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10

Know Me: Art of Asking Questions & Listening Part 3

If you need to catch up on the first part of this series, check out Know Me: Part 1 and Know Me: Part 2.

So let’s consider Mrs. McGillicutty. She’s sitting at table #14 sipping her water as all her grandchildren (whom she sees once a year) hit the dance floor.

Problem: Her grandchildren (who don’t even know all the moves to the Macarena) are missing out on an untapped treasure trove of wisdom.

I would consider this a problem.

Art of Asking Questions: Seeking Wisdom

You know how in 99.48% of my posts I encourage people to seek older wise counsel? Well, summer weddings are a prime spot to start getting around.

Not like that.

Usually when I talk about seeking wise counsel, I am envisioning pastors, parents, mentoresque people. But at weddings, you can find straight-up geriatrics. Those people generally ooze life wisdom and good stories.

At my friend Luke’s wedding, he asked his grandmother to simply get up on stage and speak any wise thoughts she had on marriage. She shared how she had eight small children when she lost her first husband.

Hold the phone. Eight?!!?

She shared her heart and life philosophies. I think she must have been in her late 80s, and she embodied wisdom. Later I found her at the edge of the dance floor and just asked to hold her hand for a moment. I felt like I was near something sacred.

Art of Listening: Seeking Wisdom

At my friend Andy’s wedding last year, one elderly man I talked to was a World War II veteran. I have an odd intrigue* with that war, and as I started to ask him questions, he told me he had written a book. He was the history channel in 3-D! He told me fascinating stories of his ship being hit with a missile and the pain of losing friends.

Asking people questions will always give us a deeper insight to the human soul. But sometimes, it’s not as much about what we “get” from others, but what we give by listening. I get so sad when I think of all the elderly people who sit alone all day. They are full of stories that need to be told. Sometimes by listening we are simply giving someone the gift of being heard.

Conclusion

At the heart of this series is my conviction that we need to recognize humanity’s hunger to be known. A fortunate byproduct is that we then know.

We know Mrs. McGillicutty.

We know a widow’s grasp on loss and life.

We know what honor looks like as we hear a history lesson firsthand.

We know the person we are dating. And why.

We begin to know ourselves.

For me, asking questions, listening, and responding with genuine interest and intrigue has been hugely eye-opening. It’s enhanced my understanding of human nature, given answers, deepened friendships, and truly increased my love for people.

I’ve decided that when it comes to #askjoy advice from here on out, whenever I get the question, “I just don’t know about her” or “I just don’t know about him,” my first question will be, “What do you know about him or her?”

Questions

How do you engage people in conversation?

What questions do you remember being asked recently?

*I now say “odd intrigue” because “World War II is my favorite war!” never seems to come out right.
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    • Bekah Hope thinks...

      The other day my parents invited my sister and I over to eat lunch with their bible study group, which has a few elderly people in it. After eating, I lost track of my sister. But then I realized that the older people were in the dining room and I knew that’s where she would be. Sure enough, I found her listening to a full-blooded Native American man telling her stories of his ancestry. It was riveting.

      The bible tells us that “pure and undefiled religion is this: to visit orphans and widows in their need and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.” I don’t think that’s arbitrary. I think God knows that we have something to learn from the older generations (and the younger ones).

      * I know what you mean about WWII. If you’re ever in New Orleans call me and we’ll go to the D-Day museum. I could spend days wandering through there listening to the recorded stories of old men.

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        Bekah – Booking my flight to New Orleans as we speak! (-; Seriously though, I love what you say about God knowing we have something to learn from the older generation. In Titus the old are also told to teach the younger. Sometimes I think our autonomous generation has made older people feel like they don’t have any value to bring or things to share with us. We could stand to do a better job of letting them know we want to hear their thoughts! Your sister sounds fantastic.

        Reply| at |

    • Val thinks...

      I will forever remember you and my priest sneaking out of my rehearsal dinner so you could check out the WWII museum in his basement. Hilarious.

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        Val – But who can resist a WWII museum? Forgot to mention we had the Father of the Bride captive too!

        Nim – Well said and so true! I hope we can all remember to do this, even if it is outside of our comfort zone.

        Reply| at |

    • Nim thinks...

      I often find that listening to, and asking questions of those who are different from me – whether in age, nationality, or stage of life, helps me to remove some of my prejudices, and learn to love others better, because i understand a little more what it is like to be them! I usually find it helps me to grow in humility too, as I see how little I know about so much! 🙂

      Reply| at |

    • Gardenia thinks...

      Oh, I had such a blessed time reading all the three: Art of asking questions. My notebook is filled with some insights, quotes. When I read the first I thought to myself: this is the last post I read today. Well, my master’s reading is still waiting for tomorrow, hehe. I know what you mean when you say: “I get so sad when I think of all the elderly people who sit alone all day. They are full of stories that need to be told. Sometimes by listening we are simply giving someone the gift of being heard.” Love talking with them. I had the funniest conversation about sex (and instructive too) with grandma and a friend of hers a few days ago. I was so curious to know how things worked out for a woman who got married at the age of 13, knowing absolute nothing about what she was doing. And it all started with me asking them questions. We had a lot of fun. =)

      Reply| at |

      • JOY thinks...

        Woah nelly – 13?!! You must have heard some very interesting stories. So glad you took the time to chat with her. I would love to know what she said.

        Reply| at |

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