How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, but I think it would be naive to assume he doesn’t struggle. I know that I do, and I guess I just want an open conversation. Maybe just be honest about my own struggles and ask him about his?
Don’t be. If you want an honest conversation, you may hear your man describe temptations that aren’t the same for you or to the same degree. Recently I did an Ask Joy series about men’s sexuality. Women (myself included) were like, “We struggle too!”
Yes, we all struggle. But even though there is no reason why, it has been proved that men have neurological responses that are far stronger and more responsive to the female form than women toward the male form.
Doesn’t mean I don’t struggle; my struggle may just look different or be subtler. I need to have the humility and strength to recognize that we struggle differently. AND THAT IS OK. But we need to address our differences with bold grace and believe that God’s perfect design for us is something that will always be in process.
To shame someone or assume they are “worse” than you simply because their weakness is not your weakness is hypocritical and un-Christlike. Scripture speaks about this:
Matthew 7:5
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Note: If someone who professes to love God shares something with you that is a red flag according to the moral code of the Bible and he or she doesn’t bat an eye or they try to persuade you why it’s no big deal, then it’s OK to be a little shocked—not necessarily at the behavior, but at the person’s disregard for healthy living. This is a signal that it’s time for you to respectfully leave the relationship. No shaming or piety needed. Just scoot on out.*
Don’t rush the tough conversations, but don’t avoid them either. God knows what you need to know and will give you wisdom (if you ask) on when and how to address the issues on your heart. I have been amazed at how when I pray, He gives a perfect segue.** (Rhyme!)
James 1:5
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
From my heart,
Joy
How do you know when to show grace and when it’s time to “scoot on out?” Can feelings and emotions fool you? So what do you do?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
I am going a bit off topic, but what if someone close to you (a friend, family member) professes to be a Christian, but breaks one of God’s commands willingly and justifies themselves? How are we to respond? When do we show grace, or when do we scoot (or have nothing to do with them)? Does it depend on what kind of sin it is (e.g. stealing, vs. heresy)? I suppose it is a bit different if the person is your family. I just find it if they are people who are close to you compromising values and claiming to be Christians, it does have a significant influence on how you carry out your life (e.g. the way you react to sin, respond to them, how you carry out your own life).
I guess back to your question, to what extent do you mean scoot, especially if the person is within your community?
I hope this makes sense.
Elle – Writing from my phone so excuse the brevity. Check out the astrick to my “scoot” comment. The Lord may call us into confronting someone’s deliberate sin, but we need to be wise & have healthy boundaries. In a family or marriage you are committed to that person in a different bond than in a dating relationship where you have a choice & need to be wise. Whatever the circumstance I am convinced the Lord will lead & won’t give you anything you can’t handle—we must listen and obey in each situation. Great question!
Just checking out our new reply function.
Love your “note” and “*” !! Last time I checked it was not a sin to be tempted. Jesus was tempted, but without sin. It’s our response to the temptation/struggle that can cause us to mature or get entangled. Lots of healthy discussion/prayer/fasting and journaling and making right choices can happen between couples as they learn to engage in battle together with temptations they fear may overtake them. God’s word gives us some instruction when to “scooodosh”. For example:
brethren not to keep company with: 1 Corinthians 5:9-13
brethren to withdraw from: 2 Thess:3:6-15
brethren to avoid: 1 Timothy 6:20,
2 Timothy 2:23, Titus 3:9
Bold grace as you say or how restoration needs to be done with a brother over taken in a trespass is discussed in Galatians 6:1-10
Joy, yes feelings and emotions (selfishness too) can create some confusion with wise & hard choices. That’s when I rely on a healthy dose of godly fear-looking for the long term blessing. I like to recall your words as well: “My feelings are real (thank you for the validation), but are they right?” It helps me to prioritize what is right. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Kaylene thinks...
“Bold grace”. I like that.
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