Why do we have weddings? Is Happily Ever After real? Is it possible to help our friends stay together forever?
Since it’s “wedding season” and this is a post I hold near and dear to my heart, I felt it was time to share this baby again. Last week, I was contacted by two different friends telling me of their friends whose marriages were falling apart. In one case the husband had checked out, and in the other it was the wife. I realize I hear more sad stories than most because the nature of my work BUT…
In both cases, my friends were asking me to pray because they were going to meet with the spouse who was checking out of the marriage.
THIS. This is what it means to stand with your friends at their wedding and beyond.
We need each other, y’all.
_______
So…
Why do you attend weddings?
What does it mean to throw a wedding?
Will you view this wedding season any differently?
How can you love your friends well? (Besides taking out their redheaded flower girl?)
From my flower-throwing heart,
Joy
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Thank you! I’m sure you will be a great friend to your friends getting married.
Why do you attend weddings?
I attend weddings for two reasons: I am a socially inept introvert that is too close to becoming a shut-in (think of a much less intelligent, pre-Amy Sheldon Cooper). So, I have a written goal to attend at least one social event per month. Weddings are easy events to fulfill this goal. Second reason, FREE FOOD!
What does it mean to throw a wedding?
In my opinion, weddings are primarily for the bride. Let’s look at the facts. The decorations are flowers, ribbons, and candles that usually compliment the bride’s dress. The bride is the most elegantly dressed person there, and she usually starts preparing her hair and makeup either the night before or early that morning. The beautiful bridesmaids are dressed down compared to the bride. The entrance of the bridesmaids and flower girl are all in preparation for the bride. We, the audience, all stand for the bride as she slowly marches down the aisle. Whereas the groom and his groomsmen will dress almost identical, in the colors that the bride usually picks out, a few minutes before the wedding. They pretty much look the same. They come in a side door at the beginning which usually informs the audience that the procession is about to begin. It is all about the bride.
Will you view this wedding season any differently?
Probably not.
How can you love your friends well? (Besides taking out their redheaded flower girl?)
To help my friends, I’ve started giving the Love & Respect book as a wedding gift. I also encourage them to try to understand the “why” behind their spouse’s decisions. I also encourage them to seek professional marriage counseling before the problems become big. I tell them that it is wise to seek mentoring and education about marriage just as they seek continued mentoring and education about their careers.
I like your free food rationale!! That seems like motivation to go to as many as you can. Maybe at the next one you could look up from the buffet and ask someone (or if you’re married, your wife) to dance?? That should be your next challenge. (-:
I think weddings are about the couple, and yes the bride and the celebration of her sacredness and beauty are something culturally and scripturally talked about, but most brides I talk to wish their grooms would be more involved in the planning of the wedding. When the guys are, I think thats reflected. But hey, I don’t think it would be out of line for you (if you’re single) to wear something completely different from your groomsmen when your wedding day arrives. Think about it! Ha.
Also, no, women do not put their make up on the night before.
So, I went to another wedding this past weekend. I enjoyed the food, but I didn’t do so well in the socializing department. I had four beautiful young ladies, of whom I had only met one previously, sit down at my table. I couldn’t even get a simple “hello” out of my mouth. My complete lack of social skills will keep me single forever. However, if I do manage to ever get married (HA), I will be sure to wear a completely different outfit than my groomsmen. Also, I will note that women do not put on their make up the night before. I truly laughed out loud when I read that. 😀
I just got married to my husband May 10, 2014 we had been engaged for 4.5 years The first year of the engagement was good but year 2-4 were so hard, difficult due to his sister, and mom, hating me, and they never got to know me, they never asked me about my family, how I was raised. All they could do was : Judge me, Ridiculed me, put me down verbally, mentally, psychologically , mentally . His sister got me so mad a month 1/2 before we were supposed to be married, I took off for 2 weeks and went home. How do you deal with nasty in laws? ” I am always having to prove, I am a good person, and my self worth to his mom, and sister. They were mean, and nasty to me 2 days before my wedding, They had me in tears. I am so tired of having to prove my self worth to them. His mom, sister stomped on my heart, my emotions, my feelings. Will they ever accept, or like me.
Hey Corinne,
This seems like an issue outside of my expertise. Looks like there is some really family conflict going on and I would suggest you and your husband going to see a counselor about how you can approach your in laws as a team. If you talk with a counselor or if you’re at a church maybe a pastor could meet with you, try to assess the reasons why they may hate you. We can only ever be responsible for our own actions. Sadly, they may never like you or accept you or be kind to you. But all you can do is manage your emotions, responses and attitude.
You and your husband will have to decide what is appropriate family time, and what events you may need to (without an attitude) not attend.
I really do pray you go see a pastor or counselor though who can walk with you through this because it sounds like a very complicated issue.
Thank you joy .
This is great! I attend weddings because I like to see how pretty the scenery is at most of them. Sadly, the ceremony nor the reception mean a whole lot to me. I mostly go for the party aspect too; funny, I never thought of it until now.
I am sure to communicate with the groom that I am there for him should he ever need to talk –Yes women, we do talk from time to time when we need to — about anything. Most of the the men I talk with are those I have had a one-on-one discipleship type of relationship, or small group history.
We were one of ‘those couples’ who ‘had it all together’ and ‘were just fine on our own’ up until our divorce. Working with single ministries (before and after marriage) and couples ministries, I see how some ‘newly married couples’ pull back from their ministries to focus on their new ‘family;’ this can be done in a ‘healthy’ way as well as an ‘unhealthy’ way. I think it is very important you ‘as a family’ have time to do ‘family’ things together, but not neglect the ‘larger family’ of friends who you may be able to glean wise counsel from, or give wise counsel to.
Great video Joy! Thank you for increasing my awareness and giving me more perspective.
Thanks Aron — Enjoy the summer parties and breakin’ it down on the dance floor. Thanks for sharing about your personal experience and hey Aron, we women DO know that men talk to each other and most of us encourage those relationships. If there are women out there who don’t encourage their men to have other male friends, then thats silly. (And vice versa)
I love love love this post. My best friend just got married in May. Instead of having a wedding party made up of bridesmaids and groomsmen, she and her husband had a chuppah. They are not Jewish but loved the symbolism of the chuppah. For each corner of the chuppah their was a person, these people symbolized the accountability they would bring to the marriage. It was really supper special for me as her friend. It meant for me that I was a piece of her future, their future, and that they trusted us to speak truth into their marriage. It was also incredibly humbling. If marriage is in my future, that is exactly the type of community and support I want around my marriage.
I love this! I need to do some more research on The Chuppah.
A perfect marriage.
Applause for the concept of going beyond the wedding and standing with people in marriage. It’s so important! Sad when I hear of many marriages falling apart, too. Or when people look at marriage as something that will or won’t work out because of ‘statistics.’ Pretty dreadful..I try to have compassion in this area and know the ache many feel, and address my own fears in this area. I want to be married forever!
Anyways, I haven’t watched the video yet..but question: I’ve heard you mention it before. What do you have against redheads? Ha ha.
Amy Joelle thinks...
Joy, that was a great video! Very thought provoking. As I begin the season of life with my friends getting married, this is a wonderful challenge to be committed. Someday, if the Lord allows, I hope to do the “insert” of why I have guests at my wedding. Thanks for the idea! 🙂
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