I’ve heard many questions and concerns surrounding the topic (or rather, fear) of leading someone on, or frustration at the feeling of being led on. So here is my response:
1. Generally, “leading someone on” is an element of an ambiguous relationship, where there really isn’t a clear definition of the relationship, often leading to confusion.
2. Usually, it’s people with impure motives who do most of the “leading on” (and, chances are, they probably aren’t actually watching this video right now).
3. If you are kind and genuine with other people, there’s a reality that someone may fall for you. But, if the feelings are not mutual, it doesn’t mean you have to conclude that you were “leading them on.” Let your reputation speak for you.
This and more* in my video response.
From my genuine-loving heart,
Joy
Have you ever been accused of “leading someone on”? How did you respond?
What are some ways we, as Christian men and women, can build up and protect each other’s reputations?
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Good stuff Joy (as ever). I’ve never been accused of leading someone on, but sometimes I do get paranoid that if someone likes me and I’m my normal nice self to them that it will encourage them (much the same way that I am encouraged if I am treated nicely by someone I like… if that makes sense..).
You’re right though, of course. Pure motives is where it’s always at!
1. I was accused of leading on. We were dating and he just wanted to get more serious than I did, so we ended it and later on is when he accused me. I’m pretty sure that I didn’t react well to it, though. It was a while back.
I think the best way to protect each others reputations is to just take the time to get to know the person behind the reputation you’re protecting. Guard your heart, but also help guard theirs…if that makes sense
I completely agree with the thoughts on leading on.
I would just add that their can be unhealthy emotional tendency for some men to feel responsible for the happiness of the women in our lives. This is especially true for those of us with quiet dads and stronger moms.
We can be helpful to each other, but we aren’t responsible for fixing each other’s feelings.
Well said Martin!
Thank you for this much-needed dose of grace and clarity. There have been a few instances where a guy has been into me (and the feelings weren’t mutual) (–and can I just interject that THIS IS BIZARRE FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT!?–), and I was left wondering if by being myself with him, I had somehow been leading him on. This may not make sense outside my head, but — Having been married for so long, I never really thought about needing to act differently with different friends. Yes, there was always wisdom exercised and most time with guy friends was with my husband present, but I would laugh, joke, care, express concern, etc the same across the board. It didn’t matter. Now that I’m single, I feel like living in that same way — just being me, regardless — has sent wrong signals. Simply hearing you say “it doesn’t mean you have to conclude that you were ‘leading them on'” is so good for my heart. But I would love to hear your perspective on this… Do I need to take a friend’s gender into consideration and “tailor myself” (being kind, genuine, loving deeply, caring about people’s hearts/journeys) when it comes to guys??
Also… When a guy has expressed feelings that I don’t reciprocate, after that awkwaaaard conversation, should I change from what has been my normal way of interacting with him? I’ve done that — pulled back, communicated less, etc, because I felt that at that point, knowing how he feels, then I might be leading him on by continuing as I had been. But then the guy asks why I’ve changed and feels like he lost my friendship because he expressed his feelings. So, again… I have no idea what I’m doing in this arena. Any and all insight/perspective would be appreciated.
Thank you for you, Joy.
reneamac (@https://twitter.com/reneamac) thinks...
Boom. Nailed it.
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