As a male truly desiring to date with honor and respect, I have found “Christian women” seem to fall pretty quick even without truly knowing or desiring to know who we are on the inside. Why are they so quick to fall for SOMEone instead of the ONE? (I already know the answer-as I am a guy and understand the lack of godly men who lead well and love well).
What I would like to know is why tall men are so quick to fall for short women? Seriously, what’s the deal? My plea to short women…can you leave the tall men for all females over 5’7? Thanks.
Sorry, back to your question…errr statement?
1. I would encourage you to be careful about the belief systems you hold about all “Christian women” based on your experience. You obviously have seen women “fall” which I would assume you to mean that they didn’t marry you and married someone who you have decided is not a Godly man.
2. You also put “Christian women” in quotations which would lead me to think that based upon their decision, you doubt the legitimacy of their faith and probably assume they are nominal Christians. Would that be a correct assumption on my part?
3. If this is the case, why would you want to be with women who are only “Christian” in name anyways?
I could be very off base in my assumption of your experience, but from the limited amount of information I have, this was my guess.
I agree with you that it is painful to see people we care about end up with someone we don’t think is best for them…but I am also not sure that I believe there is “one.” Scripturally, I don’t see anything that would lead us to that conclusion although I know some people can make a strong case.
Regardless, when you choose to marry, that person becomes the “one” because we know from scripture, we are making a commitment for a lifetime, and in the eyes of God we are married. (1 Corinthians 7:39)
But let’s get back to this idea of “falling” which I will simply define as both men and women who lower their standards. My guess is if any of us “fall” it’s usually because we aren’t looking where we are going and ignore warning signs. We see some pretty clear guidelines in scripture, but outside of that, we are free to marry whomever. I personally believe those guidelines are to produce a life of freedom. Sometimes those freedoms get cloudy when loneliness sets in. We question or ignore our beliefs and become impatient. Our temporary needs to be served take precedence over partnering with someone who loves Jesus and wants to serve the needs of the world together.
I see you being a passionate man who wants to serve Jesus and a wife. You have high expectations for yourself and the people around you. This is a great quality and I would encourage you to keep praying and reading scripture to find out what Christ calls you to be whether single or as a husband. It can be discouraging to be alone when you truly desire to partner with someone, but for the most part, other people’s actions are outside of your control, so try to not let what some people do taint your view of all humanity.
Keep on becoming a man seeking after God and my prayer is that a “Christian woman” (sans quotes) will be part of your future…and a tall Godly man will be part of mine.
From my heart,
Joy
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Ashley – Thank you for your words of encouragement to this guy. And thank you for standing strong in the movement for E.D.H.D. (Equal dating height distribution.)
Really? What is it with short women and tall men?! I have friends who exemplify it. He’s 6’7″ and she’s barely 5′. They’re young enough to be my children. When they got engaged I told her they were perfect together, but she needed to be prepared for the scorn of tall women. She can handle it. 🙂
Hmmmm—I took the man’s question a little differently. I thought he meant when a Christian woman starts dating a Christian guy she’s all in. She loses hold of her discernment (for at least a while) and holds onto his church attendance and proclamations of a relationship with Christ. I know I’ve done this before. Thankfully God lovingly smacked me upside the head with a reality check. For me, and I’m probably a bit older than most of your readers, I haven’t met that many single men my age who go to church and claim to be Christ followers. When I have met some who were interested in me, I started to fall for them pretty hard before my discernment kicked in. I’m thankful I’ve been learning to discern first.
To Joy and Ashley: You´re so right, for a guy with 5`5 I plea to my fellow guys to keep the short women for the short guys and get themself tall women!! All rights to E.D.H.D!!
-To the guy who was asking I want to say that I can feel what you´re saying. You seem to be disappointed to don´t find the right one while women you think are great start dating jerks. You´re not alone in this. I want to encourage you to trust in God that his plans for you are good. It´s a hard way and you´re not alone!
Sheryl – You could totally be right. I generally have to cut peoples questions down for length and clarity’s sake, but I can see the question both ways. I hope your comment helped clarify and that my response helped someone! Most of the questions I get create 100 more questions for me!
Andi – Thanks for jumping on the E.D.H.D. bandwagon. This movement is picking up some real momentum. Thanks also for your encouragement to our writer.
hmmm… as far as the short girl tall guy thing, I have to differ on that point. As a 5’0.5″ female dating a 6’4″ guy, I think of it as mother nature’s way of evening out the extremes…. 🙂 maybe if I have kids someday they will be somewhere around average height, haha.
