Hello again, for the third time.
Can I just say that I absolutely hate this topic?
This whole thing that we’re addressing about the words in Scripture that the “husband is the head” and the “wife is to submit.” I absolutely hate this stuff.
But I want to address it because I feel like I missed it for so long.
I didn’t understand it so I disregarded it. And I think so many of us don’t understand it so we either manipulate it, we miss it or we ignore it all together. And I think when you do that you start to miss the heart of God, or get frustrated with the heart of God.
So, let’s delve in where I left off about how I discovered my need for wanting to feel protected as a woman after someone tried to attack me…
What is God’s design and value as it relates to gender?
Do we project our own idea of value on God’s design?
If you missed the beginning of this series, click on the links below:
Submission Series Part 1: Mutual Submission
Submission Series Part 2: Fear & Misunderstanding
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
@Arlo, Thank you! I am particularly fond of my man voice too. Except in the morning when it’s actually that way w/o any editing involved. Eeeee.
You’re totally right. Most of the time I’m just fine handling all the issues that come up by myself. But there are some times that I get scared and feel that that protection is the only thing that I need. I don’t need someone to solve the problem. I just need someone there to tell me it’s going to be okay.
Great series, Joy. Can’t wait to see what’s coming up next!
@Joy, And super HUGE congrats on being named a Young Influencer by Catalyst! especially the young part 😉
@Julie, You are so kind Julie. I am really glad this series was handled with far less controversy than I had imagined. I really believe God’s design is for us all to flourish. And thank you for the Catalyst compliment. I was so honored!
Joy, nice finish on a uncomfortable topic. Submission connotes a relationship of one who leads and another who follows. In Christ’s teaching of submission there is a readiness to renounce one’s own will for the sake of others..to give precedence to others. God is not the author confusion but of peace. Christ, our Bridegroom likes order in His design. The husband being the head and the wife submitting is part of that design. Order and decency are reoccurring themes in His Kingdom. I agree with scriptures, both male and female are made in the image of God, made equal in value. And like you said, our roles/responsibilities are different but important to God.
Abiding wisely with submission in sincerity of heart will bless us on our journey. We just need to pray for courage and faith to do it God’s way. Trusting God to work it out in all His goodness and timing. Tapping out…God is right, again! Blessings
@lisa, I think one of the hang ups that we have is that people hear “follow” and assume that means “blindly” or “without thinking”. When people do that, they completely miss the responsibility and role of strength God put women into as well.
Thanks for your added thoughts!
Joy, I love how you tackle difficult subjects with honesty and grace. And in this case of submission, with courage. Eph 5 is a beautiful passage even with all its mystery. It certainly creates room for different perspectives and if you are interested in mine, I offer mine at my blog http://www.storyinthemiddle.blogspot.com. For what it’s worth…
I do have a question of how you would minister to the man who is physically weak and not able to protect a wife. The connection of headship to physical protection makes this a potential for shame. I just listened to Brene Brown’s TED talk on shame where she contrasts men’s shame with women’s shame. It was excellent: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
Love you and bless you!
@Harriet, I need to listen to Brene Brown! I started watching that talk along time ago, got distracted with something else and haven’t gotten back to it. She has been recommended numerous times so I know her research is greatly respected. Plus I just LOVE Ted talks.
As for your question, I hope that I did not communicate that men needed to be physically strong to be effective or even Godly husbands. What I was hoping to communicate was God’s design that I see in many men and women when they get in touch with this particular area of protect vs. protection and how that was the analogy that personally freed me up and clicked in comparison to the headship debate.
I want to acknowledge and show appreciation for my husbands desire to protect me as his wife. Not his tangible ability. If he was in a wheelchair, I am sure he would feel personal shame not being able to do what he wanted for me as a husband, but I would do EVERYTHING in my power to affirm and show appreciation for his desire, not performance.
If I didn’t, that would make my marriage works-based and I certainly wouldn’t want him to expect that from me either.
