Don't leave just yet. Besides these articles, sometimes I send out extra special stuff. Don't miss out. Sign up here.
people are love and respecting (now).
Join the movement.
I watched your video about leading people on. At first I thought, “Oh! I am free and clear. I never lead anyone on…ever. They just take my friendliness out of context.” Then I realized my behavior hasn’t been just friendly. I have been the textbook definition of a tease and now I don’t know what to do. So my question is: how do you dig yourself out once you’ve led someone on?
Well, you could put the shovel down and say you are sorry. And then, stop.
Unless, of course, you like them. Then you aren’t leading them on—you are doing what I define as “flirting to let them know you are interested in getting to know them more.”
I often talk about being friendly to everyone because, in the past, I would be mean to people who I thought might be interested in me. I’d try to make them not like me by becoming unlikeable.
But, as I’ve mentioned before, my mom told me this was dumb and that she raised me to be nice to everyone.
Being nice to everyone means that some people might fall for you. But that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. If your personality is positive and inviting, that’s going to be attractive to a lot of people. My guess is, you probably have a lot of men and women who want to be your friend.
On the other hand, “textbook flirting” can be defined as:
to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love coquet.
Wait, coquet, the lawn game?
Not quite. Coquet is defined as “trying to attract attention and admiration for mere self-gratification.”
Like I said, by my definition, flirting is a good way to be even friendlier and give someone initial clues that you are extra interested in them without awkwardly shouting, “I AM INTERESTED IN GETTING TO KNOW YOU – DO YOU FEEL THE SAME?!”
However, if you are “textbook flirting,” then your heart and intentions are probably only in it for personal gain and attention with no hope for anything other than self-gratification. In which case, yes, that would make you a tease. So just stop. It’s annoying.
In short, let people speak into your life. If they think you are leading people on and causing hurt and confusion, take that counsel and turn the volume down on the vibes you’re throwing out, especially if you think someone might get hurt.
But if you know your heart is in the right place, you don’t have to feel guilty if someone likes you.
Be clear if you’re not interested in them if they state their interest in you. Consistently be kind to everyone, while giving a little more of your attention to the person you like.
Hopefully, they’ll get the clue.
Or, for a bolder approach, you could write your name in gasoline in their front yard and throw down that match. My mother hasn’t put the kibosh on that one yet.
From my pyrotechnic-loving heart,
What is your definition of “flirting”?
Have you ever been in a situation where your friendly personality was interpreted as flirting? How did you handle it?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.