I have always appreciated the fact that my now husband, Joe (6′ 9″) understood the need to date and eventually marry a taller woman, me! 🙂 He even had a “no dating anyone shorter than his nipples rule” …but i think that was in jest and probably not be shared on a public blog 😉
I think the question is a great one and I also interpreted it like Sheryl. If he’s saying he’s experienced relationships with women who have fallen for him based upon the label that he’s a Great Christian Guy, and haven’t searched to know and understand him further, I think I have some insight to add based upon my own experiences. I think part of it could be a personality thing. I know that I’ve had dating experiences where I’m not sure he trusted my genuine interest in him as a person because of my enthusiasm. There are some of us who develop a loyalty and an openness to only a few, select people. And the loyalty is strong, and goes deep. Once we loyalists find somebody that we want to discover, as women we embrace the potential that we see, even though he may not be there yet. I also think that some women (like me) rely on our intuition and tend to project our excitment at the possibility of serving and loving people WITH someone, forgetting to communicate well that we’re not just looking for anyone, but we can sense that we’ve discovered someone special and unique and we’re excited about continuing to discover who he is. With that goes the freedom that Joy talked about. People are complex and deep and messy, and there’s no way to get to the bottom of someone and discover if he or she is “the one” absolutely. Marriage (so I hear) reveals all sorts of things about the people we are throughout many, many years, and after the commitment has been made. I think before the commitment is made, we have to learn to trust each other’s hearts and intentions, because people change, and grow, and are so amazingly complex.
On the height front, I think it’s silly that tall women won’t date shorter men. Aren’t we trying to love men’s insides, after all? I have a cousin who’s married to a tall, gorgeous woman. She’s a good 2-3 inches taller, and they’re happily married. For their wedding photo, she had to stand two steps down from him on the stairs, but they’re still a very attractive couple. I say, go short guys!
RH – I like your logic but I am still sticking with the E.D.H.D. Does he ever pick you up to show you what “things up here” look like? I imagine that would be fun.
Christie – Can Joe type up his declaration and get some tall man signatures? Thanks.
Erin – So glad to have your view along with Sheryl. I totally see how this could be his question so having your take shared is why I love the comment section. You people have to help me out!
And as far as the height thing goes. I too appreciate your encouragement to short men, but personally…I just like to have someone I can climb.
Erin—Yes! You’re so right about seeing the potential in a man and embracing that . . . literally or figuratively.
As for the shorter than me man thing, I wouldn’t turn down a man who is a bit shorter than me. It’s more about how I feel. I tend to feel less feminine when I’m dating a shorter man—yes, my issue, not inherently his.
I thought i had already left a comment on here, but i must never had hit submit.
As someone who is just over 6’0, i’d still put 5’7 in the short category. I have noticed that alot of tall men go out with tiny women, and sometimes in the past I wish that they would notice me. I also discovered alot of shorter men (those shorter than me, but not really all that short on a normal scale) don’t want to date taller women. More than once I have been told by a guy he wish he could date me but couldn’t because i was too tall. Obviously a reflection of their own insecurities, but its quite a situation to be in when the tall guys are dating short women, and the short guys refuse to date tall women.
Anyway, it all worked out and i married a wonderful man who didn’t have any insecurity about being with a woman taller than himself, which worked out well for him, because I’m pretty awesome. (as is he)
But i do wish taller women would embrace their femininity. It has nothing to do with height. Being with someone shorter will never make you less
feminine. I think feminity is alot more internal than something like height comparisons.
None of this had anything to do with the issue in the question, but rather some things brought up in the comments.
Mary – I love that the comments have become more about my silly side comment! Goes to show the power of a title…
Love what you shared and I do hope that everyone knows anytime I get super dogmatic about something that I shouldn’t be, it probably means I’m kidding.
I would date any man who was wonderful. Height doesn’t matter.
Now…if he had red hair…that might be a different story.
Dear Joy,
You crack me up. Your comment about tall men was hilarious…and so true. Since stumbling across your website last fall your videos and articles make me think deeply and laugh my face off. Your articles and videos are so encouraging. And awesome. Thank you!
Awww thank you for the encouragement!!
Ashley thinks...
I completely agree Joy! As a woman who is 5’10 it is totally annoying for a tall guy to be with a girl under 5’7. I tried to encourage my tall brothers in this, but they haven’t listened. So, I echo your plea to shorter women. Thanks for your posts! And to the man who wrote…keep becoming the man of God you need to be and looking for the woman of God you desire. There are plenty of us out there waiting to fall for a truly Godly man.
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