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I have been married for three months now. My husband is very clean and I am fairly neat, but since being married I have kind of chilled out in that area. In fact, compared to my husband, I am lazy.
What can I do? I don’t want to make him feel like he got cheated by marrying me.
-Susan
________
Susan,
Don’t be so hard on yourself! As you’ll see in this video, I’m not the Neatest Nancy out there, either.
You didn’t say that your husband has said anything about this, but if you want to, this is a great moment to honor him by saying something like this:
“You know what, honey, I really respect the way that you are so disciplined in these areas. I want to learn from you.”
Use these first few months to figure out each other’s strengths, learn from each other, and create a gameplan for the to-do list. Start having the conversations now and create a win-win in your marriage, where you honor each other’s strengths and give grace for each other’s weaknesses.
Still feeling lazy? This would be a great conversation to bring up with your husband, or with an older, wiser woman who can speak into the topic.
_______
From my Mr. Clean heart,
Joy and The Dusty Vaccuum
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Susan – seems like you’re projecting resentment onto your husband. Have you asked him how he feels about you not being as neat a freak as he is? Maybe he didn’t even notice.
Nothing in marriage is 50/50. Chores included. Talk about what chores you both like/dislike or are willing to tolerate. There doesn’t need to be an “assignment” per se, but you both can chip in where help is needed. I’m not good at sorting/cycling the laundry, but I’m a solid folder. My wife hates cleaning the bathrooms so I take care of them. Work to your strengths as a team.
Lastly, set reasonable expectations. Compromise on a general level of order and work together to keep it tidy. If the hubby likes it even cleaner than that effort is on him.
Married life is messy. When kids enter the picture one day you can forget keeping the house spotless.
Heck yeah. I outsourced the garbage years ago to our oldest son. 🙂
Julie thinks...
This is great Joy! They absolutely should talk to each other about it! This also helps in case you need to readjust as life changes. When we were first married and I was working part-time but Josh was in school full-time, I did more of the chores around the house, but since I have been working full time, and Josh’s school schedule has lightened, we split things more evenly. And we also talked about what things we don’t mind doing, and what things we hate, so we balance that (for example, I don’t like doing loads of laundry but enjoy folding and putting away the clean clothes, and Josh doesn’t mind doing the laundry but can’t stand folding it, so he does a few loads and leaves them for me to fold). So yes, couples, or roommates, should just talk about it and see what works for them. It doesn’t have to be the same as anyone else, find what works for you!
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