I am currently leading a Love and Respect small group for women. They come from all different situations, happily married, fresh divorce, divorced more than 5 years, married to someone who does not believe in God, etc. Every time these women leave my house I feel like I am putting them in more pain.. yikes! I am using the Love and Respect DVD series and workbook, but it is geared towards couples. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can better facilitate the material without feeling like I am throwing salt into a wound.
It’s important as a leader to ask yourself:
How can I best facilitate the group, knowing the different needs of these particular women?
It looks like you are asking those questions, so be encouraged!
My first thought was to remember that ultimately you are there to encourage them to be obedient unto Christ. Divorced or not, there will be wounds because they are human. If people are realizing that they did or are doing something wrong in a relationship, this will be eye opening and then painful.
Women hate watching their friends in pain. We want to tell them it’s ok and not their fault. If a woman is wanting to grow, she will be focusing on what she needs to change, no matter how hard. If we truly are committed friends we will be able to address what they did wrong and remind them that there is hope and forgiveness.
On the other hand, if they go through this and realize they did obey God’s word and yet their marriage dissolved or their spouse isn’t changing, they can have hope and assurance because they know they can humbly stand before God and man realizing they are only responsible for their actions and reactions and were obedient. God rewards that!
You, as their leader can remind them of this truth.
If you are looking for a pain free L&R small group, it probably won’t happen. Transformation and growth are never a fun place. But, it’s amazing that you all are doing the group together in the different walks of life you face. It helps to get out of our own affinity group and realize there is so much to learn when we dive into where other people are at…and your group is doing that.
Be proud!
There will be feelings of anguish as women realize the years they may have lost. But if you, as their leader, can tell them that Jesus sorrows with them and wants them to know his grace and power through suffering, then it will all be worth it. Even Paul realized this when he wrote that God’s grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness.
And what I love most of all is that you are in relationship with each one of these women. You are learning their different stories and from that can encourage them where they are. Instead of feeling like you are pouring salt into a wound, be prayerful that you can be a flavoring of “salt” that helps them in their unbelief when the pain they are feeling is clouding truth. Let the beginning of Colossians 4 be an encouragement to you.
There is hope. Give your group that hope as you suffer together.
From My Heart,
Joy
Colossians 4:2-6
“Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison—that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
I love that image of salt, Joy. Salt can be painful, but cleansing, and brings out the flavor in things. I commend the question-asker to being sensitive toward meeting the needs of the women in her group, but also being salty enough to challenge them and brave enough to travel to the heart of women. I think the painful parts of our hearts (whatever our relationship status) are so tempting to avoid, but we are called to bring them into the light where they may be healed. Thanks for the inspiring me to do likewise, salt sister!
Parker – where do you live? My adult daughter is searching for a man in love with Jesus! 🙂 She’s in North Carolina!
Joy – thank you for all you’re doing for this next generation of husbands and wives! I attended your parents’ conference in Minneapolis a few weeks ago – and I was one of those whose response was “I wish I’d have know then what I know now!” However, it’s never too late and we’re already experiencing healing and growth and hope!! What a beautiful blessing from God!
Love you guys!
Parker – Thanks for your encouragement. Looks like Kelli has a possible connection. (-:
Erin – Now I can’t get that Soul Sister song out of my head. Thanks.
Kelli – Match maker match maker! Thanks for your encouragement, please be praying for our ministry.
Will ABSOLUTELY be continuing to pray for your ministry, Joy!! 🙂
Parker thinks...
Relationships are key, yet we have gone so wrong and commitment means nothing to our generation. Also the amount of choices we have greatly hinders our ability to make decisions, even in small areas- but especially when it comes to choosing the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. Really glad you have stepped up and are tackling important issues. So greatly needed and provides hope for me, a Man searching for someone in love with Jesus!! “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing.”
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