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I now know why I fell in love with my ex-boyfriend: He was a hugger.
Ok, I fell in love with him for more than that. He made me laugh, doted on me, and had really strong arms.
What? That’s not shallow.
What would be shallow is if I told you I fell in love with him because he had a nose that was almost as adorable as mine.
But back to the hugging thing…
Fun Fact of the Day: Oxytocin is a chemical that is released in men and women, but mostly women. It creates a feeling of trust. Louann Brizedine, M.D., a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California showed through one of her experiments that Oxytocin is released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner.
What!? 20 Seconds? So if Bill the homeless guy on the corner starts hugging me I am going to feel like I could let him manage my 401K?
Kind of.
Obviously the study showed that the bond happens from a “partner.” My assumption is that the experiment was starting off with people who had some level of familiarity, but with physical touch, the trust grows.
So then women, do we just avoid hugging all men so we don’t trust the wrong person? Men, can this be your “in” to get that girl you work with to fall in love with you?
Mary to Boss: “Uhh, yeah, every time I go into the breakroom, Billy is standing next to the fridge with open arms. It’s starting to get weird.”
Each of us has to decide what we want to do with this information. But for now, I am going to switch gears and look at “healthy touch.” (Wow, that sounds straight out of a private school’s sex education text book.)
I am not sure what that looks like…err…feels like. I haven’t had a boyfriend in over two years so the touching has been minimal, the hugs few and far between. Just yesterday my friend was talking about how she held hands with a guy she just started dating and I wanted to know if she would share him with me. I find myself longing for it, but not knowing how to embrace it. (pun intended)
I’m starting to believe we need it.
Whatever holds you back, (i.e. my family never hugged me, once I hug I’ll probably sleep with the person, I am an awkward hugger, I hate the smell of humans, etc.) get over it. Sure, if you are going to be some dude who starts hugging the “ladies” to get them to trust you with no good reason, or your some psycho-chick addicted to oxytocin releases, then this message isn’t for you.
Message: What if we started hugging more? Would the whole of humanity start trusting each other more? Could this contribute to believing in the overall goodness of mankind?
Maybe I am stretching it a bit, but I am speaking from a place of personally wanting to trust people more. And for some reason, this phrase I heard in high school has never left me:
“You need five hugs a day to maintain and seven to grow.”
If hugging was a product, I would think that line was just made up by the Hug marketing department. However, if that comment is true, I must be dying. Honestly, sometimes it feels like that.
Death isn’t an overstatement.
In Russia, years ago, babies were put in a room and given absolutely no human touch. They were fed and kept warm, but even then, there was no touching. All of the babies died.
THE END
Dramatic ending: CHECK.
Now that I have everyone officially scared out of their mind, go out and hug someone. Or you will die. Just try to keep it under 20 seconds, you weirdo.
Hugs should not be that big of a deal. So why do you think so many people are awkward about it? (myself included)
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
i'm totally a hugger and i hate it when people are awkward or give the equivalent of the limp fish handshake of hugs (you totally know what i'm talking about). and the quote from high school that's stuck with me? "every person needs 12 meaningful touches a day"
it's definitely cultural, and i think with people we know well hugs should be the norm, not the unusual.
it's true – and scientifically proven – hugs feel good!
don't just hug one person today – hug 10 people and ask them to HUG IT FORWARD!
if each of those 10 people hug 10 people tomorrow, and those 100 people each hug 10 more…. in ten days 10 BILLION people will have been hugged!
HUG IT FORWARD!!!
Yes! That was my first thought after reading this, Joy. I was actually just talking to my family over the holidays about how hugging got weird, and I’m not sure when. Personally, I think that it may have a little something to do with the way that Christian culture over-sexualized everything forever so then hugging got called into question.
Do I give a big hug? Quick hug? A-frame hug? Side-hug?
Well, to be fair, hugging has gotten called into question because of another reason, and that is when a few people who seem to have a certain slinky gene that means they do the “lingering hug” or the weird “trace their hand around your back or your arm hug that leaves you feeling repulsed yet inclined to be kind because Jesus would to.”
I think we probably overthink the whole hug thing.
Hug away and enjoy the hugs.
kathy thinks...
I think it's cultural – maybe even down to the regions of the US. In the Midwest, hugging can be more of an invasion of personal space than a sign of affection. I was pretty anti-hug/touch, until I went to Chile and it was offensive to not KISS (on the cheek) every person in the room when you arrived or left. I was a little surprised, but I missed it when I got back to the states. Getting that close to another person, whether platonic or not, has a way of creating a level of comfort that wasn't there before.
However, I do not like the "free hug" people that stand outside of Powell's. I think that's just weird.
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