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A guy who has come to my church’s college group only twice has asked me out on a date. Is it ideal for me to go out with him and get to know him, or is it too soon?
If he wears a ski mask and/or has a hook for a hand, yes…it’s too soon.
There is nothing right or wrong with this situation; however, you may want to ask yourself a few questions and pray for discernment.
1) Do you want to go out with him?
2) Do you feel comfortable around him, or do you get the Church Creeper* vibe?
Ask your pastor if anyone knows anything about him. Family, job, criminal record, etc. If you don’t feel comfortable yet, then just get to know him at church. If you do feel comfortable, you are free to go out with him as far as I’m concerned. But, if people are saying, “Uhhh, something about that dude screams Fatal Attraction,” then I would heed their caution.
Be wise in where you go and what situations you put yourself in, but, in my opinion, there is never an “amount of times” someone can attend church that would make them more or less of a Church Creeper. That is up to your prayerful discernment and the input of others.
From my heart,
Joy
*Church Creeper: men or women who go to church to pick up on people. “Holy, Holy, Hooooly…hotness! Look at that guy over there with the chiseled jaw line!”
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I am a single pastor. Where is the best place to meet woman? I feel weird using my church as a place to date. I tried it once and it did not turn out great. What are some good places to meet woman besides online?
The bar.
Honestly, I don’t know of any “places,” but I would suggest just telling people close to you that you’re interested in meeting someone. I am a FAN of being set up. It increases credibility, courtesy and civility to the dating experience. (At least that would be the hope.)
Anybody have any other ideas for the single pastor that is trying to not be a Church Creeper?
From my heart,
Joy
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Church Creeper – an eight-legged creature named Jacques who has a knack for wine and loves polygamy. He frequents the baptismal and often refers to the Executive Pastor as “Jim Jim”. His past is one filled with sorrow, pain, love, loss, and theme parks. Once he did a commercial for Gerber Babies but it never aired because he later felt it “went against everything I stint for”. This was the beginning of the end of Jacques and now he marches the darkened halls of churches across America, looking for love in all the wrong places.
I agree with you Joy that being set up is a great way to meet people, for all the reasons you listed.
Another great way (in my experience) is to pursue your hobbies. A running group or a book club or a recreational soccer team is a good way to meet people who share your same interests. And even if you don’t meet someone, you’re having good time while you’re at it.
Also, I read an article in Time magazine once that said a huge percentage (can’t remember the number) of people meet their significant other through the introduction of friends. So I guess I figure that even if I don’t meet my spouse at book club, I might meet my spouse’s third cousin or his mom’s sister… or whatever.
Aaaand even if that doesn’t pan out, it’s fun to make new friends.
I can feel for single pastors. You can feel awkward if you start dating a member of the church and things don’t work out, the last thing you want is all the old ladies dissing you in the woman’s Sunday School class.
Best advice I can give, which has already been touched on a little is extracurriculars. The gym isn’t much better than the bar in my estimation, but an after school program, or Habitat for Humanity or even coaching an elementary school baseball team is a good way to get involved in the community, not only to meet a gal but to make your identity known to non Christians, which is key in reaching people with the Gospel.
Best wishes bro.
I second the idea about pursuing hobbies — I joined a book club last year and I’ve met some really good people there.
My friends and I always plan our monthly dinners/activities with an assignment: that we get to bring a friend (or two). 🙂
And Ally’s right — it’s always fun to make new friends. 🙂
I agree with Ally and Eric. Well put.
I’m also glad you’ve suggested inviting your close friends into the venture of your dating life; it’s very communal. Blind dates are forever getting a bad rap on sitcoms and wherever else as the possibilities of what could go wrong are a bottomless well of horrific hilarity. But in reality, our friends care for us and are most likely to set us up with people they also think highly of.
I think one of the best indicators for gauging the health of a Christian is their attitudes and love for the local church. I think most people would agree that a health Christian is someone, who has God for his Father and the Church for his mother.
I would offer a word of caution in this regard: if you love your church, I would hope you want to be with a guy that loves your church family as well. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out on a date with the guy. But I would be cautious about the guy’s motives. If this guy is just bouncing from Christian scene to scene trying to land a date, then that might be a flag.
John writes to the church in 1 John 4, and says our love for the brothers–one another or the church–is indicative of our love for God:
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love…If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. (4:7-8, 20-21)
For what that is worth…
Kaitlyn – I work alone. Oh no. (-;
David – You mentioned wanting to steal my job. Not until this comment did I think you really had a chance.
Ally – I totally agree and think that’s another reason to be open to meeting new people. You never know who has a third cousin’s dogs brothers owners neighbor just waiting in the wings.
Eric – I agree with you. And while it can be awkward for pastors to date within the church, I also want to say to women (myself included) who may be dissing the pastor in the ladies Sunday school class…STOP. Men have a side to the story too — and if they fear your gossiping wrath, they probably will stop asking women out. And then what do women say?
“Why don’t any of the men ask us out?!?!”
Tina – Ally and I would like to be invited to your next dinner. Thanks. (-:
Renea – Love that you said this. I wrote a post on the advantages to blind dates once, but then didn’t post because I was being set up on one and didn’t want to freak the guy out. I am ALL for blind dates as well! It adds a level of care and responsibility to all the parties involved.
Paul – Great words. I hope that she would be discerning about this as well and that’s why I think asking her church leaders their take on the guy can help discern if he is someone who is just bouncing from church scene to scene. If he seems legit, I don’t think going out with him is wrong if she is interested.
I attended the Love & Respect Conference and heard you speak, great job! I love the term Church Creeper b/c I just met one who seems to be following me around church and strategically shows up when all my friends have left and I am alone. I am really at the point where I want to tell him to stay away from me due to his creepiness but don’t quite know how to say it without being mean!!!! One day after service he acted like he had an urgent matter to discuss with me only to tell me this story about this friend of his who met this girl he likes and the relationship wasn’t going any where. Ummm if “this friend” just met this girl, then how could they be in a relationship????????? CREEPY
Wow, sounds like someone is in looooooove with you. (-: If he makes you uncomfortable I would just try to always keep a friend near when he is trying to chat with you. Always be friendly, but remember that you can always keep the conversations short or just kindly remove yourself. Stay in public. (P.S. I don’t speak at the L&R conferences, but maybe you saw me on a video at one? Or you might be confusing me for my mother.)
Kaitlyn thinks...
I agree that it’s a good idea to separate your professional life from your personal one, but let’s face it: Many people meet their significant other while on the job. It’s what you spend the majority of your time doing, so it makes sense that you would meet people there. Does he know other pastors? Because church seems like the ideal place to meet someone who shares your core values and beliefs, so if he doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure, maybe he can connect with other pastors who have a different congregation. (:
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