From the attack story and knowing me personally, I think you know that I am a very strong woman who respects and admires other strong women like yourself. I often feel I don’t “need” a man in many areas of my life, but when I got in touch with my vulnerabilities, I was made aware of my desires and wanted to be OK expressing those desires being fulfilled by a man.
Aslo, after hearing from SO many men who can’t shake the responsibility they feel with their wives to protect and provide even though they know their wives are fully capable, it opened my eyes to the fact that it doesn’t make me weak.
I agree that for men and women there can be lots of shame about expressing our desires around this picture of husband and wife.
In it’s purest form, I think it becomes about honoring each others design, not their physical ability. Let’s be honest, there’s a number of men you and I could beat in an arm wrestling match. (-: That’s not what I am arguing we honor. We honor the heart – as a gift. (Also known as grace) As a culture of Christians, I think both men and women in general could stand to do far more of that!
@JOY, Thanks for clarifying your thoughts. That was very helpful – I so agree that we honor each other’s strengths and acknowledge our own weaknesses, not shaming the other. I remember the time I was facing a very difficult conflict with another person in the church. I thought I could handle it on my own and did not shared much of what was really going on with my husband. When I ended up in a final confrontation, I was so glad that I finally clued him in and asked him to protect me from any possible verbal abuse because I had no strength left to stand up against it. Sure enough the other party started in on me and Jon immediately stepped in and told him to stop. I was so grateful for his “protection”! As to physical strength I decided to take karate so I could match Jon’s wrestling moves! 🙂
@Harriet, What a cool story of marital partnership and having each others backs.
Also, I would love to see a wrestling/karate match between you two!
This is my favorite in the series! Excellent. 🙂
I feel like sometimes that chapter in the bible is separated into little chunks, like when annoying guys (read: immature) like to ONLY quote “women are to submit!” but totally ignore the rest where it says we are BOTH to submit to Christ and men should be willing to DIE for their wife! (Personally I always kinda felt like women got the better end of that deal. he protects me, loves me like Christ loved the church and will die for me? fine with me! And when you read that chapter there’s like this tiny part directed at women, then a huge part for men).
My pastor talked about submission sort of recently, and described it in a way better way than I’ve heard before. I think the way we (our culture & women) define “submit” is part of the reason it’s such a scary word to us. I remember him saying “you’ve all submitted to this roof, because you’re trusting it’s not going to collapse on you during church, and you trust it’s going to protect you from the weather”. We WANT the roof to protect us, we want our house to protect us, we want our car to protect us…but then when it comes to relationships, all of a sudden it’s like “no I don’t want to submit!” I thought that was really interesting….and true.
I remember telling a guy I was dating that I felt really safe when I was with him and how good that made him feel! Like it seems like such a simple thing for me to say but it was such a huge complement to him because men like to protect! I totally understand that now.
I’m glad you tackled this topic cause it’s a really good one!
p.s. Walter is just so cute I can’t handle it, he’s like a large living stuffed animal.
So true; I absolutely didn’t “get” the concept until reading Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ inspired, enlightening book. Then the logs propelled out of my eyes.
Joy, thank you so much for sharing this. I recently went through a similar attack as you, which was traumatic to me. I would come to realize one of my guy friends, one whom I least expected and thought I would never share it with, would come to be such an encouragement to me in his words and in prayer. He just got what I was going through, when other people thought I was doing fine he still took the time to listen. It just made me realize that I really needed, wanted and was thankful to have a strong guy friend in my life how sympathized with me and prayed for me. It was a huge blessing in moving forward. In this case it took me to really sharing with him how I was doing when he asked and not just brushing it off because others didn’t get it. An act of humily on my part as I’m a very private person when it comes to personal stuff with me!
Arlo thinks...
That was awesome Joy! Happiest time in my life is when I am in the role of watching over and/or protecting others. As a man, there is no better feeling.
You have tackled a great controversy here, thank you!
PS
I Love your “Man Voice.”
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