As my father puts it in the video, this isn’t really about you—it’s about his own issue. There may be an irrational fear he’s struggling with that needs to be addressed.
However, the challenging facing you is: Would you be able to say this relationship is over and then really stand your ground?
Listen in on the discussion we have about wise ways to approach the conversation and important boundaries to set in place. (That’s right, Papa E is back in the house!)
From my heart that loves to fish—but only for so long,
Joy
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Stacie thinks...
This might help – just some practical thoughts from a real-life relationship.
I never found a point in “casual” relationships. I went on a lot of “casual” dates – like getting coffee or whatnot. Commitment-free, getting to know you, sorts of things. They were a lot of fun and I did figure a lot about myself and what I didn’t find attractive.
Then I met my current boyfriend. I really liked him and he liked me. We talked, a lot. I let him know if it was going to be a relationship, it was going to have the intention of long-term in mind. Not to say I could read the future or tell that we were going to marry in “x” amount of years. I simply stated that marriage was a desire of mine and I wan’t going to enter into a relationship just for “fun” and break it off as soon as things became less “fun.”
My guy reciprocated the same thing. Had he not, in these early stages, I would have understood and appreciated the honesty.
I think it is ok to respectfully and honestly state your desires, but say also, “It’s not about trying to push you into something. It’s because I really, truly see the value and beauty of a marriage relationship.” And then open up the conversation by asking for your significant other’s thoughts.
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