If you missed the first post in this series, check out Know Me: Part 1.

Now, let’s consider your date to the wedding…

Problem: You’re standing in line for the bathroom. (No, not that kind of problem.) Your friend (who really does have a bladder problem) wants the scoop on your date and what makes you two such a good match. Your answer consists of, “Oh, we just have so much fun together!”

That’s great. But if the list ends there, I would consider that a problem.

Art of Asking Questions: Dating

In college I took rhetoric, which studies the art of speaking well. Dr. Spencer was known for difficult tests. I was known for failing them.

The art of asking questions was not something I was born getting an A+ in either. This is something I have had to learn. My best tutors over the last several years have been my parents and my friend Lindsay. All three of them have very different personalities, but do you know what they have in common?

People like them. A lot.

Now, don’t start asking people lots of questions so they will like you, but it makes sense, doesn’t it? I can’t think of one person who doesn’t desire to be known and accepted by someone else. I think we were created with that desire.

Take my parents for example. They only dated a short time before they got engaged. My mother recently shared with me that she believes one of the reasons they felt sure of their choice was because they asked each other questions nonstop during every date.

OK, I realize this sounds exhausting to many of you. This isn’t a formula, and it should be noted that the Eggerichs clan is far more intense than your average family. My parents were intense and intentional. Many people think my dad is funny, and he is—but even my mom says she doesn’t remember him being funny when they dated. She said yes to the character of the man, not yes to, “He makes me laugh.”

And guess what? Now my parents make each other laugh and have a whole lot of fun—when they aren’t being intense.

Don’t try to be my parents, but take note of what they did. They wanted to get to know each other, not necessarily be entertained. And the more you know, the better you will do on Dr. Spencer’s exam… I mean, in dating.

Art of Listening: Dating

Do you know what else my parents and Lindsay have in common?

They genuinely listen to people.

They follow up with more questions.

They keep listening.

If you are already a question-asker, remember: some people may not be as comfortable with conversation as you are. Gauge your personality. If you are intense like the Eggerichses, you may need to learn that not every question has to be about your criminal history record. Don’t make them feel like they are on a witness stand. (Especially if you are standing in line for the photo booth or dancing to the Macarena. Not a good time to get deep.) Have fun with it—getting to know someone should be natural. Remember, you are dating this person because you LIKE him or her and you have genuine intrigue.

Listening should happen whenever someone feels safe enough to share. If you are not intrigued by what he or she has to share, I can only conclude that…

a) He or she talks too much and needs to learn how to ask you questions too.

b) You aren’t really interested and are only with him or her because you are bored.

Conclusion: You realize you were only into your date’s good looks and the fact that he or she made you laugh. You decide to fly solo for the next wedding.

Tune in tomorrow to see what Mrs. McGillicutty has to offer in Know Me: Part 3.